Do I have options?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 41
Do I have options?
I've posted here before but it's been quite a while. Where things stand now is that I fear my husband will accidentally burn our house down. He's had 2 previous incidents where the fire department was called, but those 2 times were in an apartment setting, and others heard the smoke detectors. Just last night he left the oven on after making food, then passed out before turning it off. Because I was home, I turned it off.
I suppose one option is to file for legal separation/divorce to actually get him out of the house, but I don't know if that is my only one.
Do I have any other options? So far I've thought of checking on him myself, but if I'm not there it's because I'm at work, and it's not close enough to do this conveniently. I could get a team of family/friends/neighbors to do intermittent checks...but obviously that's a lot to ask. Will police officers do a check like this if I called to ask? Or maybe a device that alerts me somehow? It's not a new oven though, so there aren't any "smart" features.
I'm finally at a place where if he drives or disappears for a night, I can handle it. But I'm having major anxiety about my house burning down.
I suppose one option is to file for legal separation/divorce to actually get him out of the house, but I don't know if that is my only one.
Do I have any other options? So far I've thought of checking on him myself, but if I'm not there it's because I'm at work, and it's not close enough to do this conveniently. I could get a team of family/friends/neighbors to do intermittent checks...but obviously that's a lot to ask. Will police officers do a check like this if I called to ask? Or maybe a device that alerts me somehow? It's not a new oven though, so there aren't any "smart" features.
I'm finally at a place where if he drives or disappears for a night, I can handle it. But I'm having major anxiety about my house burning down.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Surviving…..is the kitchen....the stove....the only main concern....does he smoke?
If so, I would have the stove removed and use only a microwave for cooking. It can be done, if necessary. It can be done, in one day....
Another might be to have a sprinkler system installed in that part of the house....but, I imagine that m ight be expensive...might have to take a loan...
If so, I would have the stove removed and use only a microwave for cooking. It can be done, if necessary. It can be done, in one day....
Another might be to have a sprinkler system installed in that part of the house....but, I imagine that m ight be expensive...might have to take a loan...
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh gosh. This is bad. You need to speak to an attorney.
After you file for divorce or separation, there is something that you can also file that gives you exclusive rights to the house (meaning the other party has to go). It depends very much on where you live if you will get that or not. I know here, you only get it under the most dire of situations. One county over, it's no problem.
Most attorneys will give a free consult, go get one!
After you file for divorce or separation, there is something that you can also file that gives you exclusive rights to the house (meaning the other party has to go). It depends very much on where you live if you will get that or not. I know here, you only get it under the most dire of situations. One county over, it's no problem.
Most attorneys will give a free consult, go get one!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
You can unplug the stove. If that's not workable (in that he might be on to that), I would have an electrician come in and disable the stove plug (alternately you could have someone remove the actual cord from the stove).
Another idea, if you have a garage or storage area, is to move the stove there. You may already know that stoves have specific plugs so he can't just plug it in any old place.
What a terrible worry for you.
Personally I would unplug that puppy and chop off the plug at the end of the cord, but hey, that's me (or have a lock box put over the plug or cord plug end). Lots of options!
Another idea, if you have a garage or storage area, is to move the stove there. You may already know that stoves have specific plugs so he can't just plug it in any old place.
What a terrible worry for you.
Personally I would unplug that puppy and chop off the plug at the end of the cord, but hey, that's me (or have a lock box put over the plug or cord plug end). Lots of options!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 160
How coordinated is he when he is drunk? They have child locks for appliances....
I'd double check your homeowners insurance policy to make sure you're well covered.
Also they make fire-safe lock boxes that you could store any valuables in.
I'd double check your homeowners insurance policy to make sure you're well covered.
Also they make fire-safe lock boxes that you could store any valuables in.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Surviving…..is the kitchen....the stove....the only main concern....does he smoke?
If so, I would have the stove removed and use only a microwave for cooking. It can be done, if necessary. It can be done, in one day....
Another might be to have a sprinkler system installed in that part of the house....but, I imagine that m ight be expensive...might have to take a loan...
If so, I would have the stove removed and use only a microwave for cooking. It can be done, if necessary. It can be done, in one day....
Another might be to have a sprinkler system installed in that part of the house....but, I imagine that m ight be expensive...might have to take a loan...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by trailmix
You can unplug the stove. If that's not workable (in that he might be on to that), I would have an electrician come in and disable the stove plug (alternately you could have someone remove the actual cord from the stove).
