Children
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Children
I know that I had posted previously about children. It was mostly to help the poster and to not push them away because then we aren't helping at all. When I started posted on a different forum then this one, I had no idea of how my actions were affecting my children. It was the people that took the time out to just talk to me that helped me to understand that I was in an abusive relationship. It took years for that to get through my head. There were the good times, there were the bad times, but oh, how I just wanted to feel the good times again.
What I wasn't really able to see was how this was affecting my children. They are adults now, but it took me a long time to change my relationship with them.
What I wasn't seeing, when people were trying to help me, was how I was hurting my children. I always felt that I was there for them, but I wasn't. How could I be there for them, when I was drinking and hiding out in the garage and sleeping in my car? That might sound strange, but I did fear for my life at times, and I needed to be around to make sure my children were ok.
They were young then, and they needed emotional stability. Where was I? I wasn't there for them. I was hiding in my own head and my own fear. My children never had emotional stability when they were growing up, and I own that now. I just didn't see that then.
Children do see everything, children do know everything, they don't know how to react to things, because this is all new to them. Some children build a shell around themselves, so that they will never be hurt again, some build their lives to help others, some become the aggressors so that they will never be hurt again.
I have no idea of why I am posting this. For some strange reason, my life did turn out OK.
I wanted to end this useless post with the above sentence, but I don't know, maybe it's because people didn't attack me, and let me take my time to make my own decisions. I should have listened sooner, but I didn't.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
What I wasn't really able to see was how this was affecting my children. They are adults now, but it took me a long time to change my relationship with them.
What I wasn't seeing, when people were trying to help me, was how I was hurting my children. I always felt that I was there for them, but I wasn't. How could I be there for them, when I was drinking and hiding out in the garage and sleeping in my car? That might sound strange, but I did fear for my life at times, and I needed to be around to make sure my children were ok.
They were young then, and they needed emotional stability. Where was I? I wasn't there for them. I was hiding in my own head and my own fear. My children never had emotional stability when they were growing up, and I own that now. I just didn't see that then.
Children do see everything, children do know everything, they don't know how to react to things, because this is all new to them. Some children build a shell around themselves, so that they will never be hurt again, some build their lives to help others, some become the aggressors so that they will never be hurt again.
I have no idea of why I am posting this. For some strange reason, my life did turn out OK.
I wanted to end this useless post with the above sentence, but I don't know, maybe it's because people didn't attack me, and let me take my time to make my own decisions. I should have listened sooner, but I didn't.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,620
Hey Amy, first of all I don't think your post is "useless" at all.
I think that you make a good point about how alcoholism can affect the relationship with the non-alcoholic parent as well.
I don't think there is a lot of room for "blame" in this situation. You were abused, you were in survival mode, look at you now and how far you have come.
I think that you make a good point about how alcoholism can affect the relationship with the non-alcoholic parent as well.
I don't think there is a lot of room for "blame" in this situation. You were abused, you were in survival mode, look at you now and how far you have come.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Amy,
I am constantly educated on sr. You have helped strengthen my sobriety because I have a 15 yo. He knows so much because of the internet.
He refers to his baseball coach as a drunk. I had that guy beat a few years ago.
So thanks for the reminder.
It takes a constant effort sometimes to get back to a happy state.
I go up and down all day long, but it feels like the up is getting more frequent and lasting longer.
I have to keep reminding myself of my successes and failures.
My new thing is to embrace and learn from my failures...like Michael Jordan. He failed all the way to the top.
Thanks.
I am constantly educated on sr. You have helped strengthen my sobriety because I have a 15 yo. He knows so much because of the internet.
He refers to his baseball coach as a drunk. I had that guy beat a few years ago.
So thanks for the reminder.
It takes a constant effort sometimes to get back to a happy state.
I go up and down all day long, but it feels like the up is getting more frequent and lasting longer.
I have to keep reminding myself of my successes and failures.
