The movie-- Beautiful Boy
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The movie-- Beautiful Boy
Haven't seen this yet but read some comments about it. One mom wrote that she will never give up on her son and will keep fighting...
I feel as though I have lost the fight. I feel like I have given up now.
My son relapsed after almost 3 months. He got angry at the new girlfriend and chose to pick up the booze. When I asked him why he thought drinking would help he has no answer. When I asked him if he really thought he would be able to stop after taking the first sip, he has no answer.
Called me yesterday at 2:25am and said he how bad he was again in just 3 days. Passed out, chipped a tooth, broke his glasses, etc. He didn't want this to go on and was going to get his life back together again and call places about sober living.
That lasted until about noon yesterday and he started drinking again. Said that he can't stop and he hates it. He facetimed us last night and we suggested he go to the hospital and to detox and then get into sober living or something. He said he called his recovery coach and she said he would need PHP for 10 days. Refuses to take off of work again even though he just missed the last 3 days and will most likely miss Friday...
He knows I am beyond angry. He hasn't made any contact with me. My husband called and he said he was going to go to the hospital..
I did send a text that I was praying for him and hope that he will so ask God for help. (He doesn't have a higher power). I could see that he was going to respond and then didn't.
So it should be a real good Thanksgiving with family trying to put a happy face on when you have a child (who is an adult) 1700 miles away that you have no clue is okay or not.
Only God can help him. I feel like I have thrown in the towel and they say to keep supporting them but seriously it has worn me down.
I feel as though I have lost the fight. I feel like I have given up now.
My son relapsed after almost 3 months. He got angry at the new girlfriend and chose to pick up the booze. When I asked him why he thought drinking would help he has no answer. When I asked him if he really thought he would be able to stop after taking the first sip, he has no answer.
Called me yesterday at 2:25am and said he how bad he was again in just 3 days. Passed out, chipped a tooth, broke his glasses, etc. He didn't want this to go on and was going to get his life back together again and call places about sober living.
That lasted until about noon yesterday and he started drinking again. Said that he can't stop and he hates it. He facetimed us last night and we suggested he go to the hospital and to detox and then get into sober living or something. He said he called his recovery coach and she said he would need PHP for 10 days. Refuses to take off of work again even though he just missed the last 3 days and will most likely miss Friday...
He knows I am beyond angry. He hasn't made any contact with me. My husband called and he said he was going to go to the hospital..
I did send a text that I was praying for him and hope that he will so ask God for help. (He doesn't have a higher power). I could see that he was going to respond and then didn't.
So it should be a real good Thanksgiving with family trying to put a happy face on when you have a child (who is an adult) 1700 miles away that you have no clue is okay or not.
Only God can help him. I feel like I have thrown in the towel and they say to keep supporting them but seriously it has worn me down.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Hummingbird, I think you are doing the right thing. It's okay to feel the way you do. The problem with these movies about addiction is that they always make it seem like you can keep holding on to something intangible, it's as if they're saying you can hold hope for someone else when they don't hold any hope for themselves. It would be nice one day if a movie were made about codependency -- a movie from your point of view and what it's like to keep hoping, keep hoping, keep supporting someone who just won't quit. I can't bring myself to watch "A Star is Born" for this reason.
Please take a break from worrying and put your faith in God this Christmas (if you believe in the Christian God... Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, after all). If you don't believe in God, there's always the Winter Solstice in the Northern hemisphere on the 21st December.
Please take a break from worrying and put your faith in God this Christmas (if you believe in the Christian God... Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, after all). If you don't believe in God, there's always the Winter Solstice in the Northern hemisphere on the 21st December.
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Hospital discharged him. I am sure his friends are upset with him as well because he is not a very nice person at the hospital.
I asked him what he was going to do moving forward and got no answer.
I guess I just let it go. He is 24 and we have offered to support him through sober living but still not making a move.
I asked him what he was going to do moving forward and got no answer.
I guess I just let it go. He is 24 and we have offered to support him through sober living but still not making a move.
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I forgot to add to my previous post that he cut up all of his cards so he would not be able to purchase any booze... He doesn't want this life but seems to not want to get the help that is out there. I am sure he was not nice to those who took him to the er today. The one sent my daughter a text asking for my number and when I text her she never replied.
Why are they so resistant to accept help...
Why are they so resistant to accept help...
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Why are they so resistant to accept help...
That's the addiction, that's one of the pillars of addiction actually, their Alcoholic Voice in their head will not tolerate anything that gets in the way of the drink!
Movies are way too simplistic. But I have heard the Dad who wrote the book that the movie is based on. If you get a chance to hear him you should or maybe read the book. You haven't "given up" on your son. I haven't "given up" on my brothers. All the emotions and frustration and anger you are feeling the Dad who wrote that book felt too. You are reacting to a random person saying she won't "give up" on her son. I say: define "give up!"
We know that there is only so much we can DO to lead the addict to help. They have to pick up the baton. Praying for them, sending them love, offering what help we can without enabling their addiction is all proof that we have not "given up" on the loved one.
