Day 0 aa not working
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Day 0 aa not working
I have tried and tried again. Today I got into an altercation with another member who is well respected on that site. He said to avoid confrontation and ask God for guidance to forgive instead. That really got me riled up. My ex threatened to hang me, even had a huge chain. I finally called the police who turned up in bullet proof vests complete with a helicopter hovering over my home. He left but I spent two months in a shelter. This guy insisted if I had handed it over to God there may have been a different outcome. So I am drinking again. Aa has no answers for me. I am still so angry but don't want to get banned from the site. Just venting. There has to be a different path.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I am at a loss what to say to you anymore Sweetiechick. AA doesn’t work for you, you work for it. This constant cycle of drama you are creating around yourself is very toxic and dangerous for you, you need to learn to let go and stop this self inflicted madness. What you are doing by drinking over this situation is drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.
I would strongly advise you get yourself off to rehab, you can’t do this on your own, fighting against the help your being given and thinking you know better when it is clear that your way doesn’t, hasn’t and never will work is insanity.
I worry for you greatly Sweetie, but I can’t wish and pray for you to be sober for you more than you do for yourself.
Please take care of yourself and throw away any alcohol you have xx
I would strongly advise you get yourself off to rehab, you can’t do this on your own, fighting against the help your being given and thinking you know better when it is clear that your way doesn’t, hasn’t and never will work is insanity.
I worry for you greatly Sweetie, but I can’t wish and pray for you to be sober for you more than you do for yourself.
Please take care of yourself and throw away any alcohol you have xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
MantaLady summed it up very well. You seem to have a life situation that is quite difficult and you struggle to stay sober for any length of time? At least that's what I recall.
Regarding your comment about AA not working. There are lots of folks on this site who use AA very effectively. However, many others here have recovered without using the AA program. I suggest you look to focus on the positive. If AA is not for you perhaps you can seek out non AA members on this site who can suggest a different path.
I wish you success in recovery.
Regarding your comment about AA not working. There are lots of folks on this site who use AA very effectively. However, many others here have recovered without using the AA program. I suggest you look to focus on the positive. If AA is not for you perhaps you can seek out non AA members on this site who can suggest a different path.
I wish you success in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 230
Well if i had helicopter over my house that would stop me and if whoever threatened to hung me this is not even dramatic ..its tragic ....i do not have answers ...maybe mental health team as this is more mental than avarage . Deffinitelly you cannot drink but how you make it its up to you . Just big hugs you have answers xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
You say AA isn't working like it's a laxative or something. Only person who can't stop you from drinking is you. But you knew this and know this and just keep running back to the poison no matter how often your life shows you otherwise. Of all your posts I'm still struck by the one where you were concerned that your daughter was out there drinking and drugging. You mention your ex all the time and these other struggles, seems to be enough leverage for you to quit for her.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
None of us ever have or will, quit until we were / are 100% completely, totally and unreservedly ready and wanting to do so.
Until that time - no amount of help on the planet, is going to make a jot of difference.
I hope that time comes for you soon Sweetichick - it's amazing here on the sober side.
Wishing you strength. x
Until that time - no amount of help on the planet, is going to make a jot of difference.
I hope that time comes for you soon Sweetichick - it's amazing here on the sober side.
Wishing you strength. x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Hi Sweetchick,
So, this drama happened awhile ago? You spent two months in a shelter in the past, is your ex still in the picture??
I had a hard time getting sober when I kept doing the same old things....dating men who were bad for my health, allowing family members to push my buttons, letting clients walk all over me. I drank to cover up the problems that drinking was causing.
Instead of trying to make a big plan today, how about just drying out. Stop drinking today and rest, shut out the world for awhile. Maybe do this for a few days....stock up on some good food and movies, and don't drink. You can face a "big plan' when your clear and refreshed.
Find it within yourself to stop, you can do it, Then you can decide what support system works best for you. It doesn't have to be AA. Hang in there, stop the drama, the madness, and the pain.
