Feeling different about the holidays
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Feeling different about the holidays
I can finally reflect and see that I HAVE CHANGED. I have hated the holidays for years. My XAH destroyed them one by one. It created nothing but anxiety and grief. Even after we divorced b/c of the way it affects my children. My PTSD would kick in right about now and I would stay on alert until January.
However, situations change. People grow and become stronger. Addicts realize that the people in their lives have created boundaries and plan to stick to them. My children are strong enough to do so. I have been doing so.
For the first time in a very long time, I don't feel dread for the upcoming holidays. I feel peace. Even if things don't go well, everyone will be ok. My children will walk away if need be. If not, they will stay and try to have a nice time. Either way, they will be fine.
It's nice to feel this calm and to actually look forward to spending time with family and friends. It's also sad because this year and last we lost three very important people in our lives who will be dearly missed. That being said, we will honor them and still enjoy ourselves.
I wish everyone peace and calm for the upcoming holidays. Honor yourselves no matter what is going on in your lives as you deserve to be peaceful and calm. To enjoy the moments.
However, situations change. People grow and become stronger. Addicts realize that the people in their lives have created boundaries and plan to stick to them. My children are strong enough to do so. I have been doing so.
For the first time in a very long time, I don't feel dread for the upcoming holidays. I feel peace. Even if things don't go well, everyone will be ok. My children will walk away if need be. If not, they will stay and try to have a nice time. Either way, they will be fine.
It's nice to feel this calm and to actually look forward to spending time with family and friends. It's also sad because this year and last we lost three very important people in our lives who will be dearly missed. That being said, we will honor them and still enjoy ourselves.
I wish everyone peace and calm for the upcoming holidays. Honor yourselves no matter what is going on in your lives as you deserve to be peaceful and calm. To enjoy the moments.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 160
This is my first holiday without my husband--it's going to be weird. I moved with him to a place where his entire family lives, and I don't really have anyone. So holidays might be a bit... small... in the future 
This year I am going over to his parents house to cook Thanksgiving for them, my son, and some of his other family. My husband and his mother aren't even speaking right now--who knows why. I assume he will be there, though. I enjoy his family and the holidays remind me that they may not be in my life much in the future.... which is sad. I will try to enjoy this Thanksgiving in case it's the last one with them.
But aside from the actual DAY of each holiday--I'm excited to do Christmas-related things with my son. It's his first year of ...kind of... understanding the holidays and I want to show him Christmas lights, have him meet Santa (we are collecting pictures of things he wants to ask Santa for), go shopping for presents, etc.
This year I am going over to his parents house to cook Thanksgiving for them, my son, and some of his other family. My husband and his mother aren't even speaking right now--who knows why. I assume he will be there, though. I enjoy his family and the holidays remind me that they may not be in my life much in the future.... which is sad. I will try to enjoy this Thanksgiving in case it's the last one with them. But aside from the actual DAY of each holiday--I'm excited to do Christmas-related things with my son. It's his first year of ...kind of... understanding the holidays and I want to show him Christmas lights, have him meet Santa (we are collecting pictures of things he wants to ask Santa for), go shopping for presents, etc.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
I wish everyone peace and calm for the upcoming holidays. Honor yourselves no matter what is going on in your lives as you deserve to be peaceful and calm. To enjoy the moments.
Hi hopeful,
Thank you!! Happy holidays and many blessings.
Matthew West, gobble gobble song:
http://youtu.be/HMTWF0HTVZo
Hi hopeful,
Thank you!! Happy holidays and many blessings.
Matthew West, gobble gobble song:
http://youtu.be/HMTWF0HTVZo
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Thank you FireSprite! I feel....different. I am not even sure how to explain it. More calm. More grounded in myself. More confident about who I am and what I have instilled in my children. I have wanted this feeling for so long, and it's finally here! I will always be a work in progress, but to do so with a calm, clear mind that is not clouded with worry and anxiety is a true blessing.
Happy Thanksgiving friend!
Happy Thanksgiving friend!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Thank you FireSprite! I feel....different. I am not even sure how to explain it. More calm. More grounded in myself. More confident about who I am and what I have instilled in my children. I have wanted this feeling for so long, and it's finally here! I will always be a work in progress, but to do so with a calm, clear mind that is not clouded with worry and anxiety is a true blessing.
Happy Thanksgiving friend!
Happy Thanksgiving friend!
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
I hope to one day be where you are in your recovery.
I finally put our tree up this morning...by myself. I sat and cried in front of the tree. not sure why. I hope that one day in the very near future I don't cry on Christmas.
I finally put our tree up this morning...by myself. I sat and cried in front of the tree. not sure why. I hope that one day in the very near future I don't cry on Christmas.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello friends.
This has been a path. I am not always happy, I am not always reflecting on the bigger picture. However, even in those hard times when life catches up to me, I have changed. I am finally cured of codependency. I don't future trip. I recognize that I cannot control anyone except myself. This is huge for me as I am a high strung person with a lot of anxiety.
I went to a cookie baking party Saturday with friends and family. It was wonderful. Just spending time together, relaxing, and enjoying some very good cookies! This to me is what the holidays are about. Not stress. Not spending, spending, spending. Not worry of what will happen on Xmas eve (will X drink, will he not). Either way, that is up to him and will be ok.
I went to church yesterday and the sermon was on friendship and connections in our lives, and how important that is. That God did not intend for us to do life alone. It was such a wonderful sermon, I wish I could have filled the pews with my friends here at SR!!! I told the pastor after how much it touched my heart.