My new thing is to embrace and learn from my failures...like Michael Jordan. He failed all the way to the top.
Thanks.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Amy 
Your posts are not useless. The beauty of SR is that we all share our own experiences. Hopefully, something we share is useful to someone else going through the same thing. Someone else will read what you write and think that "well, if she made it, so can I!"
That is the power of SR!
Your posts are not useless. The beauty of SR is that we all share our own experiences. Hopefully, something we share is useful to someone else going through the same thing. Someone else will read what you write and think that "well, if she made it, so can I!"
That is the power of SR!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Originally Posted by amy55 
I know that I had posted previously about children. It was mostly to help the poster and to not push them away because then we aren't helping at all. When I started posted on a different forum then this one, I had no idea of how my actions were affecting my children. It was the people that took the time out to just talk to me that helped me to understand that I was in an abusive relationship. It took years for that to get through my head. There were the good times, there were the bad times, but oh, how I just wanted to feel the good times again.
What I wasn't really able to see was how this was affecting my children. They are adults now, but it took me a long time to change my relationship with them.
What I wasn't seeing, when people were trying to help me, was how I was hurting my children. I always felt that I was there for them, but I wasn't. How could I be there for them, when I was drinking and hiding out in the garage and sleeping in my car? That might sound strange, but I did fear for my life at times, and I needed to be around to make sure my children were ok.
They were young then, and they needed emotional stability. Where was I? I wasn't there for them. I was hiding in my own head and my own fear. My children never had emotional stability when they were growing up, and I own that now. I just didn't see that then.
Children do see everything, children do know everything, they don't know how to react to things, because this is all new to them. Some children build a shell around themselves, so that they will never be hurt again, some build their lives to help others, some become the aggressors so that they will never be hurt again.
I have no idea of why I am posting this. For some strange reason, my life did turn out OK.
I wanted to end this useless post with the above sentence, but I don't know, maybe it's because people didn't attack me, and let me take my time to make my own decisions. I should have listened sooner, but I didn't.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
What I wasn't really able to see was how this was affecting my children. They are adults now, but it took me a long time to change my relationship with them.
What I wasn't seeing, when people were trying to help me, was how I was hurting my children. I always felt that I was there for them, but I wasn't. How could I be there for them, when I was drinking and hiding out in the garage and sleeping in my car? That might sound strange, but I did fear for my life at times, and I needed to be around to make sure my children were ok.
They were young then, and they needed emotional stability. Where was I? I wasn't there for them. I was hiding in my own head and my own fear. My children never had emotional stability when they were growing up, and I own that now. I just didn't see that then.
Children do see everything, children do know everything, they don't know how to react to things, because this is all new to them. Some children build a shell around themselves, so that they will never be hurt again, some build their lives to help others, some become the aggressors so that they will never be hurt again.
I have no idea of why I am posting this. For some strange reason, my life did turn out OK.
I wanted to end this useless post with the above sentence, but I don't know, maybe it's because people didn't attack me, and let me take my time to make my own decisions. I should have listened sooner, but I didn't.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
So well said Amy!!! Great share!
I too am still in counseling with my oldest child b/c it took a long time for the resentments to come out about how much I was not there for my children. I was doing my best at the time, or so I thought. Now I see that they felt abandoned and my oldest felt she had to emotionally care for my youngest. I was becoming a bitter, angry person. It changes the addict, but it changes the partner as well, and not for the good.
I regret 100% not taking action sooner.
I too am still in counseling with my oldest child b/c it took a long time for the resentments to come out about how much I was not there for my children. I was doing my best at the time, or so I thought. Now I see that they felt abandoned and my oldest felt she had to emotionally care for my youngest. I was becoming a bitter, angry person. It changes the addict, but it changes the partner as well, and not for the good.
I regret 100% not taking action sooner.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Wonderful share. As the child of an alcoholic and a recovering alcoholic myself, your words ring true with me. Progress and healing and acceptance take time for everyone involved in any part of this family disease.
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