So, this drama happened awhile ago? You spent two months in a shelter in the past, is your ex still in the picture??
I had a hard time getting sober when I kept doing the same old things....dating men who were bad for my health, allowing family members to push my buttons, letting clients walk all over me. I drank to cover up the problems that drinking was causing.
Instead of trying to make a big plan today, how about just drying out. Stop drinking today and rest, shut out the world for awhile. Maybe do this for a few days....stock up on some good food and movies, and don't drink. You can face a "big plan' when your clear and refreshed.
Find it within yourself to stop, you can do it, Then you can decide what support system works best for you. It doesn't have to be AA. Hang in there, stop the drama, the madness, and the pain.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I think sometimes people say things without knowing how they will be heard. Is that on them?
It sounds like the person came across as victim blaming. I’ve also experienced this and it’s very difficult to take seriously.
On the other hand, AA is an important tool for recovery and probably a good idea to just power through if you can, so you can get the strength in sobriety to be able to confront some of that past trauma.
It is very true that there’s “black and white thinking” - that comes off as blaming the victim, there.
I’m sorry for what you’ve endured in the past, and want to remind you that it’s not a healthy excuse to hurt yourself by drinking now, nor was it then. I hope you can gather yourself together, go back, and use the AA tool so you can get sober and try to shut out the victim blaming stuff.
It sounds like the person came across as victim blaming. I’ve also experienced this and it’s very difficult to take seriously.
On the other hand, AA is an important tool for recovery and probably a good idea to just power through if you can, so you can get the strength in sobriety to be able to confront some of that past trauma.
It is very true that there’s “black and white thinking” - that comes off as blaming the victim, there.
I’m sorry for what you’ve endured in the past, and want to remind you that it’s not a healthy excuse to hurt yourself by drinking now, nor was it then. I hope you can gather yourself together, go back, and use the AA tool so you can get sober and try to shut out the victim blaming stuff.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,152
AA works for some. Secular recovery works for others. Some alcoholics do it on their own. To succeed using any one of these methods you have to latch onto the common thread that runs through all of them. You must take responsibility first. Even where alcoholics claim they have turned their lives over to god, those among them that succeed are taking responsibility. You can't turn your problems over to anyone else and have them solve everything. Not even a god can do this, although many in AA would deny that. When it comes right down to it, you have to do all of the heavy lifting yourself. AA meetings can provide support, and they will whole heartedly cheer your success, but no one there can fix you. The hard work is always your responsibility.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
SC if there is one, just one, concept that I really hope you will absorb is that nothing 'makes' you drink. You choose to drink. Period.
If you can embrace that and get honest with yourself you will building your foundation. As long as you are the victim to everything you will continue to rationalize your drinking.
AA taught me little about how to quit drinking. I had to face that quitting is just that. An absolute commitment to not drink, no matter what. What I learned in AA, once I was willing, was how to live life. Cope with my feelings, my actions and reactions. Own my stuff and quit justifying and blaming. When you take the alcohol away, I have a 'living' problem. Alcohol was just the massively maladaptive coping mechanism I chose to use.
I hope you will see that there is no 'reason' to drink.
If you can embrace that and get honest with yourself you will building your foundation. As long as you are the victim to everything you will continue to rationalize your drinking.
AA taught me little about how to quit drinking. I had to face that quitting is just that. An absolute commitment to not drink, no matter what. What I learned in AA, once I was willing, was how to live life. Cope with my feelings, my actions and reactions. Own my stuff and quit justifying and blaming. When you take the alcohol away, I have a 'living' problem. Alcohol was just the massively maladaptive coping mechanism I chose to use.
I hope you will see that there is no 'reason' to drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Everyone has past trauma.
I don't talk about mine in detail very often on this site because I don't want it "out" for others to dissect and I've forgiven myself and the people who hurt me in the past. It's really the only way out.
Everyone has past trauma. Everyone has difficulty dealing with other people.
It's just an excuse to stay depressed and in the bottle.
