Hope1989

Hey guys,

I haven't post in a while and well, things were going pretty good. I was not drinking, was pulling my stuff together and so on and so forth.

Now, there is not something more painful that having consequences from drinking (I guess you all know that).

Some months ago, around 5 ( I think I posted about the incident here), I passed out on street and was taken to the Hospital. There I received treatment and let go the other day. That is when I realized I hit rock bottom.

I slowly start getting better until the past weeks. That day I lost everything, and I had slowly got it back.

Today I get a bill from the hospital telling me that I owe them and the ambulance 655 euros. (Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. They helped me, even might have saved my life and I am fully responsible for my actions).

Now I am an extremely anxious person. Every day I wake up scared of receiving things, well exactly like this. Everyday is so painful, and I keep getting reminders of what I did.

Anyway, just wanted to vent.

Thanks

Purpleman

Is it the amount itself that's causing the anxiety Hope1989? Similar thing happened to me a while back. I got onto the relevant organization who had sent the bill, advised them of my then financial situation, & asked if they had some kind of repayment scheme. They were really helpful & appreciated my honesty, & set me up with a manageable repayment schedule.
Best wishes

Hope1989

Thanks for replying! I thought no one was going to!

No, it is not the amount, to be honest. It is the fact that more consequences my derived of my stupid drunken times. Everyday I wake up waiting to receive a letter that, like today, may show up.

VigilanceNow

Good for you for being self-aware and accountable. I know exactly what you're going through; for a while before I had racked up some longer sober time, I was constantly afraid of what awaited me; sometimes it was running into people (those sidways glances and my instant dread that I had done something embarrassing/offensive of which I had no recollection), sometimes it was bills (I once woke up with a hospital summary in my purse indicating that I was brought in by a passerby and had chosen to leave AMA; don't remember any of it to this day), and all manner of other horrifying things. You are NOT alone.

You will feel better if you take some action on it today or tomorrow by calling and explaining your situation. You'd be surprised how understanding people can be if you just acknowledge the situation and perhaps make a small payment first. You'll feel much better, I guarantee it! One day at a time; your sobriety is your MOST important goal, as all other good decisions follow that

joandmelandhan

Hope I empathise with your situation. I found myself ridden with anxiety / paranoia over virtually everything for my first month or so of sobriety.
I think it is a normal phase of the process but of course it's incredibly distressing at times.
For me the worst of it was health paranoia. I was googling symptoms, analysing every twinge and don't start me off about analysing my toilet habits!
I guess what I wanted to reassure you is that this anxiety and fear is (in my opinion) all connected to alcohol withdrawal and will fade with more sober time. You will soon no longer have that sick feeling when the post drops through the letterbox or the phone rings. Please try to remain as calm as you can and remember that time is your friend and with more sober time these feeling will fade. Take care xxx

Anna

Hope, I'm glad you're safe but it's very understandable that you are concerned about the costs and other consequences. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed in early recovery. My suggestion is to take it slowly. Just try to accomplish one or two things each day so you feel like you're moving forward. Maybe you could come up with a budget/payment plan for the hospital bill?

Dee74

The only thing that can really threaten our recovery is ourselves Hope.

I know you must feel guilty ashamed and even a little scared at what you've been through but it's ok - its all in the past now, and it will stay there so long as you keep facing forward and working on your recovery

Paying the bill will close another door from a past you no longer want, and erase the slate.

This is a great opportunity, not something to beat yourself up over

D

doggonecarl

I had crushing shame for some the things I did high and drunk. And reminders of those things stung. But there is something to be said about reminders of our drunken behavior....They remind us we can never drink again.

matrac

If you continue to drink, there assuredly wont be an end to consequences and isn’t that the ULTIMATE consequence?

matrac

If you continue to drink, there assuredly wont be an end to consequences and isn’t that the ULTIMATE consequence?

Hope1989

Thank you very much for your understanding.

It is very hard these days because I'm literally terrified at the beginning of every day. The fact that maybe I did something bad that will put me into prison or something like this ( I also got strong OCD, so this is catastrophic thinking), just starts killing my mind. The probability of this happening it's pretty low because I am not a violent person, nor someone who drives drunk.

Nevertheless, consequences are happening. I was not expecting this hospital bill. Now I am afraid that I did something illegally which I have no recollection of and more consequences will come.

Everyday is such a hustle.

Hope1989

I'm not sure about alcohol withdrawal ( due to the fact that I am not an everyday drinker, matter fact I'll go myself the worse occasional binge drinker).

I'm terrified that this feeling of fear won't go away. I'm even more terrified that I get better, and suddenly, some consequence will come on. Don't get me wrong, it is a possibility and I'm definitely accountable for it, it's the expectation that's killing me.

Thanks for sharing

Hope1989

Hey Anna, thanks for checking up.

The hospital bill is not really a problem for me. I'll be a little bit tight in Christmas (great timing huh?). But it's fine. I mean the guys were doing their job, I don't know in what status I was that night, so if anything I'm very grateful with them. I could have died.

It is more about more consequences might pop up, regardless of whether I'm sober or not. And all of this is my fault because of my drinking, and that makes it even more painful.

Best,

Hope1989

Hey Dee.

That's exactly what I wish for, that this stayed in the past. Unfortunately, the past is catching up with me. Which is really unsettling.

I'm trying not to beat myself up, I really don't. I know I'm a good person, I just happened to have this disease. I just want it to go away.

Hope1989

I agree I do not want to forget ( I think I could not even if I wanted to). However, I also do want to have a new life and in order to do this I also need to solve whatever has happened before.

Hope1989

Hey!

Maybe I did not make myself clear. It is not that I want to drink. However, I'm a very compulsive person, especially when I find myself against the wall or with a problem.

I'm really struggling right now, and I have been doing relatively well (or was before this occurrence, and don't know how to deal with it)

Maudcat

Hi, Hope.
Just want to lend support here.
I think you put your finger right on it when you mentioned catastrophic thinking.
Not sure how to minimize that.
I know that when I get anxious (have low level anxiety at times) it helps to take deep yoga breaths, get outside for some fresh air, and gentle exercise, like yoga or deep stretching to quiet my mind.
I have two cats, and petting and brushing them helps as well.
Good thoughts.

Dee74

Maybe I wasn't clear

.I see this as an opportunity for you to resolve an outstanding issue so it can be put squarely in the past.

Noone quits drinking with no messes to clean up

Its not a further punishment - it's just the same unfolding results of some bad decisions we made.

From this perspective I'm actually glad things just didn't 'go away 'cos I learned a lot by cleaning up.

It took me a year to sort out my creditors and finances - but I did, and I've never looked back

D

PhoenixJ

Hope- 7 months after having my life saved and post hospital- I received a first and final notice for the ambulance that saved my life- just under$1000..it was 6m old- as it had been sent to my old address and my ex chose not to send it on. I rang the debit collector- and negotiated paying $20 a fortnight until it was cleared. They were quite understanding.