Still trying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Still trying
I have been trying for so long to get sober. I have read quit lit, been to AA, have tried counseling (althoug it didn't last long) and more but still seem to drink. I am so tired of it. I feel like I have no one to talk to, and even if I did, I feel too ashamed to.
I am not giving up though. Hopefully one day soon, it'll stick. I know that alcohol is a poison and is ruining my health and life. It really sucks that alcohol is so widely accepted as "normal" when in fact it is a drug.
I've come back here because I need the support. I can't keep going on like this.
I am not giving up though. Hopefully one day soon, it'll stick. I know that alcohol is a poison and is ruining my health and life. It really sucks that alcohol is so widely accepted as "normal" when in fact it is a drug.
I've come back here because I need the support. I can't keep going on like this.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Jill,
The only way I got this far was through suffering. There is no easy way out.
Even when I got super clean, 80 days or so, I had hellish agoraphobia that lasted for over a year.
It has all mostly subsided but I still crave.
The crave lingers forever. That is why I keep coming here. This place reminds me why I quit.
I tried AA, but i didn't go all in...i hear...so i didn't get it. Half stepping doesn't cut it. But, it is still there w open arms.
I quit boozing by staying full, working out, and curling up in a ball and whimpering. That got me to 80 days. Then I found sr.
This place saved my life.
Thanks.
The only way I got this far was through suffering. There is no easy way out.
Even when I got super clean, 80 days or so, I had hellish agoraphobia that lasted for over a year.
It has all mostly subsided but I still crave.
The crave lingers forever. That is why I keep coming here. This place reminds me why I quit.
I tried AA, but i didn't go all in...i hear...so i didn't get it. Half stepping doesn't cut it. But, it is still there w open arms.
I quit boozing by staying full, working out, and curling up in a ball and whimpering. That got me to 80 days. Then I found sr.
This place saved my life.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
HI.
I kept trying and trying and trying to quit, too.
For years. Dumping booze out, swearing it off, solemn oaths and AA.
Nothing seemed to work.
After years of this, I finally wrote a note to m higher power. "Please help me"
That made me make a phone call to AA. I met a man who drank like I did and had quit.
He understood me and where I was coming from.
I started going to meetings. Still drinking, but I had the willingness.
Rooms full of people with one thing in common, the desire to stop drinking. I found that powerful.
I came here and found people just like me.
In short, it took willingness. And desire. I had to get honest with myself.. I am a alcoholic.
I understand where you're coming form. I never quit trying, either.
In the end it payed off. And I was a bad drunk.
Keep trying. Don't give up. There is hope. Just keep the desire and keep trying.
I kept trying and trying and trying to quit, too.
For years. Dumping booze out, swearing it off, solemn oaths and AA.
Nothing seemed to work.
After years of this, I finally wrote a note to m higher power. "Please help me"
That made me make a phone call to AA. I met a man who drank like I did and had quit.
He understood me and where I was coming from.
I started going to meetings. Still drinking, but I had the willingness.
Rooms full of people with one thing in common, the desire to stop drinking. I found that powerful.
I came here and found people just like me.
In short, it took willingness. And desire. I had to get honest with myself.. I am a alcoholic.
I understand where you're coming form. I never quit trying, either.
In the end it payed off. And I was a bad drunk.
Keep trying. Don't give up. There is hope. Just keep the desire and keep trying.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Humans have been using drugs, including alcohol, for a very long time and civilization hasn't come to a grinding halt, only I did. There's something about me and booze that just creates a terrible connection to repeat using, then abusing it. I started seeking alcohol after my first experience with it. Unlike other people, alcohol will kill me if I return to it.
So, I have to create overrides in my thinking and in my actions that will prevent me from picking up again. My AV is still there to reach at me, but I can learn how not to listen, how to circumvent its call, and what to do if the impulse is very strong. I am an addict, but I can survive if I make it so.
Some things didn't stick with me in the beginning, either. But pulling some of the things that helped me in stretches of sobriety are working for me now. You don't have to throw out opportunities that didn't pay off at first. Nothing stuck for me because I wanted to drink, and now I don't want that anymore, but I have to do things to keep me sane and healthy. Recovery isn't passive, it's dreadfully hard to keep with over time. Relapsing didn't mean that I have forgotten what was useful or to think that maybe I wasn't listening or trying hard enough.
I am so glad you are here, it's a much better place to be than what we have known.
So, I have to create overrides in my thinking and in my actions that will prevent me from picking up again. My AV is still there to reach at me, but I can learn how not to listen, how to circumvent its call, and what to do if the impulse is very strong. I am an addict, but I can survive if I make it so.
