OtterIsland

So last night I drank, 4 glasses of my favorite red wine. I didn't sleep good and I woke thirsty and with a bad headache. I feel miserable, both physically and mentally.

I have my annual Dr appt today. I was going to call in sick and push it out 2-3 weeks, that way I could be sober 2-3 weeks when I saw my Dr.

Well, guess what, I realized that's just not going to work for me....I'm just going to relapse again and restart on day 1 again....like I have for so many years.

So what's it going to take for me to make this my last day 1? I don't know, but it needs to be something different that I have never tried before. So I am going to my Dr appt and I'm going to tell him I still have a drinking problem and although I've been aware of and admitting my problem for about 8 years, I likely drank too much for as many as 14 years.

I feel foolish wanting to ask "so Doc, what's the damage, how bad off am I?" when I did this to myself and I let my self get to this place. But honestly that's what I want to know, in addition to what the hell do I do to quit this ugly cycle.

I did AA on and off for 7 years (one time I had 11 months in a row sober, going twice a week to AA and holding pretty steady to not drinking) and always feel worse leaving a meeting than I do arriving. So I stopped. And I started drinking. Haven't been to AA in over a year now.

Have at it, I'd love your comments, suggestions, jokes, serious statement and love....all right here and now cause I need it. I really, really need it.

Thanks.

labgirl

Hi Otter. Welcome.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Otter. I think that coming clean with your doc today sound like a great idea, and it's definitely something different if you've never done it before.

For me it wasn't so much about what kind of support or specific plan I tried as much as acceptance/ownership of my drinking. I fully accept now that drinking even one sip of alcohol is never an option for me anymore - period. Sure I could choose to have a drink, but I acknowledge that if I do, the consequences will be dire and of my own doing.

RDBplus3

Hello Otter,
A lot of people get sober without AA. I couldn't. In my experience, the term, 'meeting makers make it', is not the determining factor in getting Free in AA.
AA is the PROGRAM of working the Steps ... going to meetings is the social part. A very important part, but thinking I would get Sober - Really Happy, Joyous and Free Sober, thru the 'Osmosis' of being in meetings with others in AA ... didn't work.

In my experience, the best AA cliche' is ... IT WORKS IF I WORK IT , AND IT WON'T IF I DON'T. (Working the Steps, that is)

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE

Ghostlight1

Well, you have a complicated situation, seems to me.

I'd tell the doctor the complete truth, for starters. If it'll make you feel better, that is.
There's nothing he can make you do to quit drinking except, as you say, how bad the damage is.
Don't have any real answer for you. Except stop drinking. You've done it before.
Best to you.

Hawkeye13

Sending you some love otter--and the certainty that you can quit, and quit for good.

If we can, you surely can too. We're just regular folks like you.
But you have the advantage over us as an otter-fan

Come clean to the doc, get some tests, and make a recovery plan.
We're here to support you.
Dump any booze in the house out, and make a pact with yourself not to buy or accept more from anyone, at least through the rest of the holiday season and year.

That will get you a good start, through a dangerous time, and give your mind time to clear and a sense of how much better you feel.

Dee74

Welcome back Otterisland - let us know what the feedback is from you doctor

D

OtterIsland

An update-

I saw the Dr. this afternoon. It was hard but my annual physical quickly turned into an appointment to address my alcohol issues. He was very caring, didn't judge me and offered several options.

We switched one of my meds for anxiety, moving away from one that is habit forming, ordered blood tests, got my blood taken right there. and talked about my options for moving forward. 'm going to reach out to a list of substance abuse counselors and look into the details of an IOP program to see if it might work for me. I go back in 4 weeks to check in.

Hoping I can break free from these chains and find the life I really want.

Thanks to those who have offered advice and support, it's really appreciated. Never would have thought my day was going in this direction today. I'm happy it did, as hard as it was. Ready for dinner, hot bath and hopefully full restful night's rest. 😴

-Otter

GhostFace

Wishing you the best of luck Otter, work on a plan and keep yourself busy. I had many day ones.

Jim1958

Always a tough call for me. I used to go sober for a month before appointments and blood work. Then I would relapse after the appointment. I recently had a procedure and was able to tell the nurse no alcohol for four months. It felt good. But I think I have downplayed my drinking to my doctor and I am not sure that was a good idea. I just have not been able to come 100% clean to him.

Hevyn

We're on your team, Otter. Behind you all the way, with understanding & encouragement. We know you can get free.

tabasco

AA sober 11 months too. Then AA sober 14 months, now AA and still sober 3 months. I think if you have proven AA works for 11 months, for you, then you have to ask yourself is being sober the next 11 months something you want. I would give it another go.