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New to the Forum
I'm just checking out the forum. I haven't had a drink for somewhere around 25 years. I stopped keeping track. I could nail it down exactly if I wanted to take the time, but it doesn't seem that important. I was thinking about sobriety this morning, which is something I don't often do anymore. I just felt like talking to others who are going through recovery.
I originally stopped drinking by attending AA meetings where I found the support I needed to get me over the hump. I couldn't imagine giving up alcohol completely, which of course is what AA is all about, and I soon recognized that was going to be essential in my case. I don't follow all the AA rules, never accepted the program in its entirety, but there were a few helpful things that I accepted as necessary for me. In a nutshell, I can broadly sum it up as, "Don't drink."
This was not that difficult once I committed to it, and oddly, I never had another drink after my first meeting. Sure there were some "white knuckle" days/weeks and a few surprising cravings that I had to deal with long into the program. But there was always that next meeting each evening. Eventually, I knew I didn't need AA anymore, but AA became a source of socializing, until about 10 years ago when I just quit going.
I don't want to drink anymore. There's just nothing there pulling me back. I have been around people drinking in recent years, but I don't participate and people seem to be OK with that. Only once years ago, a woman who knew I was recovering passed me her drink to hold while she had something else to take care of, and casually said, "You can have some of that if you want."
I don't know what she was thinking. Testing me? Taunting me? I was mildly offended, and put the drink on a table and walked away from it, wondering what her motivation was behind that gesture.
A year into recovery, I was at some one's house for dinner, where they were having wine. The hostess casually asked me if I was still not drinking as she held up the bottle in case I wanted to have some wine. That one spooked me, because I had this odd thought. Not having been drunk for a year, I felt normal (as one tends to feel when they aren't drunk), and it occurred to me that I could have a normal drink like a normal person, because I felt so, well... "normal. " That thought sent chills down my spine, because I recognized this as a point where I could throw it all away, and so easily get back on the merry-go-round in a moment of thoughtless decision making.
I reminded myself that not drinking was a decision I would have to make for the rest of my life whenever such an opportunity presented itself. I don't spook anymore. It doesn't even feel like I have to make a decision. I'm just a guy that doesn't drink, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I’m not sure why I’m here, but to get to the point… “Hello.”
I originally stopped drinking by attending AA meetings where I found the support I needed to get me over the hump. I couldn't imagine giving up alcohol completely, which of course is what AA is all about, and I soon recognized that was going to be essential in my case. I don't follow all the AA rules, never accepted the program in its entirety, but there were a few helpful things that I accepted as necessary for me. In a nutshell, I can broadly sum it up as, "Don't drink."
This was not that difficult once I committed to it, and oddly, I never had another drink after my first meeting. Sure there were some "white knuckle" days/weeks and a few surprising cravings that I had to deal with long into the program. But there was always that next meeting each evening. Eventually, I knew I didn't need AA anymore, but AA became a source of socializing, until about 10 years ago when I just quit going.
I don't want to drink anymore. There's just nothing there pulling me back. I have been around people drinking in recent years, but I don't participate and people seem to be OK with that. Only once years ago, a woman who knew I was recovering passed me her drink to hold while she had something else to take care of, and casually said, "You can have some of that if you want."
I don't know what she was thinking. Testing me? Taunting me? I was mildly offended, and put the drink on a table and walked away from it, wondering what her motivation was behind that gesture.
A year into recovery, I was at some one's house for dinner, where they were having wine. The hostess casually asked me if I was still not drinking as she held up the bottle in case I wanted to have some wine. That one spooked me, because I had this odd thought. Not having been drunk for a year, I felt normal (as one tends to feel when they aren't drunk), and it occurred to me that I could have a normal drink like a normal person, because I felt so, well... "normal. " That thought sent chills down my spine, because I recognized this as a point where I could throw it all away, and so easily get back on the merry-go-round in a moment of thoughtless decision making.
I reminded myself that not drinking was a decision I would have to make for the rest of my life whenever such an opportunity presented itself. I don't spook anymore. It doesn't even feel like I have to make a decision. I'm just a guy that doesn't drink, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I’m not sure why I’m here, but to get to the point… “Hello.”
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I love dogs too. I stopped a woman on the street yesterday who was walking with what I suspected was one of those new "doodle" varieties. Indeed, it was a labradoodle, a honey colored one, and it was as loving as the breeds it comes from.
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Thanks for the welcomes. I don't feel as though I have a lot of advice to give. Sobriety is such a personal issue that recovery is something that differs for each of us. I don't think there is just one way to do it, except for the not drinking part of course, but that's almost a no-brainer.
