Spoke with my ex about our son and alcoholism...
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Spoke with my ex about our son and alcoholism...
I have been wanting to for a while now, and yesterday was the day. Something I read in my Courage to Change daily reflection seemed to say it's time...so I reached out to my ex-husband and 27 year old son's dad, and told him what I believe about our son...that his bad behavior can all be attributed to the disease of alcoholism...He listened,and as is his way, he wanted to know how to "fix". He had not considered that our son was an alcoholic because he does very well at work. If you don't know, then you think all alcoholics just stay home and drink all day, or live under a bridge or something...but I told him not to take my word, to look into it, and come to his own conclusions, and decisions about what he thinks, and how he wants to behave where our son is concerned. That was all I could hope for.
He seemed to think that a good talking to might do the trick, but this will be his journey, I have mine. It did kind of break my heart to shatter his perception, but in the long run I also believe that if we are all on the same page, it's better for everyone. Our son will run out of people who play the "all is just fine" game with him, and I am ok with that. I felt like if our son had any other disease, and I knew it, and his dad did not, I would tell him without question. It made me think that alcoholism can be like pregnancy...you can only hide it for so long until it's obvious. So, if I am wrong, time will tell, and I would be very happy to have this wrong!
I think his dad has found his behavior baffling at times, and I did too, but when I began to look at it from the perspective that he is an alcoholic, all of the behavior makes sense.
I am grateful to have this place to share and think things through.
Please pray for him and for all of our loved ones who struggle with this terrible disease. xoxo
He seemed to think that a good talking to might do the trick, but this will be his journey, I have mine. It did kind of break my heart to shatter his perception, but in the long run I also believe that if we are all on the same page, it's better for everyone. Our son will run out of people who play the "all is just fine" game with him, and I am ok with that. I felt like if our son had any other disease, and I knew it, and his dad did not, I would tell him without question. It made me think that alcoholism can be like pregnancy...you can only hide it for so long until it's obvious. So, if I am wrong, time will tell, and I would be very happy to have this wrong!
I think his dad has found his behavior baffling at times, and I did too, but when I began to look at it from the perspective that he is an alcoholic, all of the behavior makes sense.
I am grateful to have this place to share and think things through.
Please pray for him and for all of our loved ones who struggle with this terrible disease. xoxo
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Hello seekingcalm,
I think for you and the young man's father to be on the same page, as you say, is a good thing. It can only help. I hope your ex does research on his own so that he can have a better understanding of behaviors and what to expect.
Your son and both of you will be in my prayers.
S
I think for you and the young man's father to be on the same page, as you say, is a good thing. It can only help. I hope your ex does research on his own so that he can have a better understanding of behaviors and what to expect.
Your son and both of you will be in my prayers.
S
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
I think it's like when you watch a movie, and then at the end there is a new piece of information, some final piece to the puzzle, and you feel like you want to watch the movie over again with this new information because it will all make sense now.
I feel like I gave him that information that sheds new light on everything else.
I feel like I gave him that information that sheds new light on everything else.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Thanksgiving has come and gone, and my son never replied to my invitations to Thanksgiving celebrations (we had 2). He never reached out to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving either.
He had planned to go to his dad's (I know this from my daughter), and then texted on Thanksgiving morning that he couldn't make it because he had the flu.
None of this surprises me...he is 27 years old, has never had the flu in his entire life. I believe t is getting more difficult for him to pretend that he is normal. It must be exhausting to play the role he does at work, and knowing how this disease progresses, I know it will only get more difficult for him.
There are moments when I get that ache in my tummy that tells me that all is not right with the world. But then I stop and breathe, and spend some time at this wonderful site, and I remember that I am well, and that he has a disease which makes it impossible for him to love anyone because he doesn't love himself. Heartbreaking, but when he is ready, there is way out the rabbit hole that he has found himself in. I just pray for him and for me, and for all of you and your loved ones. This is such a terrible disease.
He had planned to go to his dad's (I know this from my daughter), and then texted on Thanksgiving morning that he couldn't make it because he had the flu.
None of this surprises me...he is 27 years old, has never had the flu in his entire life. I believe t is getting more difficult for him to pretend that he is normal. It must be exhausting to play the role he does at work, and knowing how this disease progresses, I know it will only get more difficult for him.
There are moments when I get that ache in my tummy that tells me that all is not right with the world. But then I stop and breathe, and spend some time at this wonderful site, and I remember that I am well, and that he has a disease which makes it impossible for him to love anyone because he doesn't love himself. Heartbreaking, but when he is ready, there is way out the rabbit hole that he has found himself in. I just pray for him and for me, and for all of you and your loved ones. This is such a terrible disease.
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