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Oh boy, im finally going to admit it :-0

Old 11-28-2018, 05:06 PM
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Oh boy, im finally going to admit it :-0

Dear Everyone,

I need your help, guidance, advice and wisdom if you can find the time

I live in Wales, UK and, here goes, I am an alcoholic. I have finally said it (that has been so hard). I am self employed, happily married, have two beautiful young children and have ''pretended' to myself that i am just a "average" drinker and partgoer like most other people who drink but i have FAR too many horror stories over my 20 year history (which i choose to ignore).

Monday night, I had 16 cans of budweiser after a stressful day at work (only came home with 4 but kept nipping back to off licence :-( and my wife hugging me the next day because i was too ill too go back to work, couldnt get up to takes kids to school so my wife was late for work and her crying saying she was worried about my health (she wasnt even even mad) which was the final tipping point for me. I do not want to lose my job, my family, my home or my health. I desperately need help!

After a chat with my wife, we agreed a work free break could help me start a 'new' me so am now on my own in a hotel for 3 days in a little welsh village, on a mission to kick start my sobierty. I have tried to do it on my own over the years but have failed too many times so i have joined this forum (as i dont want to go to AA, i never enjoyed group situations in school or even work, im a bit of a introvert person), so hope you dont mind me using this forum as a sound board. I have really struggled tonight to not have any beers but have succeeded and just had juice. My first step! Off for a long walk tomorrow to see the world without a hangover (or beer fear) and give myself a slap across the face for being an idiot all these years.

Any advice to get me through the first few days would be massively apprecaited.

So sorry for the long post, its been 20 years in the making :-(

Thank you for reading if you got this far :-)
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Old 11-28-2018, 05:12 PM
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Welcome! You are on the right track, and taking some personal time to regroup may be very helpful. Get lot's of rest, eat good food, and start making a plan to stay sober. There's a lot of options that don't include AA. Your giving yourself an amazing gift....sobriety.
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Old 11-28-2018, 05:23 PM
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Welshfuture - I'm so glad you found us & wanted to tell your story. Welcome.

The hard part for me was admitting it - I wasted precious years trying to use willpower to control my drinking. Coming here to SR helped so much with that. No one judged me - everyone understood how I was feeling as I reached out to reclaim my life. It's great that you are taking this step. Pretending you can manage your drinking is a death sentence. I was drinking all day in the end, and nearly died because I was afraid to experience life without alcohol. Yet I was miserable - and in a terrible trap. It felt so good to break free.

I hope talking things over will encourage you as you begin a new & better life. Congratulations on your decision. We're here to help. You can do this.
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Old 11-28-2018, 05:27 PM
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Welcome! I'm glad you're ready to do this!

My suggestion would be that it's important to remember that stopping drinking is the beginning. For many of us, we need to make lifestyle changes in order to remain sober. You might make up a plan for yourself so that you have something planned during the times when you would have been drinking. You might need to step away from some friends/family, at least for awhile, until you feel confident in your recovery. And, any kind of exercise is bound to help.

I'm glad that you have found us and posted here.
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Old 11-28-2018, 05:28 PM
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Solidarity from Derbyshire! A hotel in a little Welsh village sounds like heaven
Just wanted to welcome you to SR
Z.
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Old 11-28-2018, 05:33 PM
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Welcome to the family. And welcome to a much better life sober. Every morning when I wake up, I am grateful to wake up sober and feeling good. No more passing out, now I get deep restful sleep.

We have lots of forums to post on. Take a look. I hope our support can help you get and stay sober for good.
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Old 11-28-2018, 06:33 PM
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Good for you!!!! I became sober on a work break too.... it was easier. By the time I went back to work, I was feeling better and on my way. I wish you all the best. Do a lot of reading here and make a plan for addressing your cravings and old habits to help ensure your success.
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Old 11-28-2018, 06:33 PM
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Hi and welcome!

Admitting the problem is the first and most important step. Glad you're on your way.

I think for me, the hardest part about the first days were the cravings, feeling bored, and the emotional roller coaster that started. People react differently, but those are all pretty common reactions.

My mind could come up with all sorts of reasons why I could really have just one, how maybe I wasn't really that bad, how maybe I could control it and moderate if I really tried. All lies. It helped me a lot to talk to other people about how I was feeling so I wouldn't fall prey to my own mind.

Just get through one day at a time at the beginning. Don't worry about too much except staying sober. Come here and talk all you want.

Wishing you well!
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Old 11-28-2018, 08:00 PM
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Good for you and welcome, this place will get you sober if you let it. It got me sober.

I was and am very similar to you - I have a wonderful wife and small kids, professional etc. All the things that matter and are of value in this life can be lost to the booze. Putting booze away for good, though it took a long time for me and was difficult, is the greatest gift I could have given myself, and thereby given to everyone else in my life.

There's much wisdom and support here. What is your plan?
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Old 11-28-2018, 09:58 PM
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Welsh- welcome. The most important time to share- is when you do not want to.
Just as I did not want to go to AA- who does/ I prefer my own company.
I lost my life (briefly), wife, my 2 adult sons do not talk to me, my home, possessions, career - everything...before I finally got sober after 25 years or so.
For me- a continually developing plan is necessary- with support from a GP (health and depression), psychologist (CBT- to change my thoughts/feelings/actions), counsellor (addiction).
ALSO- DAILY SUPPORT! This is so very necessary. Sobriety is not like a bank account. I cannot 'save' up going to meetings/doc- etc, then not do anything for a month as I have reserves. It is always only a guarantee until this moment.
If I drink again- next time I will die (clinically dead 3 times).