I did a lot of processing before I quit, as everyone must, I suppose. It's not like one day you just quit, although I hear some people do. It wasn't that easy for me. But it feels that way now.
I did a lot of processing before I quit, as everyone must, I suppose. It's not like one day you just quit, although I hear some people do. It wasn't that easy for me. But it feels that way now.
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Welcome driguy and congrats on 25 years.
Sometimes people get me to hold their drinks too, or want me to taste them 'cos they're yummy'...
I just figure if you've never been an alcoholic it's hard to know or understand the mindset?
D
Sometimes people get me to hold their drinks too, or want me to taste them 'cos they're yummy'...
I just figure if you've never been an alcoholic it's hard to know or understand the mindset?
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74 
Sometimes people get me to hold their drinks too, or want me to taste them 'cos they're yummy'...
I just figure if you've never been an alcoholic it's hard to know or understand the mindset?
D
I just figure if you've never been an alcoholic it's hard to know or understand the mindset?
D
In this instance, it may have been a case of her not understanding the mindset of an alcoholic in recovery. More likely she was probably just curious to see how I would react.
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Nice post Driguy!
I think you are a great addition to the family .
Living proof it gets easier, it’s worth it, and definitely can be done.
I look forward to your posts.
There’s a really lot of different threads hear from people who love plants, to word games, two morning and evening gratitude , the lighter side (jokes and funnies) music, secular, anything. Jump right in.
FYI, if you are on an iPhone in United States, the desktop version is difficult to get and the standard view is absolutely horrible. In order to get to the desktop version you need to go to the top right of your screen where that circular arrow refresh button is there . You press, and hold it and then down below it says ‘desktop version ‘ and you press that bar.
Hope that helps.
I think you are a great addition to the family .
Living proof it gets easier, it’s worth it, and definitely can be done.
I look forward to your posts.
There’s a really lot of different threads hear from people who love plants, to word games, two morning and evening gratitude , the lighter side (jokes and funnies) music, secular, anything. Jump right in.
FYI, if you are on an iPhone in United States, the desktop version is difficult to get and the standard view is absolutely horrible. In order to get to the desktop version you need to go to the top right of your screen where that circular arrow refresh button is there . You press, and hold it and then down below it says ‘desktop version ‘ and you press that bar.
Hope that helps.
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Hi Driguy. Welcome to this forum. I hope you will stick around. You are inspiring!
Why oh why do people do that? When they know you no longer drink then offer you a drink. Like “oh, you must have just a taste.” If I tell people I’m a vegetarian, no one would say “please have a taste of this steak.” No one offers just a taste of their soda or coffee, or anything except alcohol. I think people either don’t understand, or they are fishing to see what reasons you give for declining “just a taste” or maybe they hope someone will drink with them so they don’t feel alone in their drinking. Interesting that I do find more problem drinkers are the ones to behave this way. Maybe they are questioning their own drinking patterns.
Glad you are here.
Why oh why do people do that? When they know you no longer drink then offer you a drink. Like “oh, you must have just a taste.” If I tell people I’m a vegetarian, no one would say “please have a taste of this steak.” No one offers just a taste of their soda or coffee, or anything except alcohol. I think people either don’t understand, or they are fishing to see what reasons you give for declining “just a taste” or maybe they hope someone will drink with them so they don’t feel alone in their drinking. Interesting that I do find more problem drinkers are the ones to behave this way. Maybe they are questioning their own drinking patterns.
Glad you are here.
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Originally Posted by Bonniefloyd
Thanks for posting. I am on day 3, and I love hearing success stories. It’s just reassuring to know that it can be done. And 25 years! That is amazing.
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If there is one common trait in those that have found lasting sobriety, it's humility. And you have tons of it Driguy. You say you don't know why you are here? Look at the "thanks" to your post.
Advice is nice to hear but your experience is the proof that there is hope for lasting sobriety. It's what we really need to hear.
Thank you for taking the time to sign up and share your story. You are an inspiration to more than you "humbly" acknowledge.
Advice is nice to hear but your experience is the proof that there is hope for lasting sobriety. It's what we really need to hear.
Thank you for taking the time to sign up and share your story. You are an inspiration to more than you "humbly" acknowledge.
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I used to think about my sobriety several times a day, everyday, which was probably a lot better than thinking about drinking everyday. But the two behaviors are closely related. You can't think about one without thinking about the other. They are the two sides of the same coin. Obsessing on how much better it is to be sober, poses the question, "Better than what?" Well, better than inebriation, of course. And then you begin recalling all those nights of drinking yourself to sleep or slurring your words in embarrassing bar conversations that seemed so insightful at the time but were unquestionably stupid in retrospect.
