Meraviglioso

Well, I've got my psychologist appointment later this morning. To be honest I'm just getting really tired of it. I've been in therapy, on and off, since the age of 18. I'm just tired of talking about myself and my problems. Sometimes I made advances and improvement but a lot of the time I feel like I am just passing the hour taking through the same stuff again and again. It is usually the psychologist who guides the conversation. I wouldn't even know how to adjust the course as I don't even know what to talk about that would make things better. I've just got so many appointments and I do think they help hold me accountable and give me something, I am just tired of the routine that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Any advice?

Kaily

I feel very much the same about therapy.
For me it opens up old wounds and digs around my many traumas only for me to be sent on my way an hour later feeling much worse than when I arrived.
I continue to attend as I am told how wonderful and healing it can be but I absolutely dread it most of the time.

In January I am starting Group Therapy, I suppose if nothing else I can sit and listen.

Hope your appointment goes better than expected.

MantaLady

I felt exactly the same Mera throughout my most recent therapy. I was sick and tired of talking about my issues and was quite frankly sick of hearing my own voice saying the same thing year after year. I didn’t feel like I was learning anything new about myself just repeating the same old things over and over. I discussed this with my therapist and we agreed that we would use more tools and CBT in the sessions with actual goals so I could feel like I was achieving something and had something to focus and work on which did help a lot. Subtle CBT just didn’t work on me, I needed it to be more obvious and be aware that I was being guided into changing my thinking on a certain subject. Not sure I am making any sense here as it’s so hard to explain.

I’d suggest writing down how your feeling about the therapy and what you want out of it. Then discuss with your therapist to see if you can develop a strategy that you feel works for you better. xx

Guener

Maybe a different form of therapy other than just talk therapy would be helpful. Somebody here mentioned Existential Therapy, which sounded interesting to me, as I also find that I have less and less to talk through and more interest in finding ways to grow. You might consider reducing the number of sessions of your existing therapy if you feel more comfortable approaching it that way and adding something that will be mentally challenging to you like studying psychology or philosophy, or literature, things that focus on the fundamentals of human nature?

August252015

Hey Mera -
I have a psych with addiction specialty and have found her to be the best support I've ever had over my years & diff drs. One big reason is because she has a combo or listening and suggesting approach - much of which is solution based, such as using specific tools and thought change/habit change parts of CBT/DBT support. You can take a look at workbooks for each - stands for Cognitive and Dialectical Behavior Therapy -and see what you think. I found the workbooks useful in making me specify my problems and put down answers/changes on paper.

Personally, individual therapy is critical - AA serves as group in a way bc of the emphasis on listening and the similarities with so many others.

I have focused on continuing to seek diff mediums of support and active growth and hope you can create that same path that works for you permanently. I believe in you!!

Maudcat

Hi, Mera.
I have never had much luck with therapy. Usually I find myself telling them what I think they want to hear instead of being my true self.
Which, to me, is very telling, yes?
My opinion? I think that there are a lot of therapists out there, but maybe one in ten is really, really good.
I have found that journalling in long hand unlocks a lot of stuff for me and is helpful for my recovery.
Good luck.

Anna

Mera, you've got some good advice here and I hope it helps. I tend to go through periods where I read several self-help books. Initially, it helps because usually I'm working through something specific. But, I soon find I get burned out and realize I've had enough for now.

CRRHCC

I'm a big fan of psychotherapy. You can't get addicted to a substance or behavior that you have not learned does something for you.
Anytime you see people messing up their lives, you can be sure it did not start with their actions, it starts with one's thoughts. The way you think determines how you feel and that will affect, how you act. If you want to change something in your life or break a bad habit, figure out what caused you to do the thing you want to change. This often takes an objective professional.

safeandsound

After lots of therapy over the years, I've found that CBT is the only thing that works for me because it focuses on today's problems and how to solve them instead of dragging up the past. Someone said they felt worse after therapy sometimes--exactly how I used to feel. I don't feel like talking about my "issues" is productive. What is productive, at least for me, is learning to think about things differently now (a goal of CBT). I'd be honest about what's not working with my therapist, too. Best of luck and hope you find something that works!!

Fearlessat50

Hi Mera, For me, I have found that even if the appointments don’t go in a particular direction or even in an expected direction, there’s value in free associating just randomly talking through my feelings and having a supportive listener. I often have some ah ha moments which are like breakthroughs for me and really give me more to reflect on. Even if nothing changes after the appointment, I always feel better. If that’s all, it’s ok with me. Other times, I will focus on setting specific goals which gives me a real action plan for different situations. I did this when I first stopped drinking and addressed how I would deal with triggers. I’ve also done this for work stress and family stress. Like when my son has a tantrum and how I will handle my own feelings around this and at same time, handle him.

I am a very goal oriented person. So I had to adjust to just talking out my feelings and slowing down in the beginning and realizing that there is value in just doing that at times. But if you feel you need more out of therapy, maybe you could bring it up with your therapist and talk about how to get more from the sessions.