Taking care of ourselves so that we are an example of self-care does not mean we have given up on anyone! Don't give up on yourself, and remember no one knows your heart but you, so don't let a person's rando comment about a movie take you down a rabbit hole. Deep breath. Hug yourself. This sh*t is unbearable, yet we continue to bear it and discover we often don't know our own strength.
Sending you big hugs and a shot of courage.
Peace,
B.
That's the addiction, that's one of the pillars of addiction actually, their Alcoholic Voice in their head will not tolerate anything that gets in the way of the drink!
Movies are way too simplistic. But I have heard the Dad who wrote the book that the movie is based on. If you get a chance to hear him you should or maybe read the book. You haven't "given up" on your son. I haven't "given up" on my brothers. All the emotions and frustration and anger you are feeling the Dad who wrote that book felt too. You are reacting to a random person saying she won't "give up" on her son. I say: define "give up!"
We know that there is only so much we can DO to lead the addict to help. They have to pick up the baton. Praying for them, sending them love, offering what help we can without enabling their addiction is all proof that we have not "given up" on the loved one.
Taking care of ourselves so that we are an example of self-care does not mean we have given up on anyone! Don't give up on yourself, and remember no one knows your heart but you, so don't let a person's rando comment about a movie take you down a rabbit hole. Deep breath. Hug yourself. This sh*t is unbearable, yet we continue to bear it and discover we often don't know our own strength.
Sending you big hugs and a shot of courage.
Peace,
B.
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Location: Midwest
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Recently had to stop listening to an otherwise good audiobook b/c of its ridiculous attitude towards one of the main characters, who was an alcoholic. I was outraged at the portrayal of his wife as being a good person b/c she "didn't give up on him", she stuck by him until he got sober. Oh, but the A was in major relapse now--but the "good wife" was going to stand by her man again, b/c as we know, that's all it takes to get an A started on the path to righteousness again, right?
Crap like this does SO much damage, I think! People swallow the romanticized, sanitized version of things and think it's real...
Crap like this does SO much damage, I think! People swallow the romanticized, sanitized version of things and think it's real...
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Originally Posted by hummingbird358 
Haven't seen this yet but read some comments about it. One mom wrote that she will never give up on her son and will keep fighting...
I feel as though I have lost the fight. I feel like I have given up now.
My son relapsed after almost 3 months. He got angry at the new girlfriend and chose to pick up the booze. When I asked him why he thought drinking would help he has no answer. When I asked him if he really thought he would be able to stop after taking the first sip, he has no answer.
Called me yesterday at 2:25am and said he how bad he was again in just 3 days. Passed out, chipped a tooth, broke his glasses, etc. He didn't want this to go on and was going to get his life back together again and call places about sober living.
That lasted until about noon yesterday and he started drinking again. Said that he can't stop and he hates it. He facetimed us last night and we suggested he go to the hospital and to detox and then get into sober living or something. He said he called his recovery coach and she said he would need PHP for 10 days. Refuses to take off of work again even though he just missed the last 3 days and will most likely miss Friday...
He knows I am beyond angry. He hasn't made any contact with me. My husband called and he said he was going to go to the hospital..
I did send a text that I was praying for him and hope that he will so ask God for help. (He doesn't have a higher power). I could see that he was going to respond and then didn't.
So it should be a real good Thanksgiving with family trying to put a happy face on when you have a child (who is an adult) 1700 miles away that you have no clue is okay or not.
Only God can help him. I feel like I have thrown in the towel and they say to keep supporting them but seriously it has worn me down.
I feel as though I have lost the fight. I feel like I have given up now.
My son relapsed after almost 3 months. He got angry at the new girlfriend and chose to pick up the booze. When I asked him why he thought drinking would help he has no answer. When I asked him if he really thought he would be able to stop after taking the first sip, he has no answer.
Called me yesterday at 2:25am and said he how bad he was again in just 3 days. Passed out, chipped a tooth, broke his glasses, etc. He didn't want this to go on and was going to get his life back together again and call places about sober living.
That lasted until about noon yesterday and he started drinking again. Said that he can't stop and he hates it. He facetimed us last night and we suggested he go to the hospital and to detox and then get into sober living or something. He said he called his recovery coach and she said he would need PHP for 10 days. Refuses to take off of work again even though he just missed the last 3 days and will most likely miss Friday...
He knows I am beyond angry. He hasn't made any contact with me. My husband called and he said he was going to go to the hospital..
I did send a text that I was praying for him and hope that he will so ask God for help. (He doesn't have a higher power). I could see that he was going to respond and then didn't.
So it should be a real good Thanksgiving with family trying to put a happy face on when you have a child (who is an adult) 1700 miles away that you have no clue is okay or not.
Only God can help him. I feel like I have thrown in the towel and they say to keep supporting them but seriously it has worn me down.
I'd have easily been a tragic statistic - and I was the only one who could stop me. I copied your whole post because everything you ask is something my parents did, the things he has said and done are things I said and did, and that was the hell our family went through and came out on the side of my recovery, and our whole family's gradual repair.
I can't tell you what to do other than act with love, whatever that means to you and your husband. Prayers for your son - and you.
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