A World Outside of Drinking: Can someone explain?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
A World Outside of Drinking: Can someone explain?
I keep hearing this phrase mentioned in meetings that people are astounded how much there is to do outside of drinking when they get sober. This kind of cross-talks over another thread, but it's a bit different. (the loneliness issue)
I guess my issue is that I do not see ANYTHING outside of drinking in my city. That is just what everyone does on the weekend. Maybe it's the people I associate with or who are/were in my circle. I live in a cold Northeast city and what do people do for most of the year? Have dinner and drinks, go out for drinks, go to bars, go to lounges, and have cocktail parties at their apartments. To stop drinking is in essence to quit your social life. I mean, you can go to these gatherings but they are boring as hell. Maybe with more sobriety under my belt I will see the world differently. I just feel frustrated and like I can't do anything.
I guess my issue is that I do not see ANYTHING outside of drinking in my city. That is just what everyone does on the weekend. Maybe it's the people I associate with or who are/were in my circle. I live in a cold Northeast city and what do people do for most of the year? Have dinner and drinks, go out for drinks, go to bars, go to lounges, and have cocktail parties at their apartments. To stop drinking is in essence to quit your social life. I mean, you can go to these gatherings but they are boring as hell. Maybe with more sobriety under my belt I will see the world differently. I just feel frustrated and like I can't do anything.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
Think about volunteering in your city. There are usually many opportunities to offer help and to give back in most cities. And, most volunteer opportunities don't involve alcohol and can give you a chance to meet people who are not drinkers.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
There is a much better life outside of drinking, but you'll have to make it so. 
I understand drinking functions are boring if you're not drinking. I agree with Anna about volunteering in your area. Lots of places you could help, and you'd meet like minded people.
I understand drinking functions are boring if you're not drinking. I agree with Anna about volunteering in your area. Lots of places you could help, and you'd meet like minded people. Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I'm one of the people here who often talks about this. Most of the responses I get are the hole that you'll see that the world is in a bunch of drinkers, there's life without drinking Etc. Personally I find, and maybe it is based on Social Circle, age group whatever, that all or almost all social activities and celebrations in my world revolve around drinking. On the other hand I certainly enjoy my life much more without it when I'm not at those kind of gatherings. From my fitness and health, to enjoying full days filled with things I enjoy my life, including friends and family in Reading, Sports excetera. Life is better sober. But it's hard at times when all of your Social obligations and celebrations involve drinking. There's a loneliness to it, being the sober person. But it's certainly better than it used to be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
I do absolutely everything I used to do (without alcohol now) and I enjoy it more. I still go to concerts, I still go to parties, I still socialize, still play in a band. The only thing that has changed is everything. If one can't find things to do that don't involve alcohol, you're simply not looking hard enough.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 431
Originally Posted by BlownOne 
I do absolutely everything I used to do (without alcohol now) and I enjoy it more. I still go to concerts, I still go to parties, I still socialize, still play in a band. The only thing that has changed is everything. If one can't find things to do that don't involve alcohol, you're simply not looking hard enough.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
chiq,
That is the addiction talking. It took me over a year sober, a near relapse, another year sober, another near relapse to get this far.
Drinking is a fantasy world. It is a vacation in a person's mind. It quells the masses and leads to an early demise.
The addiction is strong and nearly unstoppable. The success rate for those of us trying to stay quit is less than 10% or something ridiculous like that.
So, I person has to suffer to get clean and suffer to stay clean.
Waking up sober after all of this time is amazing. I still feel like I have a hangover sometimes, but it is from natural, my body produced, melatonin. That is the best hangover to have.
Thanks.
That is the addiction talking. It took me over a year sober, a near relapse, another year sober, another near relapse to get this far.
Drinking is a fantasy world. It is a vacation in a person's mind. It quells the masses and leads to an early demise.
The addiction is strong and nearly unstoppable. The success rate for those of us trying to stay quit is less than 10% or something ridiculous like that.
So, I person has to suffer to get clean and suffer to stay clean.
Waking up sober after all of this time is amazing. I still feel like I have a hangover sometimes, but it is from natural, my body produced, melatonin. That is the best hangover to have.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by lessgravity
I'm one of the people here who often talks about this. Most of the responses I get are the hole that you'll see that the world is in a bunch of drinkers, there's life without drinking Etc. Personally I find, and maybe it is based on Social Circle, age group whatever, that all or almost all social activities and celebrations in my world revolve around drinking. On the other hand I certainly enjoy my life much more without it when I'm not at those kind of gatherings. From my fitness and health, to enjoying full days filled with things I enjoy my life, including friends and family in Reading, Sports excetera. Life is better sober. But it's hard at times when all of your Social obligations and celebrations involve drinking. There's a loneliness to it, being the sober person. But it's certainly better than it used to be.
For me, even though I feel I am missing out at certain social events by not drinking, it's only temporary, and I certainly don't feel like I'm missing out when I wake up the next day without a hangover feeling good. I'll take a sober existence over a drunk one any day of the week. Loneliness can be worked on, hobbies and interests can be discovered, but there is nothing that can be said for partaking in drinking anymore, that just leads down a dark path which we can no longer tread.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
I’m only at 5 mo sober, but my drinking had been way down for the year before that, and I’ve realized a couple of things:
1) “life” doesn’t just happen at night. There are plenty of cool things to do with cool people when you’re not at home nursing a hangover or shame from the night before. If you actually venture out during the day, you meet other people who are out there actually living fun and full lives.
2) there are plenty of things to do at night that don’t involve people drinking alcoholically. Yes, drinking may be there, but normal people have 1 or 2 then stop. Once I stopped being drunk at the party, I realized how often I had been the ONLY drunk at the party.
