223 days sober....and still staying strong!!
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 22
223 days sober....and still staying strong!!
Does this sound familiar to anyone else???? Or is it just me??
I’m 223 days alcohol free! I feel much better for not touching the booze BUT....knowing the money I’ve saved is just going out the window by my husband bringing home 3-4 bottles of wine each night, sitting at his computer playing imaginary football games, music cranked and getting drunk!
Me on the the other hand is eating a healthy dinner at 6pm, general house cleaning, shower, get my comfy pj’s on, sitting down with an herbal tea and watching a good movie or whatever is on tv.
Then he he stumbles in the family room, slurring, repeating himself about whatever, then curses everything about his life.
He then sits down with me (cringe) and swears and yells at everything on tv, making me want to just say “p*** off” and go to bed.
I havent saved any any money by quitting drinking. Even the extra hrs at work seems to be a waste as each penny saved seems to go.
Hes is in denial about his drinking and as soon as I calmly mention that maybe he should try to cut down or drink or only drink on wk ends, all hell breaks loose. So, I can’t speak to him, my money goes to supporting his habit (even though he denies he’s got a problem), he’s argumentative, rude and verbally abusive.
My secret escape....I visit the local church and cry. I’m not religious at all. Every time I go I’m the only one in there and just beg for help! I’ve no family or friends. I never go out, I just stick to my routine. He would question everything anyway. Probably accuse me of being a flirt knowing him.
I know this is about sober recovery, and how I’ve not hit the bottle bc of him is a miracle!
I’m 223 days alcohol free! I feel much better for not touching the booze BUT....knowing the money I’ve saved is just going out the window by my husband bringing home 3-4 bottles of wine each night, sitting at his computer playing imaginary football games, music cranked and getting drunk!
Me on the the other hand is eating a healthy dinner at 6pm, general house cleaning, shower, get my comfy pj’s on, sitting down with an herbal tea and watching a good movie or whatever is on tv.
Then he he stumbles in the family room, slurring, repeating himself about whatever, then curses everything about his life.
He then sits down with me (cringe) and swears and yells at everything on tv, making me want to just say “p*** off” and go to bed.
I havent saved any any money by quitting drinking. Even the extra hrs at work seems to be a waste as each penny saved seems to go.
Hes is in denial about his drinking and as soon as I calmly mention that maybe he should try to cut down or drink or only drink on wk ends, all hell breaks loose. So, I can’t speak to him, my money goes to supporting his habit (even though he denies he’s got a problem), he’s argumentative, rude and verbally abusive.
My secret escape....I visit the local church and cry. I’m not religious at all. Every time I go I’m the only one in there and just beg for help! I’ve no family or friends. I never go out, I just stick to my routine. He would question everything anyway. Probably accuse me of being a flirt knowing him.
I know this is about sober recovery, and how I’ve not hit the bottle bc of him is a miracle!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Allie, I'm so sorry to hear you have to deal with this. I too have a drinking spouse that has made getting sober very difficult. This time I truly focused on me. I let her know that I love her but when she is drunk I will not try to communicate with her. I'm sober and I'm happier that way. Her continued drinking will only push us further apart.
Sobriety is something to be very proud of. Especially under the circumstances you face. There may need to be a very frank discussion with your husband about how his drinking affects your feelings about him. Put the ball in his court.
Just like getting booze out of your life, some hard choices may need to be made for your own happiness. Warm wishes to you .
But damn! Way to go on 223 days. That is awesome.
Sobriety is something to be very proud of. Especially under the circumstances you face. There may need to be a very frank discussion with your husband about how his drinking affects your feelings about him. Put the ball in his court.
Just like getting booze out of your life, some hard choices may need to be made for your own happiness. Warm wishes to you .
But damn! Way to go on 223 days. That is awesome.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Sorry to hear of your uncomfortable situation. It is hard enough to get and stay sober dealing with ourselves. I don't envy you. You are doing something very awesome being sober in your environment! Please protect yourself and your sobriety. I know for me it's the most important thing in my life. Best wishes for you on your journey.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Finalround 
Allie, I'm so sorry to hear you have to deal with this. I too have a drinking spouse that has made getting sober very difficult. This time I truly focused on me. I let her know that I love her but when she is drunk I will not try to communicate with her. I'm sober and I'm happier that way. Her continued drinking will only push us further apart.
Sobriety is something to be very proud of. Especially under the circumstances you face. There may need to be a very frank discussion with your husband about how his drinking affects your feelings about him. Put the ball in his court.
Just like getting booze out of your life, some hard choices may need to be made for your own happiness. Warm wishes to you .
But damn! Way to go on 223 days. That is awesome.
Sobriety is something to be very proud of. Especially under the circumstances you face. There may need to be a very frank discussion with your husband about how his drinking affects your feelings about him. Put the ball in his court.
Just like getting booze out of your life, some hard choices may need to be made for your own happiness. Warm wishes to you .
But damn! Way to go on 223 days. That is awesome.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Allie, I'm really sorry for the situation you are in at home. It sounds really difficult. Good for you for sticking with your recovery and achieving 223 days of sobriety. Take some time to be proud of yourself. 
Is there any way that you can separate your money from your husband's funds so that your hard-earned money is not going to buy wine?
Is there any way that you can separate your money from your husband's funds so that your hard-earned money is not going to buy wine?
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
223 days is an amazing achievement under such difficult circumstances, I would not have the patience to be able to deal with a spouse who drinks heavily now that I'm sober it just wouldn't work for me.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this alone, feel free to drop me a message if you need someone to talk to.