My post might be too late but hope you still find it helpful for future sessions. Xo

MindfulMan

I felt that way for years. The reason? Crappy therapists.

My outpatient rehab was cognitive based groups 2 hours a day every weekday for 8 weeks. I'd never done cognitive before, it was pretty amazing. It was a dual diagnosis program, I always felt like we should wear badges with our DOC and diagnosis (in my case it was sedatives/alcohol/cocaine and bipolar disorder). It gave me a lot of tools to deal with cravings, depression and anxiety.

Afterwards my program therapist gave me a referral to an amazing therapist. He does psychodynamic and family therapy and is a recovering addict (sex & love, but there were drugs that went with the sex, as there is with a lot of gay men). We have goals and timelines in mind, although we've gone far beyond or original times as our goals have gotten bigger. I've been seeing him a year and foresee ending in six months or so, although I might do his group for middle aged gay men. He works with narrative therapy, which identifies behaviors (that I call "old scripts") that were developed to deal with trauma that occurred in childhood and early adolescence. We then discuss and make them conscious, and modify them in ways that work for me as an adult. Sounds kinda woo-woo, but it's very practical and works.

Just my two cents. Therapy is a huge component of my recovery.

Meraviglioso

Thanks everyone for your input. To be clear, I do think therapy is very valuable. As I said, I have been with a therapist, one or another, for the greater part of 22 years now. It is a part of my week that I have generally found worthwhile even if something massive didn't happen. But lately I am in a therapy rut. Since being fired by my very favorite therapist about 2 years ago I have gone through several different professionals and just haven't found one that clicks like he did. It took me a long time to find him as well, I think I went through 5 or so before landing with him and finding something that worked.
I am trying to trust the process but I'm just tired. Tired of going over the same stuff, tired of needing all this care and support. I am spending bucketloads of money and time- my therapist, my psychiatrist (who does hour long meetings, we talk about things going on in addition to the medication), the doctor at the addiction center...
I keep waiting for some massive breakthrough in which I will be free of my past pain and live some incredible life. I think I need to let go of that and just be happy that I am staying sober, I am taking care of day to day things and life is ok.

PhoenixJ

Mera, I went to every possible 'therapist' possible...
I find now, if I go to my CBT psychologist and tell him what I think I want to do, or how I feel and ways I think to resolve my hassles- I get much more guided 'advice'. Not you, me- I used to go and expect them to cure/rescue me. At least if I give them an idea of my thoughts/feelings/actions and what I think I can do to fix stuff- they have an idea of where I am.

August252015

Mera- I totally get that "dr fatigue" part!! I've had it at some points along the way and I really didn't get much out of time with those drs, I imagine. Ultimately, though, once I stopped drinking, while indeed fortunate to have an amazing psych already, I had to start listening and doing what she said to get things going and sticking.

Fearlessat50

Hi Mera- I didn’t realize you had been through that many therapists. That is tough. I got fired by one of my therapists too. She didn’t have the experience needed to deal with my issues, which were special needs parenting and my drinking. So it was better I moved on. I like the last part of your post - let go and be happy you are sober. Stay in the present. Practice gratitude too. Look at all the progress you’ve made. Maybe things are better than you realize?

SparkleKitty

I went through about five years of therapy and then took a break for several years before returning about four and a half years ago. I'm fortunate that I've had the same therapist the whole time.

For me, I needed the break. I had done a lot of tough emotional work, but the real test of my recovery from codependency was being out there on my own and dealing with life on life's terms without my therapist. When I went back, it was to address different issues (disordered eating) and not just to rehash the same old same old.

It was my therapist who suggested the first break. I had been trying to get out of it for awhile around year three and she gently pushed back, suggesting I was wanting out just when we were really starting to dig in to some hard stuff. She was right. Then around year five she asked me if I thought I was looking for stuff to talk about in there and I admitted yes and she suggested we start wrapping up.

It's all about the relationship, I think. I don't know that I would have gotten anywhere with multiple therapists. Maybe a break is in order for you, so you can feel out life without it. Then if and when you do decide to return, it can be with a stronger idea of what you need.

CRRHCC

To find a good therapist, I recommend that you look up psychiatrists, psychologists or social workers (people with an MD, PhD, or MSW degree) in your area who describe their practice as "psychodynamic." This means they focus on the factors, the "theme", which produce your compulsive drinking.
I would be very cautious about seeing someone who describes himself as an "alcohol counselor" however, since too often that means the person has limited training or knowledge about human psychology and is focused instead on a narrow view of addiction which does not investigate its emotional roots.

MindfulMan

I found my therapist through my inpatient rehab referral, and was specifically looking for a psychodynamic therapist, as that's what they suggested. The program itself was CBT.

I found the CBT worked on immediate issues regarding addiction, and the psychodynamic therapy works on life in general.

Agreed with the addiction counselor advice above. Go with a real psychotherapist.

Glad that you're open to therapy.