Working from the inside out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Working from the inside out
hello all,
i haven’t posted much on here, been lurking for quite some time. Still struggling, as are quite a few. I’m working on it. I switched jobs to one with significantly less stress in hopes that I would just magically not drink as much, it’s helped, but not as much as I had hoped. My biggest struggle is taking things out on myself, beating myself up over things, ect. My form of self punishment seems to be drinking. Stopping for the right reasons means I need to be selfish. I’m generally a very generous person, I get hurt and let down by people all the time, every time I do I turn to drinking. I’ve tried just taking care of myself, but then I feel bad about being selfish, again turn to drinking. Pretty much have myself figured out, just haven’t figured out how to deal with it. I can just about predict people’s responses to my actions, sober or not, and that is something that I have a hard time with. I think maybe I just want someone to put the same effort into me that I put into them, so maybe I am a little selfish? I put my family first, and my close circle of friends before I take my needs into account, and then when I’m working on my stuff it’s very lonely. Hard to put feelings in writing. I guess I think I need to stick to some personal boundaries, and I need to put some in place and stick to them. I think I need to learn what love actually means, because I feel like it’s different when I say it versus when people tell me the same thing. I guess sobering up means loneliness, something that I hate more than drinking. I get very walled up, and I feel like a complete idiot when I tell someone that they hurt my feelings, something that has gotten beat into my head, I am weak if someone hurts me. Some big sappy guy, feel very unappreciated by all but a select handful of people, but am easily hurt by the people closest to me. These people mean well, but the selfishness that comes out when **** hits the fan is something that I have a very hard time with. I still think of others when I’m as down and out as I can get, other people turn their back on me. I don’t need constant coddling or anything, it would just be nice if someone cared for me like I do for them.
So for for me to make a plan, I need to learn how to address my hurt feelings in a constructive way, need to quit beating up on myself, starting to think about seeing a shrink. I’m on antidepressants, which have helped tremendously, but it has also taught me that I need to address my past hurts, and I am not sure where to start with that.
sorry for the long post, I’m sure it’s tough to follow, just nice to get a few things off of my chest
i haven’t posted much on here, been lurking for quite some time. Still struggling, as are quite a few. I’m working on it. I switched jobs to one with significantly less stress in hopes that I would just magically not drink as much, it’s helped, but not as much as I had hoped. My biggest struggle is taking things out on myself, beating myself up over things, ect. My form of self punishment seems to be drinking. Stopping for the right reasons means I need to be selfish. I’m generally a very generous person, I get hurt and let down by people all the time, every time I do I turn to drinking. I’ve tried just taking care of myself, but then I feel bad about being selfish, again turn to drinking. Pretty much have myself figured out, just haven’t figured out how to deal with it. I can just about predict people’s responses to my actions, sober or not, and that is something that I have a hard time with. I think maybe I just want someone to put the same effort into me that I put into them, so maybe I am a little selfish? I put my family first, and my close circle of friends before I take my needs into account, and then when I’m working on my stuff it’s very lonely. Hard to put feelings in writing. I guess I think I need to stick to some personal boundaries, and I need to put some in place and stick to them. I think I need to learn what love actually means, because I feel like it’s different when I say it versus when people tell me the same thing. I guess sobering up means loneliness, something that I hate more than drinking. I get very walled up, and I feel like a complete idiot when I tell someone that they hurt my feelings, something that has gotten beat into my head, I am weak if someone hurts me. Some big sappy guy, feel very unappreciated by all but a select handful of people, but am easily hurt by the people closest to me. These people mean well, but the selfishness that comes out when **** hits the fan is something that I have a very hard time with. I still think of others when I’m as down and out as I can get, other people turn their back on me. I don’t need constant coddling or anything, it would just be nice if someone cared for me like I do for them.
So for for me to make a plan, I need to learn how to address my hurt feelings in a constructive way, need to quit beating up on myself, starting to think about seeing a shrink. I’m on antidepressants, which have helped tremendously, but it has also taught me that I need to address my past hurts, and I am not sure where to start with that.
sorry for the long post, I’m sure it’s tough to follow, just nice to get a few things off of my chest
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,463
I think journaling can help you to deal with past issues. I do think it's important to deal with the underlying issues that are involved with alcoholism. You could also consider talking to a therapist.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Squir,
I think you wrote that you take anti d.s and drink?
That is a path nobody walks and survives unscathed. The brain damage is worse than drinking alone....as is the recovery.
It has taken years of knowledgeable suffering to get this clean and I still suffer daily.
Today, I had a big buffet breakfast and the rush of sodium and sugar had me on a pretty scary ride. Anxiety and spatial disorientation. Sort of like a high without the euphoria.
The cool thing is, these problems are getting less and less. When I was drinking, they were going the other way.
The only way out is to stop drinking. If you need the meds, take them. But mixing booze with them is insanity causing action.
Until you stop drinking for a good long time...6 months or so, you will not be able to see the damage you have done. If you manage to stop for a while, but keep upping/changing the meds, you are still not going to find peace.
That isn't me talking, that is sr talking.
Thanks.
I think you wrote that you take anti d.s and drink?
That is a path nobody walks and survives unscathed. The brain damage is worse than drinking alone....as is the recovery.
It has taken years of knowledgeable suffering to get this clean and I still suffer daily.
Today, I had a big buffet breakfast and the rush of sodium and sugar had me on a pretty scary ride. Anxiety and spatial disorientation. Sort of like a high without the euphoria.
The cool thing is, these problems are getting less and less. When I was drinking, they were going the other way.
The only way out is to stop drinking. If you need the meds, take them. But mixing booze with them is insanity causing action.
Until you stop drinking for a good long time...6 months or so, you will not be able to see the damage you have done. If you manage to stop for a while, but keep upping/changing the meds, you are still not going to find peace.
That isn't me talking, that is sr talking.
Thanks.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
