SimplyFree

I’ve been sober over 18 months, but I think I’m getting quirky. Well worse than my norm. Either I feel all wound up, I talk fast, am essentially over excited and it can appear a bit clownish. I work in a building full of people, am a high level manager, which means I spend a lot of time working through regulations related to our industry and auditing processes. So when I read this, I think of course I’m quirky, I spend my day in regs alone in a full building.....that’s weird. Which leads to the other side of the coin; depression. The older I get, the more I’m tempted to become a full blown hermit. I go home from work shaking my head, feeling like a stranger to myself. Not the end of the world, but weird.

Guener

Well, I think it's okay to be a bit, as you say, "quirky", at work. If you enjoy the work that you are doing, despite the time spent alone pouring over details, then why worry about that? Not everyone can do what you are doing the way that you seem dedicated to it, so that's a plus as long as you aren't manic about it.

I would ask yourself how much of your identity is wrapped up in your workplace activity, since once you leave it you are feeling down. Was your drinking primarily an end of the day ritual that you used to fill in that "dead" time after leaving the office? With a few rare exceptions I never drank during the day while on the clock, I was too wrapped up in what I was doing, and usually enjoying it, to think about it much. But at the end of my time being "me" I would reward my success or pour over my anxiety with alcohol. Weekends I was often just a mess, unless I was working, afraid of doing anything other than feeding my addiction. At work I saw myself empowered and outside of it pathetic. Workaholic and alcoholic drunk, until I was just the drunkard all the time.

Today I'm not that "superman" I thought that I was, nor am I lost in wispy thoughts of wishing I had another life off the clock. I spend a lot of happy time alone now, with occasional screaming heard from my AV in the background, but I'm not a dichotomous personality either. True enough, very early in my sobriety I fill a lot of my time with small activities, nothing too large, and a good amount of effort thinking about being a person shed of my old skin.

Perhaps you are ready to fill your away from work space with something new? Is it restlessness or something else? Now you can explore all sorts of things, while not drinking, that might make you feel like a more whole person.

SimplyFree

I’m sure it has to do with realizing who I am theses days. Same challenge as many others face here after stopping poisoning themselves. I’m good at what I do, it pays well; maybe I am just bored and restless. Silly things. Extremely glad to be sober!

Dee74

sometimes the other side of depression can be a little manic - is that what you mean SF?

Well done on 18 months though - congratulations

D

SimplyFree

Yeah, probably I am a bit manic on the flip side, though, I hadn’t ever really thought of it that way. I try not to assign myself too many psych terms.

DriGuy

Not sure how big a problem this new you is, but I enjoyed reading about it. Wrapped up in regulations all day, sounds redundant, and let's face it regulations don't always make sense. They remain nothing more than regulations, which at least one person in the firm is supposed to take seriously. That person possibly being you. Like saying one word over and over, something that once had meaning begins to become senseless. I'd get a little quirky.

You are forgiven.

You might want to switch to decaf, or at least take steps to stop frightening coworkers with sudden bouts of ecstasy. Keep in mind that nothing is ever as good as you think it is. All of us ultimately face doom, and it's just around the corner. Does that help?

SimplyFree

Yeah, I’m the guy who makes sure we stay in compliance, and I lead our quality team too. It’s like doing math homework for most people, they avoid it at all costs, but if you’re good at math you just do it and move on. No biggie. If we get audited by a government agency, all others run for their offices and “get busy”. I hold out my hand and say “welcome, how can I help you today.” I guess that takes the mystery out why I was drinking and why I needed to stop too! :-)