Some things didn't stick with me in the beginning, either. But pulling some of the things that helped me in stretches of sobriety are working for me now. You don't have to throw out opportunities that didn't pay off at first. Nothing stuck for me because I wanted to drink, and now I don't want that anymore, but I have to do things to keep me sane and healthy. Recovery isn't passive, it's dreadfully hard to keep with over time. Relapsing didn't mean that I have forgotten what was useful or to think that maybe I wasn't listening or trying hard enough.
I am so glad you are here, it's a much better place to be than what we have known.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by Jillian2563 
I have been trying for so long to get sober. I have read quit lit, been to AA, have tried counseling (althoug it didn't last long) and more but still seem to drink. I am so tired of it. I feel like I have no one to talk to, and even if I did, I feel too ashamed to.
I am not giving up though. Hopefully one day soon, it'll stick. I know that alcohol is a poison and is ruining my health and life. It really sucks that alcohol is so widely accepted as "normal" when in fact it is a drug.
I've come back here because I need the support. I can't keep going on like this.
I am not giving up though. Hopefully one day soon, it'll stick. I know that alcohol is a poison and is ruining my health and life. It really sucks that alcohol is so widely accepted as "normal" when in fact it is a drug.
I've come back here because I need the support. I can't keep going on like this.
Not all counselors are the same. Hang in there and uncover the root cause of your behavior.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Thank you all. Self esteem is a major underlying reason for me. And yet alcohol keeps stripping it away. I pray that this is my last day one. My plan for today is to stay connected to some groups and re-read Allen Carr’s Book. I know I won’t deink today, it’s the 2nd and 3rd days when I feel “good” that I go back.
Alao dealing with painful gums at the moment. It came on suddenly last night. I called a dentist that answered and scheduled an appt for tomorrow. But it scares me and all that runs through my mind is worst case scenarios.
Alao dealing with painful gums at the moment. It came on suddenly last night. I called a dentist that answered and scheduled an appt for tomorrow. But it scares me and all that runs through my mind is worst case scenarios.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Jill,
On the 2nd, 3rd day is really the beginning of the crave. Deny yourself the booze and that is when the hell begins. The suffering.
You don't feel good. That is the AV trick. During those times, off and on, the addiction drives us insane.
But, it comes an goes. Food, exercise, meetings, sr, sweets helped me get through it.
I constantly had sweets on hand. Now is not the time to lose weight.
The addiction will say and do anything to get us to relapse. Anything.
Thanks.
On the 2nd, 3rd day is really the beginning of the crave. Deny yourself the booze and that is when the hell begins. The suffering.
You don't feel good. That is the AV trick. During those times, off and on, the addiction drives us insane.
But, it comes an goes. Food, exercise, meetings, sr, sweets helped me get through it.
I constantly had sweets on hand. Now is not the time to lose weight.
The addiction will say and do anything to get us to relapse. Anything.
Thanks.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi Jillian - I'm so glad you posted about what's going on.
It took me quite a few times, too. I finally had to acknowledge that it was going to kill me. I was drinking every day, & was getting older - I wasn't recovering from binges the way I once did. I had a self esteem issue too - and foolishly thought drinking was actually helping. Instead, it makes us weak & vulnerable. I'm glad you recognize what needs to happen - we are with you.
It took me quite a few times, too. I finally had to acknowledge that it was going to kill me. I was drinking every day, & was getting older - I wasn't recovering from binges the way I once did. I had a self esteem issue too - and foolishly thought drinking was actually helping. Instead, it makes us weak & vulnerable. I'm glad you recognize what needs to happen - we are with you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Welcome back Jillian - why not join our November support thread?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-2-a-15.html
All you have to do to join is post
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-2-a-15.html
All you have to do to join is post
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Whatever it is that keeps bringing you back here, that is in you that wants to quit, finally, for good - you need to focus everything in on that, nurture it and give it what it needs to grow. I've followed your journey here and it's clear, like many of us, that you have suffered deeply. Is it time to finally give yourself what you deserve?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Whatever it is that keeps bringing you back here, that is in you that wants to quit, finally, for good - you need to focus everything in on that, nurture it and give it what it needs to grow. I've followed your journey here and it's clear, like many of us, that you have suffered deeply. Is it time to finally give yourself what you deserve?
I’m grateful that I woke up hangover free today.
It’s time to take my life back.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 42
Congrats on coming back. I tried to stop drinking for many years. Ultimately, I really didn't have the desire to stop. I had to be honest, as I was lying to myself for years. It is now day 179 of my sobriety. This is longest I have ever gone in my 30+ years of drinking. I went to AA and fully immersed myself in the program and read any and all recovery literature I could get my hands on. I went back to exercising, walking my dogs, playing with the kids and generally keeping myself busy. I don't know what I will be doing tomorrow, but I have a sober today. I can honestly say I don't miss my former partner, booze.
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