Back again....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 67
Back again....
I am currently laying in bed full of shame. I drank a lot last night but haven’t picked up today. I made phone calls last night and cannot remember what I spoke about. One of the calls was to my Ex’s aunt. God only knows what I was talking to her about. I haven’t spoken to her for years. My ex mother in law rang me a couple of times but I haven’t answered the phone. My kids are with her this weekend and I just text her to ask how the kids are and she was really short with me in answering. I don’t know what to do. Do I call her and say that I don’t know what I said as was clearly in black out. Just want to crawl into a hole and stay there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm sorry you drank.
I would say yes, tell her that you screwed up. Your kids are with her so I'm assuming you need to be able to communicate with her. As hard as it is just own it, apologize and don't do it again. That's really all you can do.
I would say yes, tell her that you screwed up. Your kids are with her so I'm assuming you need to be able to communicate with her. As hard as it is just own it, apologize and don't do it again. That's really all you can do.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Amanda. I'd agree, you can't change what you've done but you can change what you do today. Not drinking is the most important thing by far, so glad to hear you aren't - make sure you keep that your number one priority. Regarding your MIL, if she's trying to get ahold of you just call her back - no use hiding, just move forward and take ownership of your actions.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I used to wake up a lot feeling exactly the same. Looking through my phone and realising I had had fairly lengthy conversations with people and had absolutely no memory of talking to them or what I said. The following sickness in the pit of my stomach and shame, the desire for the ground to open up and swallow me whole or praying I could turn back time and undo it all. And when those feelings got too much to bear....I had another drink. The good news is I don’t have to worry about it anymore and neither do you, it doesn’t have to be like this and things will get better if you stay sober.
Hiding away isn’t going to make you feel better, it’s just putting off what is going to happen anyway and that isn’t within your control so no point in worrying about it. it’s too easy to catastrophise and assume others reactions when you just don’t know what is going to be said. Buckle up, call your MIL and apologise. Take accountability and then you can move on and start to make a plan on staying sober.
Keep strong, know that you are not alone and be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes and you can come back from this xx
Hiding away isn’t going to make you feel better, it’s just putting off what is going to happen anyway and that isn’t within your control so no point in worrying about it. it’s too easy to catastrophise and assume others reactions when you just don’t know what is going to be said. Buckle up, call your MIL and apologise. Take accountability and then you can move on and start to make a plan on staying sober.
Keep strong, know that you are not alone and be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes and you can come back from this xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 67
Thank you for your messages. It’s such a lonely place to be and reading your messages gives me some comfort. I feel such a failure I really do and am so tired of letting myself and others down. I haven’t picked up today and it’s almost sleep time. I hope I wake feeling less ashamed of myself.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Today will be gone and behind you as you
wake up sober tomorrow feeling refreshed
and ready to begin building a stronger, solid
recovery foundation built on many important
lessons you learn each day moving forward.
The longer you remain sober and living your
life in recovery the less likely you will repeat
the same mistakes done when under the influence
of toxic and dangerous substance.
Forgive yourself and stay connect to your
recovery lifelines and never let them go.
We are here for you with love, care, support
and understanding without judgement.
wake up sober tomorrow feeling refreshed
and ready to begin building a stronger, solid
recovery foundation built on many important
lessons you learn each day moving forward.
The longer you remain sober and living your
life in recovery the less likely you will repeat
the same mistakes done when under the influence
of toxic and dangerous substance.
Forgive yourself and stay connect to your
recovery lifelines and never let them go.
We are here for you with love, care, support
and understanding without judgement.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 67
Thank you for your comforting messages. I woke up just as anxious but I didn’t drink yesterday and I have no intention of drinking today. I went to an AA meeting this morning- I felt like the biggest failure in there. Everyone was smiling and happy and I felt like the complete odd one out. I couldn’t talk as was worried about making an idiot of myself and people wouldn’t want to listen to me.
i haven’t yet spoke to my in laws but have been texting regarding my children. She always calls me when the kids leave with their dad for the journey home so am feeling super anxious and sick waiting for that call. I will just say what has been suggested that I screwed up and I don’t even remember talking to anyone on the phone. I am having a panic attack just thinking about it.
I have my eldest daughter coming round later with her boyfriend and then my younger children will be home. I just keep focusing on that to keep me going. I feel so much shame though as I put on this brave face for them and inside I am dying and thinking, “ if only you knew the state I was in Friday night you wouldn’t want to be with me”. I am going to try and get to an AA meeting everyday as I can’t keep doing this. Have a good day all x
i haven’t yet spoke to my in laws but have been texting regarding my children. She always calls me when the kids leave with their dad for the journey home so am feeling super anxious and sick waiting for that call. I will just say what has been suggested that I screwed up and I don’t even remember talking to anyone on the phone. I am having a panic attack just thinking about it.
I have my eldest daughter coming round later with her boyfriend and then my younger children will be home. I just keep focusing on that to keep me going. I feel so much shame though as I put on this brave face for them and inside I am dying and thinking, “ if only you knew the state I was in Friday night you wouldn’t want to be with me”. I am going to try and get to an AA meeting everyday as I can’t keep doing this. Have a good day all x
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