Another idea, if you have a garage or storage area, is to move the stove there. You may already know that stoves have specific plugs so he can't just plug it in any old place.
What a terrible worry for you.
Personally I would unplug that puppy and chop off the plug at the end of the cord, but hey, that's me (or have a lock box put over the plug or cord plug end). Lots of options!
Another idea, if you have a garage or storage area, is to move the stove there. You may already know that stoves have specific plugs so he can't just plug it in any old place.
What a terrible worry for you.
Personally I would unplug that puppy and chop off the plug at the end of the cord, but hey, that's me (or have a lock box put over the plug or cord plug end). Lots of options!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by AutumnMama
How coordinated is he when he is drunk? They have child locks for appliances....
I'd double check your homeowners insurance policy to make sure you're well covered.
Also they make fire-safe lock boxes that you could store any valuables in.
I'd double check your homeowners insurance policy to make sure you're well covered.
Also they make fire-safe lock boxes that you could store any valuables in.
It's not so much any valuables, it's more just...everything--clothes, shoes, kitchen things, furniture, ect. And not wanting to wind up homeless to boot.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Surviving…...which do you love the most.....your intact house or the stove....?
It is possible to cook most things in a microwave....or a crockpot.....if you really have to....
Another option is to keep a small hotplate in the trunk of your own car...to pull out to cook on for special occasions....
Living with a practicing alcoholic usually requires some adjustments....it ain't always convenient.....and, a lot of times, it is a walk through the fires (no pun intended) of hell.
It is possible to cook most things in a microwave....or a crockpot.....if you really have to....
Another option is to keep a small hotplate in the trunk of your own car...to pull out to cook on for special occasions....
Living with a practicing alcoholic usually requires some adjustments....it ain't always convenient.....and, a lot of times, it is a walk through the fires (no pun intended) of hell.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
What dandylion said is really the bottom line. I use my stove every day but if I had someone in the house that was not to be trusted with it (be that dementia or alcoholism) it would be out in a flash and a nice table and microwave in it's place.
Aside from burning your house down (which is a horrible thought), he might just kill himself. That alone is a reason to disable it, I think.
My Sister used a microwave alone (no stove) for about 4-5 years, she became a microwave master. It's amazing what they can do (besides popcorn and frozen food/warming coffee).
Aside from burning your house down (which is a horrible thought), he might just kill himself. That alone is a reason to disable it, I think.
My Sister used a microwave alone (no stove) for about 4-5 years, she became a microwave master. It's amazing what they can do (besides popcorn and frozen food/warming coffee).
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Surviving…...here is a link to a website that might be of use to you....it is arranged by state.
It gives useful information and can help you to organize you thoughts/questions that you might have when you talk to a lawyer.....
www.womansdivorce.com
It gives useful information and can help you to organize you thoughts/questions that you might have when you talk to a lawyer.....
www.womansdivorce.com
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 41
I had an idea; perhaps I can turn it off from the breaker box, and get a lock and key to the box so he can't access it when drunk. I'll just shut it off any time I'm not at home. We'll see if that works...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
Originally Posted by Surviving2016
I had an idea; perhaps I can turn it off from the breaker box, and get a lock and key to the box so he can't access it when drunk. I'll just shut it off any time I'm not at home. We'll see if that works...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
How about the fuse box - could you either turn off the breaker or physically remove the fuse (and take it with you) so the stove doesn't work? The effort of going to a hardware store to buy another fuse is probably more than he's capable of.
I'm wondering if resources for people caring for a person with Alzheimer's or other dementia might have some useful tips for altering the home so they don't endanger themselves.
I'm wondering if resources for people caring for a person with Alzheimer's or other dementia might have some useful tips for altering the home so they don't endanger themselves.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Talking with a lawyer to explore some of your options is a great idea. Reaching out to your local domestic violence help center is also a good, healthy action. The circumstances you're living in sound very dangerous. Emotional and psychological abuse are every bit as serious as physical abuse.
Prayer tends to help in all situations. "Help!" and "Thank you!" can be very direct prayers. Then to be willing to take action as opportunities are presented to us.
New actions create new situations. This can become actions of good, of reaching out, of leaving home or having someone who is dangerous leave.
Prayer tends to help in all situations. "Help!" and "Thank you!" can be very direct prayers. Then to be willing to take action as opportunities are presented to us.
New actions create new situations. This can become actions of good, of reaching out, of leaving home or having someone who is dangerous leave.
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