alwayscovering

I think SS is super depressed.

All this boy does is sleep. He was asleep by 530pm. He's never been one to stay up late even when he was little. 11pm is his max. But 530? Anyway he sleeps all day on weekends when he's not working. Also considering the situation we're in and him being a little more open about his dad's drinking. He has a lot of anger towards both of his bio parents.

AH said something about him always sleeping. I said I think he's depressed maybe he should see a counselor. AH is super against counseling. I should also mention that his mom is also super against therapy so she's no help. (I sometimes wonder if the reason they are both against therapy is because they don't want the kid to tell the therapist they are both mental cases)

I told him if for no other reason I think it is our duty as parents to get him therapy. He'll be 17 soon and then once he's an adult we can't make him. His excuse is the last time we did that we spent a lot of money on therapy for him to not talk to the therapist. I think there's no reason to be miserable if you don't have to be. I said maybe it wasn't the right therapist. I think that SS just doesn't talk because AH and his mom clam up unless they are angry.

SO my question is: I am the step parent, I really have no legal rights to do anything. BUT since I'm the one that usually manages appointments and what not Can I/Should I just make an executive decision to make him go? Right now he talks to me but I'm not a therapist. I don't want him to stop talking to me and I don't want to make him more miserable than he already is...I just think he needs help or meds or something.

What should I do?

trailmix

I think you hit the nail on the head there.

Personally? I would make that executive decision in conjunction with your SS. I would find out what would make him more comfortable sharing with a therapist. He obviously trusts you, perhaps you could offer to attend the first few sessions with him?

As his influence up until now has been parents who are both hugely against counselling, perhaps he could see the benefit if you were there and were able to help start the conversation?

I think it's a great idea though. The sleeping can well be a sign of depression and if nothing else he should see a GP if you can suggest that to him perhaps.

dandylion

alwayscovering...I would make the executive decision to get him help. I agree with you, that it is a parental responsibility to get him help....in fact, I think that it falls under neglect, not to do so (his dad)……
Similar to what Trailmix suggested, I would gently talk to him about your concerns of him being so sleepy, and ask if something is bothering him....and volunteer to go with him...and wait in the waiting room...unless the therapist and he would like you to come in.....
Maybe, spending some extra time. with him, outside of the house, would warm him up to sharing with you....even inviting him to go grocery shopping, or to do errands...or going for ice cream or to a movie of his choice, etc....

Another point, that us often overlooked, is the possibility of a physical reason for the tiredness....like anemia, mono, Lyme disease, etc....the potential list is long.....
This could be a good reason to get him to a family doctor...and, the doctor could also address the sleeping/tiredness, also....I think you would need to clue the doctor in about the symptoms, because he might not mention the extent of it...

Maudcat

Agree that a doctor’s visit to make the sleepiness isn’t a physical issue. Also, don’t know what your relationship with doc is, but you could maybe mention your concerns. He or she may have insights.
Surely bio parents wouldn’t object to a physical to rule out other conditions?

alwayscovering

He sees our primary care. I'll talk to the doc before I take SS to see him. Maybe he can help.
Thanks y'all I appreciate the input. I'll get on the portal and make him an appt.

hopeful4

What does he think? I would have a very real conversation with him about your concerns and see what he says. Definitely a dr visit is in order. A child that old has to decide to participate in therapy on their own, or buy into being willing to try it.

You are a great step momma, good work!

PuzzledHeart

IF the fatigue is the result of iron deficiency, ask for an iron deficiency test. The normal blood screen ain't going to cut it. #askmehowIknow

alwayscovering

Thanks. I will ask the doctor about iron deficiency. I didn't think of that. I don't eat cow so I don't buy it. It makes my iron on the low end of the ideal range but I'm not anemic but that doesn't mean his body is the same way.

I just made the appointment for a physical and I already sent the doctor an email with my concerns. I told AH I was taking kid to the doctor and whatever the doc recommended is what we will do and everyone else can eff off. I cannot watch my kids suffer. If he needs meds then he will get them. If he needs therapy we'll do it. If it turns out he needs more red meat we'll do that too.

Leelee168

One additional thought to all the great suggestions above — does your school have a school psychologist? Where I live there is one in each building and they work with students one-on-one for emotional concerns as well as learning strategies. Most school psychologists are also licensed as counselors, so that may be a way to get your SS in to talk with someone.

alwayscovering

I'm sure they do. I have not approached the school counselor. I have privacy concerns. Legally, if asked the school could (and should) release info to SS's mom. I feel she should know IF he wants her too.

Mango212

Hi AC, has there been any progress with this?

Sending wishes for happy holidays!

alwayscovering

Thanks for asking mango...he's super pissy because he has to go and has been very resistant but the therapist is aware and is trying to work around it.

I'm sure my SS will have lots to complain about because his English teacher called and told me he failed his class for the marking period. So no car and I'm going to have a very lovely smartphone/paperweight. He's been warned multiple times about not doing his work. He'll get a 10.00 trac phone and I'm taking everything else.