One thing about AA meetings or any manner of recovery, I wondered about is how good is it for you to think about drinking (or not drinking) so much of the time. However, I think it's probably unavoidable in recovery. Early on you need to be vigilant all the time, aware of your cravings, thinking about how you plan to respond to them, and what you are going to do about the upcoming party where alcohol will be used. I did notice with some surprise after 5 or 10 years of sobriety, that sometimes I would go for several days without alcohol crossing my mind. And those periods started lasting longer with time, sometimes for a whole months.
And I think this is the way it should be. For as much alcohol as humans consume, and the way it pervades every aspect of society. It's really not as important as I once thought. In fact, it's not required to make life fulfilling at all, not one itty bitty bit. Another thing I'm now aware of is that society also contains a subset of non-drinkers which is positively huge. These are people who don't think or wonder about alcohol. They just go about driving their cars, visiting friends, and getting involved in things they enjoy, without ever seeming to think about having a drink. That's my definition of "normal" today, and I do like to think of myself as normal in some ways.
One thing about AA meetings or any manner of recovery, I wondered about is how good is it for you to think about drinking (or not drinking) so much of the time. However, I think it's probably unavoidable in recovery. Early on you need to be vigilant all the time, aware of your cravings, thinking about how you plan to respond to them, and what you are going to do about the upcoming party where alcohol will be used. I did notice with some surprise after 5 or 10 years of sobriety, that sometimes I would go for several days without alcohol crossing my mind. And those periods started lasting longer with time, sometimes for a whole months.
And I think this is the way it should be. For as much alcohol as humans consume, and the way it pervades every aspect of society. It's really not as important as I once thought. In fact, it's not required to make life fulfilling at all, not one itty bitty bit. Another thing I'm now aware of is that society also contains a subset of non-drinkers which is positively huge. These are people who don't think or wonder about alcohol. They just go about driving their cars, visiting friends, and getting involved in things they enjoy, without ever seeming to think about having a drink. That's my definition of "normal" today, and I do like to think of myself as normal in some ways.
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OK, I sat down and did some calculations. I'm pretty sure I have 23 years. It might be 24. About 6 or 7 years ago, I connected with a guy that entered AA just a couple of months after I did. We were siting around a campfire with a bunch of other AA guys from the past and were talking about sobriety where I mentioned that I had lost track of how long it had been since my last drink, and the guy I hadn't seen for years said without hesitation, "You have 17." Or maybe he said 18. I can't remember what it was, but we all laughed because a guy I hadn't seen for such a long time knew right away, when I didn't. My attendance at meetings had become so sporadic that I was no longer collecting those chips.
I spent a year in a small fishing village in Alaska (Petersburg), and I started going to meetings again because I didn't know anyone and just needed some human contact. They had a system that was a little different than what I was familiar with. When they handed out chips, you were supposed to turn in your last chip. I was reluctant to do this, so I never announced my birthday, and never got updated, and never collected another chip after that.
About 5 years after getting sober, I became friends with one of the new guys in the program. At those meetings, we had the custom of one person announcing the birthday of a close friend and giving him a chip that was passed to us by the person in charge of chips. This was all done on what we called Birthday Friday once a month, where everyone that made it another year would all get their chips on the same night during a bunch of announcements, speeches, and general fal-der-rhal, followed by cake and coffee. Instead of giving my friend a chip from the chip box, I had brought my own one year chip and gave him mine, which I thought was more personal.
Meetings and forums like this one, are not just about our struggles, but also our successes, and include celebration and companionship. I enjoyed giving my own chip to my friend, and hoped it would be more meaningful, although it was a slight break from tradition. No one seemed to object.
I spent a year in a small fishing village in Alaska (Petersburg), and I started going to meetings again because I didn't know anyone and just needed some human contact. They had a system that was a little different than what I was familiar with. When they handed out chips, you were supposed to turn in your last chip. I was reluctant to do this, so I never announced my birthday, and never got updated, and never collected another chip after that.
About 5 years after getting sober, I became friends with one of the new guys in the program. At those meetings, we had the custom of one person announcing the birthday of a close friend and giving him a chip that was passed to us by the person in charge of chips. This was all done on what we called Birthday Friday once a month, where everyone that made it another year would all get their chips on the same night during a bunch of announcements, speeches, and general fal-der-rhal, followed by cake and coffee. Instead of giving my friend a chip from the chip box, I had brought my own one year chip and gave him mine, which I thought was more personal.
Meetings and forums like this one, are not just about our struggles, but also our successes, and include celebration and companionship. I enjoyed giving my own chip to my friend, and hoped it would be more meaningful, although it was a slight break from tradition. No one seemed to object.
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