Hardinge

It's been a little past 2 weeks for me since I had a drink. This has always proven to be my troublesome time when I've tried to stop drinking before. But I never knew why.

A couple of days ago I had a revelation.

For whatever reason I can be obsessive about things which occurred long in the past. A few days ago I found myself constantly dwelling on them and feeling significant resentment and anxiety about them.

I was sitting here wondering why, and suddenly I remembered that I've not been drinking. As soon as I made the connection. I was able to push all of those irrational, intrusive thoughts out of my mind, for the most part.

It may not sound like much. But for me it was a big discovery. I've always been a functional alcoholic who worked his days away and drank away the nights and I could never understand why I felt the need to drink.

Now, I think I've found the glitch in my brain which has always made me reach for the bottle.

Just being able to recognize it for what it is, is a powerful tool to keep me from drinking. I now know that all of those thoughts, resentments, and resulting anxiety have no real basis in my current life. They're just a remnant of how my life's experiences have wired my thought processes.

Now, instead of numbing myself to them with alcohol, I can just set those thoughts aside. I detach myself from them by storing them inside the part of my mind where the irrational resides.

The rational part of my mind can stop drinking.

MantaLady

I wouldn’t necessarily class this as OCD. Speaking for myself and most of the other addicts I have met especially in rehab one thing we all had in common was an inability to let things go, hold onto resentment and anger and dwell on the past. It’s part of the condition. Mindfulness has helped me a lot in this regard and also using tools like ABC’s to retrain my brain to think and react a different way. xx

Hardinge

Thanks for the insight. I guess I'm just behind the curve on what to expect.

,....and the message in your avatar is very appropriate to me, Manta Lady.

entropy1964

I totally relate to this and for me there most definitely is an OCD component to my addiction. Obsess with the substance, compulse with its use. So yes, no doubt, obsessive thinking is , in part, obsession substitution.

My brother has very serious OCD. I mean, like unbelievably so. Completely debilitating. And obsessive thinking, regretting, fear of failing, beating himself up for past failures....and on and on is a huge part of his condition and it keeps him literally from being able to make the most simple decisions. Like what to have for lunch is full of potential pitfalls. Its so sad.

AA has taught me a lot about how NOT to obsessively think. Letting things go, living in the moment. Making amends where I can, moving on from what I can't. Its really hard. I've done some pretty shlitty stuff while drunk. It takes time to forgive myself.

Hardinge

Frickaflip, for me, I think there's validity in what both you and MantaLady has said. Some of my current bad thinking undoubtedly is connected to stopping drinking. But there's an obsessive nature to a lot of it that I believe is one major reason why I started abusing alcohol in the first place,...especially the drinking that I've done since my mid 30's. That's when my drinking really became a problem.

Dee74

I'm wary of using the term OCD because I know folks here who have been professionally diagnosed with that - I just tend to the obsessive and the stubborn

The day I learned it was ok to be that way and I didn't have to try and self medicate myself out of that was a real turning point for me

D