Wastinglife

I have never felt such despair in my life as I do right now. My mother died suddenly last week. She had health problems already but imminent death was not foreseen. I hadn't seen her in 2 years. I finding it impossible not to drink and have literally no reason not to. My life is already ruined as it is. Not drinking heavily for my standards but just the overwhelming grief and hopelessness makes me just want to die alreadly. I hate this feeling and beer makes it go away. I haven't slept in days too.

Wow, this so hard....

Helianthus

I'm so sorry wastinglife, I lost my mother suddenly too so I know what you are going through.

You need to look after your physical and mental health though and drinking/not sleeping is only going to make you feel worse. Please get a huge glass of water and some sleep.

Sending massive hugs.

Dee74

You have at least 2 very good reasons not to drink.

You don't know what your future holds WL, and you're worth more than what you're letting yourself have right now.

You;re deep in grief now - I get that - but drinkings not the answer to grief.

Drinking keeps us from dealing with the grief - we push it to one side perhaps, but it always comes back.

The wound remain red and raw and always needs more booze medicine.

I didn't know your mom but I'm betting she wanted more for you than how her life ended up.

You still have the opportunity to make your future different.

i really hope you decide to do just that man.

D

Kaily

I'm so sorry you are feeling so awful. Grief is very painful but it is a process that isn't avoidable, drinking or not.

Give yourself a little TLC and understanding. Easier said than done I know... BUT please try.

Take care WL x

Guener

I think the best thing that you can do for yourself right now, WL, is to look after your basic needs. The alcohol is robbing you of everything presently, and the first priority is to get a handle on care for yourself. You're intelligent, you've probably heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and you're on the Safety level right now.

• Don't drink
• Hydrate
• Sleep
• Eat
• Attend Meetings (AA or otherwise)

Repeat this for two days. You can add things that support yourself, like maybe some long walks, but keep things very simple. You're not going to be comfortable, but your basic existence is a good place to start. You need to settle yourself physically and at the most essential level mentally (the meetings).

Please, take care of your well-being.

MLD51

I agree with Guener here. I know it's hard, and maybe even feels impossible, but take care of your basic needs for a couple of days and I really think things will look better. Not sleeping or eating will only make everything feel worse. And I agree with Dee, your mother probably would want better for you. If nothing else, that thought should give you a reason to quit drinking and start taking care of yourself.

Grief won't go away if you drink. It'll only sit there in the corner waiting to pounce on you later. Best to deal with it sober - it will suck. Been there. But it'll suck more if you let it fester in a drunken haze.

ScottFromWI

Rock bottom is the perfect time to start climbing back up WL. And you wouldn't be here if you didn't still want to get sober, so that's just your addiction talking.

If you can't do it for yourself, why not do it to honor your mom.

ljc267

I lost my Mom when I was a young man and I used it as an excuse for drinking. I helped me push down the grief and helped me put it out of my mind. In the end, it didn't remove it from my mind it just bottled it up. I could never drink enough to remove it.

In all honesty you should feel bad right now. You lost your Mom. That is a huge loss, but you do not need to drink to get through it. You know that drinking will only make it worse in the long run.

I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that you decide to deal with the grief sober. You will be thankful you did.

Anna

It sounds like it's time to turn things around. You can rise from the rock bottom. I know it's really hard, but you can do it.

wildflower70

I'm so sorry for your loss WL. Please try to remember that with booze in the equation, things can and usually do get worse.

I hope you take it out of the equation and take care of yourself.

GhostFace

PhoenixJ

prayers good advice above

SoberCAH

Really sorry to hear about this, WL.

My wife and I lost 3 parents in 6 months back in 2012.

Life was a real blur for a while.

I can promise you that not drinking while you're grieving and doing whatever else is required of you (regarding her estate) is far better than trying to drink to get through life.

We hope you get some help.

And, of course, we're glad you're here with us.

MindfulMan

Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Grief is real, and beyond uncomfortable.

Alcohol rarely calls to me now, but when it does so it's in situations of self-medication. It would be so easy to numb out, but we all know where that leads. Tough as it is, grieving is a normal part of life.

You don't need to go through this alone. Aside from loved ones, a grief counselor or some sort of therapist can help get you through this. If you have a priest or minister or guru or rabbi or whatever, if they're empathetic and you trust them they can also take on this role.

Please take care of yourself in every way.

Fearlessat50

I’m so sorry WL. I remember your post from last week. I think it was thanksgiving day? I lost my mom suddenly too years ago. She had a lot of health problems also but the death was still sudden.

Grief is unfortunately par for the course. But drinking will make everything worse. With the state you are in, would you consider getting face to face support? Isolation is a killer. You need to surround yourself with all the support you can get. Also, can you see your doctor and get a prescription maybe to help with depression and sleep , and withdrawals if necessary?

I am sending positive vibes your way. You can do this. Start to care for yourself in basic ways and take it one day at a time

Amnesiac

I lost my dad back in May. I have not been the same since. He was my best friend, my mentor, my comrade, my golfing buddy, my father...he really was the only human I had left on this planet that I think cared about me...so I feel like (maybe?) I can relate.


I have not been the same since and I never will be again. I have been white-knuckling to some degree - I've had a few slips since his passing.


I just wanted to say...I feel your pain.

Wastinglife

Thanks everyone for the replies. I was exiled from the family 7 years ago. Mom was alcoholic and preferred to drink herself to death enabled by my father. They are nice to everyone but behind the scenes, they are miserable people. Everyone thinks they were great. Myself, sister, and brother have a much different view.

My siblings and I didn't exist really. Parents were always "too tired" or "stressed out" when I was a kid. Never saw them. Always working or drinking in the kitchen with the door closed.

Why have 3 children, when you hate children???

aasharon90

You are not alone. Many of us in recovery never
had a perfect childhood or perfect families and
life. Many of us turned to substance abuse to
cope, numb, deal with situations all the way around
which in fact, never worked.

Getting ourselves into recovery and surrounding
ourselves with maximum support on a continuous
bases is what has worked and continuous to work
each day we remain sober.

It allows us to face life on lifes terms. It helps
us face everyday life as it happens without us
trying to kill ourselves with addiction to poisonous
dangerous substances that keep us sick.

I lost my dad a few or so weeks back and I
am still sober. I came here to SR for support
amongst a family of strangers, yet friends
ive come to know over the yrs just by opening
up to them.

In doing so, I never feel alone on my journey
in life and all the obstacles I face each day.

Continue to listen, learn, absorb and apply
healthy ways to remain sober/clean each
day and stay connected to a strong life line
for support, care and understanding from
folks here in SR.

We are here for you 24/7.

Fearlessat50

You do not have to be defined by your past, WL. You can write your own story. Hugs.

DriGuy

There will always be tests and rationalizations do drink. In a more ideal situation, big challenges would happen after you're on firmer footing. Getting sober and dealing with loss at the same time is near the top of the challenges list, but doing this would be a big confidence builder. It can be done. I'd focus on sobriety, and I'm wishing you the best.