Take care.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this alone, feel free to drop me a message if you need someone to talk to.
Take care.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 64
Oh Allie, I feel for you! Hang in there and make sure to take care of yourself. I think Anna has voiced what might have to happen. Can your $ be separate from his? Could you pay bills ahead of scheduled times so that there is none left for booze?
Is there a time to talk when he is sober and available? (Meaning not sick from drinking.) A heart-to-heart talk might be in order with what you are facing.
Be proud of yourself and know that you are not alone. Take care.
Is there a time to talk when he is sober and available? (Meaning not sick from drinking.) A heart-to-heart talk might be in order with what you are facing.
Be proud of yourself and know that you are not alone. Take care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by peacefulintent
Oh Allie, I feel for you! Hang in there and make sure to take care of yourself. I think Anna has voiced what might have to happen. Can your $ be separate from his? Could you pay bills ahead of scheduled times so that there is none left for booze?
Is there a time to talk when he is sober and available? (Meaning not sick from drinking.) A heart-to-heart talk might be in order with what you are facing.
Be proud of yourself and know that you are not alone. Take care.
Is there a time to talk when he is sober and available? (Meaning not sick from drinking.) A heart-to-heart talk might be in order with what you are facing.
Be proud of yourself and know that you are not alone. Take care.
Yes I opened a separate bank account a couple yrs back but he found out about it. He then (out of spite) opened his own account in his name.
Believe me I’ve tried so many ways to stash money but something always seems to happen.
Talking unfortunately doesn’t work. He’s so ill tempered all the time and doesn’t know how to communicate. It’s so bad he’s on his last warning at work.
Thank you for your support. Xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Helianthus
223 days is an amazing achievement under such difficult circumstances, I would not have the patience to be able to deal with a spouse who drinks heavily now that I'm sober it just wouldn't work for me.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this alone, feel free to drop me a message if you need someone to talk to.
Take care.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this alone, feel free to drop me a message if you need someone to talk to.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Allie- great job on 223 days sober! I am almost 30 months sober and my husband is still drinking. Some days it is bad and other days it isn't. It really makes him negative. It is very frustrating when you have chose a life of peace and they haven't.
It is hard but seeing what drinking does to him makes me realize I made the right choice.
have you ever thought about al anon?
It is hard but seeing what drinking does to him makes me realize I made the right choice.
have you ever thought about al anon?
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Congrats on your days!!!
You are a strong woman who has a lot to offer! You know deep down you don’t deserve to be controlled and abused by someone you love.
I understand the confusion. How can we love someone who treats us ( and themselves) this way? Because we loved them when they were different. And we are still in love with the person they were.
We are human
And we only get one shot. In the US, marriage is shared debt and shared resources, no matter which spouse earns and which spouse blows the money.
You made a tough but necessary decision about alcohol in your life...it no longer worked for you, right? Maybe another tough decision is in your future,
Sometimes pain is an indication that change is in order.
Big hugs surrounding you🙏🏼😍
You are a strong woman who has a lot to offer! You know deep down you don’t deserve to be controlled and abused by someone you love.
I understand the confusion. How can we love someone who treats us ( and themselves) this way? Because we loved them when they were different. And we are still in love with the person they were.
We are human
And we only get one shot. In the US, marriage is shared debt and shared resources, no matter which spouse earns and which spouse blows the money.
You made a tough but necessary decision about alcohol in your life...it no longer worked for you, right? Maybe another tough decision is in your future,
Sometimes pain is an indication that change is in order.
Big hugs surrounding you🙏🏼😍
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Midwest1981
Allie- great job on 223 days sober! I am almost 30 months sober and my husband is still drinking. Some days it is bad and other days it isn't. It really makes him negative. It is very frustrating when you have chose a life of peace and they haven't.
It is hard but seeing what drinking does to him makes me realize I made the right choice.
have you ever thought about al anon?
It is hard but seeing what drinking does to him makes me realize I made the right choice.
have you ever thought about al anon?
He wouldn’t go as he doesn’t think he has a problem yet blames me for anything and everything. Even when he asks for my advise he thinks I’m short with him and then his argumentative side kicks in. He went to anger management and saw his doctor bc I told him he needed help only for me to hear from him that he lasted one day at the group and only went bc it looked good on his medical record.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Free2bme888
Congrats on your days!!!
You are a strong woman who has a lot to offer! You know deep down you don’t deserve to be controlled and abused by someone you love.
I understand the confusion. How can we love someone who treats us ( and themselves) this way? Because we loved them when they were different. And we are still in love with the person they were.
We are human
And we only get one shot. In the US, marriage is shared debt and shared resources, no matter which spouse earns and which spouse blows the money.
You made a tough but necessary decision about alcohol in your life...it no longer worked for you, right? Maybe another tough decision is in your future,
Sometimes pain is an indication that change is in order.
Big hugs surrounding you🙏🏼😍
You are a strong woman who has a lot to offer! You know deep down you don’t deserve to be controlled and abused by someone you love.
I understand the confusion. How can we love someone who treats us ( and themselves) this way? Because we loved them when they were different. And we are still in love with the person they were.
We are human
And we only get one shot. In the US, marriage is shared debt and shared resources, no matter which spouse earns and which spouse blows the money.
You made a tough but necessary decision about alcohol in your life...it no longer worked for you, right? Maybe another tough decision is in your future,
Sometimes pain is an indication that change is in order.
Big hugs surrounding you🙏🏼😍
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