Last night I sat before my beautiful tree and looked at the nativity set my grandmother passed down to me. She loved it so much, she would be so happy to see it in my living room. I miss her so, but love all the memories.
I am not even close to being done shopping. And, I have no panic about that at all. No one in my family wants for anything, so we will do just fine.
I wish I could explain what made this happen. My heart grew. My confidence grew. Something in me clicked. It has taken such a long time for this to happen, but it has. Even in the most dire situations I don't let stress and worry overtake my life anymore. I can only say with it comes happiness, relief, and calm. I wish this for all of my friends here at SR.
I hope everyone has a blessed day!
This has been a path. I am not always happy, I am not always reflecting on the bigger picture. However, even in those hard times when life catches up to me, I have changed. I am finally cured of codependency. I don't future trip. I recognize that I cannot control anyone except myself. This is huge for me as I am a high strung person with a lot of anxiety.
I went to a cookie baking party Saturday with friends and family. It was wonderful. Just spending time together, relaxing, and enjoying some very good cookies! This to me is what the holidays are about. Not stress. Not spending, spending, spending. Not worry of what will happen on Xmas eve (will X drink, will he not). Either way, that is up to him and will be ok.
I went to church yesterday and the sermon was on friendship and connections in our lives, and how important that is. That God did not intend for us to do life alone. It was such a wonderful sermon, I wish I could have filled the pews with my friends here at SR!!! I told the pastor after how much it touched my heart.
Last night I sat before my beautiful tree and looked at the nativity set my grandmother passed down to me. She loved it so much, she would be so happy to see it in my living room. I miss her so, but love all the memories.
I am not even close to being done shopping. And, I have no panic about that at all. No one in my family wants for anything, so we will do just fine.
I wish I could explain what made this happen. My heart grew. My confidence grew. Something in me clicked. It has taken such a long time for this to happen, but it has. Even in the most dire situations I don't let stress and worry overtake my life anymore. I can only say with it comes happiness, relief, and calm. I wish this for all of my friends here at SR.
I hope everyone has a blessed day!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by hopeful4
I wish I could explain what made this happen. My heart grew. My confidence grew. Something in me clicked. It has taken such a long time for this to happen, but it has.
I've talked to another friend going through big changes like this too & she said almost the exact same thing - there just aren't words to describe it because it's such a personal journey of freeing yourself from internal demons. It's like trying to tell someone how it feels to be a parent for the 1st time - it's a change you have to experience to "get" fully.
I'm SO happy for you!!!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Yes, yes that is so right FS!!! I wish I had words for it. I have always had clicks in my mind of accepting that things have to happen. For example, it clicked the day it ended with my XAH. I knew with 100% certainty there was no going back. This is nothing the same. It's an actual mind shift that changes your paths of thinking. I like this way a whole lot better LOL!
Thank you for cheering me on friend, I could not have made it where I am without you and this wonderful place!
Thank you for cheering me on friend, I could not have made it where I am without you and this wonderful place!
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Join Date: May 2010
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Just an update!
Well, as usual, XAH outdid himself being an a$$ to our kids over XMas. Youngest said she is not going to his house for visitation. I said OK and that was that. He threw a fit but I stood by her as he was dead wrong about what he did, and any judge or police officer would understand why she was not going.
The part I am proud of?? Before, I would have let this ruin my holiday. Not this time. Of course I felt sad for my kids, but all of us just got it together and said we will just enjoy the rest of the holiday, which we did, immensely. I am proud I did not flip out. I am proud I engaged only in what needed to be said and nothing else, despite being baited. I am glad I was strong and did not let anxiety rule everything I was feeling.
All in all, while it's bad it happened, my reaction only affirms the changes I can see in myself.
#feeling proud
Well, as usual, XAH outdid himself being an a$$ to our kids over XMas. Youngest said she is not going to his house for visitation. I said OK and that was that. He threw a fit but I stood by her as he was dead wrong about what he did, and any judge or police officer would understand why she was not going.
The part I am proud of?? Before, I would have let this ruin my holiday. Not this time. Of course I felt sad for my kids, but all of us just got it together and said we will just enjoy the rest of the holiday, which we did, immensely. I am proud I did not flip out. I am proud I engaged only in what needed to be said and nothing else, despite being baited. I am glad I was strong and did not let anxiety rule everything I was feeling.
All in all, while it's bad it happened, my reaction only affirms the changes I can see in myself.
#feeling proud
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
There is something in that clicking! I've recently clicked that I will never end up with my ex. It doesn't stop me wanting to hear from him but I could almost feel the click going off in my brain! It's a realisation that becomes cemented. Clicks in.
Tonight I am spending New year's Eve alone, again. He is 10 miles away but will spend it with his cousin, drunk. I hope next year I choose better.
Tonight I am spending New year's Eve alone, again. He is 10 miles away but will spend it with his cousin, drunk. I hope next year I choose better.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
You know what, better alone than with a drunk who mistreats you!
Tonight I am going to dinner with a girlfriend and will likely end up at home, in my jammies, by 9 or 10:00. That is totally ok with me. I want drama free!!!
Tonight I am going to dinner with a girlfriend and will likely end up at home, in my jammies, by 9 or 10:00. That is totally ok with me. I want drama free!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by hopeful4
You know what, better alone than with a drunk who mistreats you!
Tonight I am going to dinner with a girlfriend and will likely end up at home, in my jammies, by 9 or 10:00. That is totally ok with me. I want drama free!!!
Tonight I am going to dinner with a girlfriend and will likely end up at home, in my jammies, by 9 or 10:00. That is totally ok with me. I want drama free!!!
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