kthopkt

I realized today that my brother lives a life completely void of me. He has always had a way to make me feel as though I am the only family member he has and that I am special - important. I have always wanted to believe that because I have wanted to be that person. But, the reality is he doesn’t care about me and never has. He has only contacted me when he has wanted or needed something. He has never asked me about my life or has made any effort to be there for me. This has been going on for 20 years. Days, weeks, months, and even years pass and I don’t hear anything at all from him – even when he is sober. I always resorted to the idea that he was using and sick and has avoided me for that reason. But, then today I saw he has a public Facebook page. I was sickened to my core to see that he looked ok (clean, in a nice home) and had lots of friends I have never even heard of. Two of his children were communicating with him, along with one of our cousins. He doesn’t’ even attempt to have anything to do with me, but why? After everything I have done for him, which is a lot, how can he live his life without wanting me to be a part of it. I think it is great if he is doing well (awesome, actually), but it tears me apart that I care so much about him and he doesn’t even act as though I exist. From looking at his Facebook page, I don’t’ even know if I even know who he really is.

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

D122y

ktho,

My Mom is a religious. JW. Some say it is a cult. She has been one for over 50 years. He husband is some kind of priest in the JW. From what I can tell, the religion breaks up families and alienates people.

She is fairly wealthy and would invite me yearly for a visit. It always turned into several preachy sessions almost like it was the only way I was allowed around. I basically got exhausted from the fakeness of the situation,

I tried to get her out of my life, but she started to have a nervous breakdown or something.

There is a bunch more, but I relate to your situation in that way.

I try to live my life, minus my mother. I know when she dies I will never hear from that side of the family every again.

Hope this helps in some way.

Thanks.

So I deal with

trailmix

He could be either, or he could be how he always has been. FB is not reality, it's just text and pictures which can be used to create a story if needed.

I mean there are people who use it in some normal way, post a pic of the new baby and everyone says awww and that's it. No drama, no fake our lives are perfect.

Here is an example for you. I actually dated a narcissist for a while. Long story short, after we broke up he went back to where he came from (had been a non-fb person for a while).

Well lo and behold if either the day of or the day after I suggested we not speak to each other, he's back on fb! He posts a picture which is already out of date (one I took in fact), says hey, i'm back (doesn't mention that he has been back 3 weeks, managed to get kicked out of his friends house where he was staying because he had a huge argument with the friend's girlfriend, went back to sponge off Dad and Brother as he was still unemployed etc).

Used the FB page to promote something he was making, started a go fund me (that never made a cent) guess his friends knew him.

Anyway, it's a long story and I won't bore you with anymore details, just that he was no different than always, just posting a phony front on FB, nothing more.

Your Brother hasn't changed. He may (or may not) be sober etc etc. Maybe this is his way of using other people, you just don't know.

The bottom line is, you shouldn't allow him to treat you with anything less than the respect you deserve, and the kindness.

Troubledone

One of the sad things that can also happen when any of us "help" an addict in the family, is sometimes they feel so guilty (unconsciously) that when they get sober, they can't stand to be around the people that helped them.

Or (like my brother), they may be not using, but haven't really worked a 12 step program that corrects their sick thinking patterns. I think they call this a "dry drunk" in AA.

Or - it might not be all roses like the FB posts (there is a lot of fiction on FB), and having you too close might "out" him.

Either way, it is very sad that he isn't in relationship with you. And - there is not much you can do about it other than have compassion for yourself and make your life rewarding with or without him.

Prayers you find peace with this.

BriarSkye

I have a sister who makes no effort to have a relationship with me.
I was MIA for several years and she made no effort to contact me and find
out if I was OK or not, which I wasn't.
Of course I could not even ask her for help to get out of an incredibly bad situation.
After finally extricating myself from an abuser I called her and all she had to say
was that she did not have time to talk until her children were grown.
This is narcissism plain and simple.
This type of narcissism in families seems to be more common than we know,
even with celebrities.
My sister is not an addict, but my family is riddled with addiction and alcoholism.
Addiction is narcissism also, maybe people in families have the same issues,
even if they don't use.
Addiction/Alcoholism is a family disease.
"Addiction is not a spectator sport, eventually the whole family gets to play."
So I can relate to your feelings.
Maybe try to take some comfort in the understanding that this behavior is their unresolved issues.
Maybe they need another 12 step program for families. Maybe we do too.

P.S.
Facebook social media can be a facade for some people,
they can portray anything, who is to say if it is true or not.
Consider the source.

hopeful4

If you look at my Xhusband's FB page you would see a man who looks happy, seems to have lots of friends (at least on FB), and a happy marriage. Incoming reality. He is an isolated addict in a miserable marriage. FB does not show an accurate portrayal of who a person really is.

Big hugs.