Not only that, the only way I healed from all of it was to get sober and stay that way and then work on each past issue individually. Therapy, church, books, reading on the internet on good sites like Psychology Today.
There is healing for you but not if you keep drinking and running the obsessions over and over, which is what alcohol does to the brain.
I don't talk about mine in detail very often on this site because I don't want it "out" for others to dissect and I've forgiven myself and the people who hurt me in the past. It's really the only way out.
Everyone has past trauma. Everyone has difficulty dealing with other people.
It's just an excuse to stay depressed and in the bottle.
Not only that, the only way I healed from all of it was to get sober and stay that way and then work on each past issue individually. Therapy, church, books, reading on the internet on good sites like Psychology Today.
There is healing for you but not if you keep drinking and running the obsessions over and over, which is what alcohol does to the brain.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 131
I understand the siren like calling of alcohol. I live in an unbearable depression and constantly try to work up to sustainable levels....zero joy. Your recent posts indicate you are severely impaired/under the influence. If that is true, try to realize in some distant crevice of your mind that your interpretation of your world is completely irrational....and yes, I see the seemingly irreconcilable nature of that. I am not going to throw clichés at you....you, me, and any other severe alcoholic/junkie are the reason for entire sections of mental health departments and a number of groups whose sole purpose if to assist in cleaning up. It's not easy; there are no elixirs….if it was easy, we would be cured. I don't find you hard to root for at all...quite the contrary. But somewhere in your constitution, you have to make the first move.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
There isn't any recovery program or rehab on earth that will "work for you" if you aren't willing to give it 100% effort. The only thing programs like AA or any rehab can do for you is show you tools that YOU can use to help yourself. Until you're willing to do the work (and it is work) it will be more of the same. You can do it. Many of us have. You can, too. Hugs to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
Hey sweetichick 
Wherever you go most people won't be trained counsellors and most people won't know the context behind the stories you share.
I had to learn it was ok if other people didn't understand...their lack of understanding was no reflection on me, and most importantly....I could deal with it without drinking.
The problem with going back to the bottle as a solution is - it's no solution.
You know that as well as I do.
Noones going to force you to go back to AA - but you have to find a way to choose that other path and not drink. I think you'll be amazed at what you'll find about yourself
D
Wherever you go most people won't be trained counsellors and most people won't know the context behind the stories you share.
I had to learn it was ok if other people didn't understand...their lack of understanding was no reflection on me, and most importantly....I could deal with it without drinking.
The problem with going back to the bottle as a solution is - it's no solution.
You know that as well as I do.
Noones going to force you to go back to AA - but you have to find a way to choose that other path and not drink. I think you'll be amazed at what you'll find about yourself
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
No one is going to be able validate what happened to you. Our journeys through life are very personal and while we can share our stories and emotions, I think that we need to recognize that what happened to us is just that.
And, no program will work 'for' you. You are the component that needs to do the work. The program itself is not as important as your motivation.
And, no program will work 'for' you. You are the component that needs to do the work. The program itself is not as important as your motivation.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
I quit without AA.
I also grew up with and have lived through enough trauma for several people.
I have relapsed plenty when I drink over the past or let my emotions rule.
Making the choice to leave the past behind and embrace the present, to get to a better future was a decision I could have always made.
I love sobriety, though it is some work getting sober and tending it daily.
You seem to be at a real crossroads sweeti--you can make the same decision to be sober and stick to it or you can let this disease take you down and finally kill you as it has so many.
Ultimately, that's the choice I had to make too. I was getting sicker every time I relapsed, and my mental state was deteriorating along with my body.
Comes a time when you can't get out of the negative spiral--that scared me because I could feel it coming.
Maybe you can feel it too?
Please stop this cycle of finding reasons to pick up and find reasons to take care of yourself and quit for good. You deserve so much more from your life than the horror of drinking and self-inflicted darkness.
Maybe go to the sea and enjoy the Spring breeze and let the past fly away into the wind.
