JackD89

I went back down the rabbit hole. I had a series of bad life events happen so I started hitting the bottle hard again. idk why it's so hard to turn away from the bottle. I just need to get healthy. I've been battling depression again in a really weird way. I think it's time i get the real help i need and get to the bottom of this.

I think I have drank every night for the last 1.5 months. I went so hard this weekend I barely remember any of it. I woke up this morning to my heart beating out of my chest so bad I had to miss work. I drank half a bottle of wine to stem off the shakes. They are back.

I took some OTC sleeping meds. That helped last time I did this. I am terrified of having bad withdraws symptoms. They didn't get that bad last time. Just the first day or so. Then things get a little foggy for a couple days. Then I crave sugar. Then I break out. Then I level out. It's time to level out again.

I decided to get out my sober journals and start reading through them again to get that image of who i was when I first decided to get sober and stayed sober for 5 months.

This dread and terror I feel is awful. I hope to go to bed and wake up a new person, but who knows. My withdrawals have never lasted more than a day. I know each time I do this it is going to get worse. And it does.

I need to stay strong. I need stay sober. I need my life back again.

I wrote last Christmas in a notebook that if I was in the same shape a year later that I was last Christmas, I would throw my ass in rehab. If I cannot do this, that might be the next step. The thing is, I have spent the last three christmases either so hungover I couldn't spend the time I wanted with my family, with the shakes, or just flat out drunk. I don't want that this year.

My face and stomach are so bloated and the pores on my face are disgusting. Alcohol truly is poison.

Anyway, I am back. I'm going to try and post daily. Thanks everyone.

Anna

I'm sorry that you're drinking again. And, you're right, the withdrawals do seem to get worse each time we go through this. Is there something that you can add to your recovery program? And, it might be helpful to write out a plan as to how you will deal with life's problems. That way, you can be prepared when something happens in your life. You can do this!

Ghostlight1

Glad you're back but sorry you have a reason to be.
Might be a good idea to get checked out by a doctor, sounds like some pretty bad withdrawals this time around.
Stick around here and read and post. Maybe that'll help take the edge off.
Just remember you're going to be okay, and you never have to go through this again.

Dee74

You have some great ideas on things to follow through with Jack - follow through on them and you could be in a massively different place by Christmas

welcome back

D

least

Glad you're back and want to get sober again. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

swtjudy

I can sure relate to what you are going through. I have been clean 33 years but i still remember vividly what it was like to have withdrawals and blackouts. The holidays are still tough for me and I still want to get high from time to time but I have learned how to fight it. They taught me in rehab that when I want to use to sit down and make a list of the pros and cons of getting drunk. That gives you time to get strong. I went into a treatment center and then into a halfway house which really helped. But after I was sober for about a year I met Jesus and was saved and He is my only real strength. I hope you won't mind me sharing this scripture with you. Psalm 40:2 says, "The Lord lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." I never had anyone in my life before that could or would give me that. My prayers are with you....swtjudy

thomas11

The withdrawal process when one of the main reasons I quit. I couldn't take it anymore and I wasn't getting any younger. The pounding heart and jumping at noises and lack of sleep for 30 hours or so was killing me. Wishing you the best.

Hevyn

Good to have you back with us, Jack. You can reclaim your life & put an end to this suffering. Look forward to all the great days to come. I hope you will post often - we're here to listen and help.