alwayscovering

So AH was a raging a-hole to the kids while I was at work(he was drinking of course). SS bless his heart took care of my bio until I got home. I told him I was sorry I didnt mean to leave them alone with him but I had to get some hours since I'm not working my full time job anymore. He said "I really got screwed over on both my bio parents but at least I have you. I moved here not because I wanted to live with my dad but because you make sure I get what I need" so now I'm in the bathroom bawling my eyes out. I wish he'd let me take him to alateen or counseling. He says hes accepted that AH probably wont stop until the dr tells him he needs a new liver and that itll probably be too late. Hes such a sweet touch kid and idk how to help him.

dandylion

alwayscovering, I do have some thoughts that I would share.....except, you say that you are not looking for anything.....

FeelingGreat

SS sounds like a wonderful kid, and he's very lucky to have you. Hope you don't have to put up with this for too much longer.

hopeful4

He does sound like a wonderful kid. He also sounds pretty wise as his prediction sounds spot on.

I am sorry.

alwayscovering

Thank you I just needed to express it somewhere. He is a good kid. He drives me crazy but hes 16. I remember being 16 thinking I knew everything, that I could make it on my own.

hopeful4

Oh yes! I have a 19 year old that thinks she could run the world LOL!

LifeRecovery

Always-

I have a non-biological "bonus" kid that lives with me.

He is currently 20, but has lived with me since 16, most of the time with his mom; now his mom moved home but he decided to stay with me.

He has commented to me more than once that the lack of drama in my life and the structure that is my life is comforting to him. I feel at times like I am nagging......it bothers him not at all. It has taken me a while to realize that I had plenty of structure growing up and that at that age I was pushing against it. He is just the opposite, he craves it.

My biggest "advice," is that I was scared to talk to him about some of his childhood stuff because it was not my own. Now I realize that it is part of what I can give him. Consistency, care with words and actions and not taking his stuff personally. Talking has let me see his world better. My recovery is helping to ground him.

It sounds like you are lucky to have each other. That is how I feel in my scenario.

SmallButMighty

You have been helping him. You are a constant source of support he can count on, he lacks that in his biological parents. He sees your value, and he as a 16years old young man, actually said those words out loud. Amazing.

You are blessed to have each other.

The only thing you have to do, is keep on keeping on. You are going to get there. And your boys are going to get there with you.

*hugs*

trailmix

I know you just wanted to vent, so please ignore my post if you like, but I do have an observation for what it's worth to you.

You know that whole thing about "signs" from the universe - teaching moments if you will.

Well I don't know about all that but what I do know is this 16 year old is showing you your child in X number of years.

He is standing in front of you TELLING you how this has all affected him, his despondency about his Dad. What 16 year old should have to worry about his Dad dying early from a failed liver due to drinking?

He is also abusive. The 16 year old had to protect your child from abuse.

16 is still young, he is not an adult and this is not really fair on him. He shouldn't have to be a pseudo parent.

What if this was your babysitter? Your other relative? Would that be ok? I sincerely doubt it. I think sometimes we can become immune to what is right in front of us, especially after years of abuse.