Maybe think of 10 things you want to do this year sober--happy things--things that grow your heart and allow you to become your true self--the beautiful women behind the mask of addiction.
I see that woman--lots of us do--and that's who we are talking to here--
Let her out into the sunshine and put her on the path to a better life in recovery.
I also grew up with and have lived through enough trauma for several people.
I have relapsed plenty when I drink over the past or let my emotions rule.
Making the choice to leave the past behind and embrace the present, to get to a better future was a decision I could have always made.
I love sobriety, though it is some work getting sober and tending it daily.
You seem to be at a real crossroads sweeti--you can make the same decision to be sober and stick to it or you can let this disease take you down and finally kill you as it has so many.
Ultimately, that's the choice I had to make too. I was getting sicker every time I relapsed, and my mental state was deteriorating along with my body.
Comes a time when you can't get out of the negative spiral--that scared me because I could feel it coming.
Maybe you can feel it too?
Please stop this cycle of finding reasons to pick up and find reasons to take care of yourself and quit for good. You deserve so much more from your life than the horror of drinking and self-inflicted darkness.
Maybe go to the sea and enjoy the Spring breeze and let the past fly away into the wind.
Maybe think of 10 things you want to do this year sober--happy things--things that grow your heart and allow you to become your true self--the beautiful women behind the mask of addiction.
I see that woman--lots of us do--and that's who we are talking to here--
Let her out into the sunshine and put her on the path to a better life in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
You can certainly stop drinking without AA. This site is full of people who have done that. Key is you gotta stop drinking, no?
AA has some really great slogans.
One being "it works if you work it" Have you admitted you are powerless against alcohol? The only membership is a desire to stop drinking. Stopping the insanity requires the working of the steps. A sponsor. It's work.
The comforting part for me is to sit in a room full of people who have been as traumatised as I and they are living! It was humbling to learn my past is not all that special. I had to deal with it like others showed me possible and get on to living! It's a gift to be out of that pit.
AA is not for everyone. That's ok. It is however for millions of people worldwide. It has worked for a very long time. It's rather insulting to say it doesn't work for you when you are still drinking. That's not the program. There is another slogan that we have to learn to swallow..."poor me, poor me, pour me another drink". You are the poster child for that right now. You can change that...with or without AA...but *you have to do it. And you really, really can. You gotta put the bottle down and quit picking it up. "One day at a time" Another clichè that saved my life!
I believe you can do this, a lot of people who are very supportive to you here believe you can, can you possibly begin to? I really hope so.
Pick yourself up already, once and for all & get help as you truly are capable and entirely worthy.
Jules
AA has some really great slogans.
One being "it works if you work it" Have you admitted you are powerless against alcohol? The only membership is a desire to stop drinking. Stopping the insanity requires the working of the steps. A sponsor. It's work.
The comforting part for me is to sit in a room full of people who have been as traumatised as I and they are living! It was humbling to learn my past is not all that special. I had to deal with it like others showed me possible and get on to living! It's a gift to be out of that pit.
AA is not for everyone. That's ok. It is however for millions of people worldwide. It has worked for a very long time. It's rather insulting to say it doesn't work for you when you are still drinking. That's not the program. There is another slogan that we have to learn to swallow..."poor me, poor me, pour me another drink". You are the poster child for that right now. You can change that...with or without AA...but *you have to do it. And you really, really can. You gotta put the bottle down and quit picking it up. "One day at a time" Another clichè that saved my life!
I believe you can do this, a lot of people who are very supportive to you here believe you can, can you possibly begin to? I really hope so.
Pick yourself up already, once and for all & get help as you truly are capable and entirely worthy.
Jules
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
You say AA isn't working like it's a laxative or something. Only person who can't stop you from drinking is you. But you knew this and know this and just keep running back to the poison no matter how often your life shows you otherwise. Of all your posts I'm still struck by the one where you were concerned that your daughter was out there drinking and drugging. You mention your ex all the time and these other struggles, seems to be enough leverage for you to quit for her.
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