I still avoid certain things - I don’t do the wives’ trip away because those are all about the drinking with my normally moderate crew. And I didn’t do Halloween parties this year for the same reason. But I went to Beyoncé and Jay-Z a couple months back and guess what - I didn’t see anyone stumbling drunk. From the last time I saw Beyoncé a few years back, I remember the opening song and that’s it. Figured concert meant a free pass to drink hard; turns out that I was in the minority.
so, moral of the story is a) don’t be a vampire and b) try to hang out with normal people at night, and you can still have big fun lol. That’s all I got.
1) “life” doesn’t just happen at night. There are plenty of cool things to do with cool people when you’re not at home nursing a hangover or shame from the night before. If you actually venture out during the day, you meet other people who are out there actually living fun and full lives.
2) there are plenty of things to do at night that don’t involve people drinking alcoholically. Yes, drinking may be there, but normal people have 1 or 2 then stop. Once I stopped being drunk at the party, I realized how often I had been the ONLY drunk at the party.
I still avoid certain things - I don’t do the wives’ trip away because those are all about the drinking with my normally moderate crew. And I didn’t do Halloween parties this year for the same reason. But I went to Beyoncé and Jay-Z a couple months back and guess what - I didn’t see anyone stumbling drunk. From the last time I saw Beyoncé a few years back, I remember the opening song and that’s it. Figured concert meant a free pass to drink hard; turns out that I was in the minority.
so, moral of the story is a) don’t be a vampire and b) try to hang out with normal people at night, and you can still have big fun lol. That’s all I got.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I mean, you can go to these gatherings but they are boring as hell.
Everything I thought drinking made me better at and thereby increasing my enjoyment, has proved to totally baseless and without substance. Everything I truly enjoy doing, I do much better sober, way more than I ever did when drinking, which really increases my enjoyment of those activities. An additional plus, is that i have been able to stop doing things which when you got right down to were "boring as hell".
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I have found that the world outside of drinking is a lot bigger than the world inside of drinking. I can do more, and better, and safer. I can make logical, rational decisions. I have much less regret in my life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by chiquen81
I guess my issue is that I do not see ANYTHING outside of drinking in my city. That is just what everyone does on the weekend. Maybe it's the people I associate with or who are/were in my circle.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hey Chiquen
When I was a drinker everyone I knew drank, and 98% of then drank like I did.
Turns out most of the world doesn't obsess over drinking like I did.
It takes time to build a new sober life and to find new sober or 'normal' friends - but it's not impossible.
I'll take this sober life over my drinking one any day.
I have more fun now than I ever did drunk. I have a better social life.
like myself better and other people like me.
I feel productive and energised. I look forward to the future.
You can't live your old life in recovery IMO.
Drinking was the only way to make that boring soulless existence tolerable.
Now you have the choice to make life whatever you want it to be - it won't happen overnight but nothing good ever does,.
Have faith, and keep that faith.
If you're sober and actively looking for ways to be happy sober, you're on the right road
D
When I was a drinker everyone I knew drank, and 98% of then drank like I did.
Turns out most of the world doesn't obsess over drinking like I did.
It takes time to build a new sober life and to find new sober or 'normal' friends - but it's not impossible.
I'll take this sober life over my drinking one any day.
I have more fun now than I ever did drunk. I have a better social life.
like myself better and other people like me.
I feel productive and energised. I look forward to the future.
You can't live your old life in recovery IMO.
Drinking was the only way to make that boring soulless existence tolerable.
Now you have the choice to make life whatever you want it to be - it won't happen overnight but nothing good ever does,.
Have faith, and keep that faith.
If you're sober and actively looking for ways to be happy sober, you're on the right road
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
Regardless of what your doing ! Doing it sober is a million times better than doing it drunk!
I to wondered what my life would be like without alcohol in it ..
I used to think if the wine industry ever shut down I would die🤣
nearly 11 months sober and I've realised I can do anything I want in this world ...
My life only started the day I put the wine bottle down ...Forever
cara❤
I to wondered what my life would be like without alcohol in it ..
I used to think if the wine industry ever shut down I would die🤣
nearly 11 months sober and I've realised I can do anything I want in this world ...
My life only started the day I put the wine bottle down ...Forever
cara❤
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by Kiwidub
I live in Dublin. In Ireland. If I can find things to do sober, trust me, so can you ������
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 133
For me, the positives FAR outweigh the negatives associated with drinking. Going out to a big event or some party and having a blast people watching, or engaging with people (and networking) with people in a meaningful way is so great! Plus, I can remember all of our conversations. Kinda handy when you're networking =)
The best part is driving home knowing that I'm totally sober so there is no fear of getting pulled over or drunkenly hitting some innocent person.
The best part is driving home knowing that I'm totally sober so there is no fear of getting pulled over or drunkenly hitting some innocent person.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 133
"Drinking was the only way to make that boring soulless existence tolerable."
That's a different way of looking at it that I've never considered. Instead of looking at the alcohol as something that makes a boring existence fun, see that for what is was: An illusion. I was merely making a boring drunk lifestyle tolerable, but in reality, I could have had much more fun do the same things while sober.
Oh well...live and learn. As long as your heart is beating, it's never too late to turn things around.
That's a different way of looking at it that I've never considered. Instead of looking at the alcohol as something that makes a boring existence fun, see that for what is was: An illusion. I was merely making a boring drunk lifestyle tolerable, but in reality, I could have had much more fun do the same things while sober.
Oh well...live and learn. As long as your heart is beating, it's never too late to turn things around.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