Meetings make me be with humans- even if I do not agree with some of the people who share- the common goal is to day sober and offer/get support. It is also free/ Stuff may be diff. where you are- but worth thinking about. I also take care not to isolate, keep a journal and remember to listen to my bod. when ever I feel tired/anxiety with HALTS.

If I am
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired/thirsty
Sad or stressed- I eat, rest, hydrate- or work out how to fix my self- or get help.
I also share on a few different newcomer's threads- every day.

Support to you.
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Old 11-28-2018, 10:15 PM
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Hello and welcome to SR! This site has been the biggest part of my recovery plan, and I am one month and two days away from three years sober.

I found I needed to plan every minute in the beginning. I planned what I was going to do after work (exercise, activities with my kids, read, binge Netflix, bath, clean, take a class) I needed my evenings structured because that was the time I normally drank. Over time I didn't need to plan out every moment, but I have incorpaprted daily exercise and mindfulness acitivites into my life, and they are a big part of my recovery.

I still read and post in this site dailh, you may want to join the November class, and also the December class once it gets up and running. You will have the support of the there who have also committed or recommitted to sobriety this month. Another great thread is the 24 hour thread, you can simply post your commitment to the next 24 hours sober. It's a great group, and you will find yourself chatting and sharing after a bit.

I'm attaching this link about recovery plans from Dee, it's a good one.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

Glad you're here!

❤️Delilah
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Old 11-28-2018, 10:41 PM
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Welcome Welshfuture it's really great to have you here.

Admitting you have a problem is a massive first step in the right direction. Be kind to yourself over the next three days, drink tons of water, eat some good food, get plenty of rest and read as much as you can here.

You can do this!!
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Old 11-29-2018, 12:29 AM
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Welcome welshfuture

A lot of good advice here...I quit after 20 years drinking myself.

I think I underestimated the changes I'd need to make or the time it would take for me to be, and stay, securely sober.

Thats not to put you off at all - just saying you'll need to be in it for the long haul. (Thats not antithetical to one day at a time either - drinkers or not all of us live our lives one day at a time )


Its a life change, not a diet - like Anna said drinking is but one part.

Don;t worry tho - you're not alone - you'll find a wealth of support here...and as hard as staying sober can be I found it easier than staying drunk

D
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Old 11-29-2018, 02:56 AM
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Welcome. I also don't use AA but find this site brilliant. you v made the break , now hopefully you ll keep going day by day , it's great been sober , plenty of great food and sleep , the total opposite to the horrors of drinking. This Can Be Done.
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Old 11-29-2018, 03:15 AM
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Welcome Welshfuture. I don't want to scare you but the beginning is the hardest part. After I stopped drinking after 20 years I suffered from insomnia, fatigue, brain fog – you name it.

You've already got a lot of good advice, just remember that staying sober needs to be your top priority now. Whatever happens, however you may feel, just don't drink. Drinking will only put you back to square one.

There will be cravings, so be prepared. Plan ahead. You can do it.
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:43 AM
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it is definitely not easy. I find isolating myself is the worst for my drinking so be careful. Pretty much as others said your whole lifestyle needs to change.

I am not successfully sober just yet, but there a lot of people who HAVE gone all the way to stay sober. My best was 2 months, and in those 2 months, i had to fill my days and evenings with lots of activities and personal achievements so that being sober tomorrow was more important then the few beers tonight.

I had come into work SO hungover in the past so many times that i actually don't find drinking exciting after work because i know where it will lead me.

i relapsed when a friend of mine asked me if i could drop him off to a BBQ. I walked in to see what was going on, then down in the chair and just spontaneously started drinking. After that, i had memory blackouts and then all of a sudden i wake up in the morning IN MY CAR, in a supermarket parking lot about 6km away.

Looks like i drove 6km and i don't even remember it.

So my point of the story is Thats how Alcoholism will creep up on you when you least suspect it. After a few months you will think you are cured and then off you go again down the slide to hell.
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:56 AM
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Welsh - Welcome and great job! What I can tell you is each day without you will feel better. I'm not too far ahead of you on this journey (day 4 today), but this time I've found SR and believe reading and just knowing others have had, and do have, similar struggles. You are not alone.
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Old 11-29-2018, 05:55 AM
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The early days of sobriety were tough for me. My thoughts raced, I was unable to focus, my emotions were all over the place. I had trouble sleeping.

I said at one point, "I want to crawl out of my own skin."

The healing of my nervous system, brain and body took a lot longer than I wanted. Just stay the course - it's uncomfortable in the beginning.

I posted daily in the thread here for people who were just getting sober. You can look in Newcomers and post in November or December (when it starts.) That was really helpful for me. I read everything I could find to help me deal with my emotions and other people.

I exercised daily and ate home-prepared healthy meals. I listened to quiet classical instrumental music. I stopped watching the news. I went to bed early and got up early.

It took me nearly a full year of continuous sober time to feel completely healed. Totally worth it.

Welcome, glad you're here. Pull up a blanket and keep reading and posting.
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Old 11-29-2018, 06:39 AM
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Thinking of you, Welsh. Hope you'll check in. We care.
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Welshfuture View Post
Dear Everyone,
Any advice to get me through the first few days would be massively apprecaited.
:-)
Don't drink. If that doesn't work, give us a call and we'll send someone over to tie you to a chair.
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