How do you forgive?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 1
How do you forgive?
I found out 2 days ago that my always perfect, super star of a husband has been hiding a pain pill addiction for the past year, spending upwards of $25,000 to get his fix. I feel like the air has been knocked out of me and I am so angry that I can’t seem to get past the yelling every time we go to talk. I want to be there to support him with his recovery, but I am so hurt that my emotions are uncontrollable and our kids are catching me in tears every corner they walk around. How do I start to find forgiveness? How do I sympathize with him and uplift him while he is going through this? Is the damage irreversible? I need guidance.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you're here.
Besides these forums, Nar-Anon is a great support resource for friends, family and co-workers.
http://www.nar-anon.org/
Besides these forums, Nar-Anon is a great support resource for friends, family and co-workers.
http://www.nar-anon.org/
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
That's a lot of money.
I don't think I could be very quick to forgive that either--especially if that was your shared savings for retirement.
Maybe you need to book some therapy appointments so you have a safe place to get mad first?
So sorry this happened to you.
I don't think I could be very quick to forgive that either--especially if that was your shared savings for retirement.
Maybe you need to book some therapy appointments so you have a safe place to get mad first?
So sorry this happened to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
I think it helps if you remember that forgiving someone doesn't mean you condone what they did and it doesn't mean that you'll forget about it. I think it just means that you will put down the anger and negative feelings you are carrying on your shoulders. Forgiving will be something that you do for yourself. And, for me, forgiving is often done multiple times because it's hard to let go of the feelings all at once.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I don't think two days is enough time, it will take you a while to process through this so be gentle with yourself - it's a huge shock. I agree that some one to one therapy for you would help. You have every right to not trust him right now (as a matter of fact, that's smart.)
I hope he is ready to put down this dangerous, horrible addiction. It's not easy to do.
If I were in your shoes I'd also contact an attorney to help you protect your joint and separate assets...regardless. A pill addiction can wipe you out financially as you can see - and it's not easy or fast to recover from this addiction.
Is he willing to get professional treatment? What is his plan?
I hope he is ready to put down this dangerous, horrible addiction. It's not easy to do.
If I were in your shoes I'd also contact an attorney to help you protect your joint and separate assets...regardless. A pill addiction can wipe you out financially as you can see - and it's not easy or fast to recover from this addiction.
Is he willing to get professional treatment? What is his plan?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
I think it's normal to still feel angry after such short time. But in case time alone won't help you to forgive, I can recommend the book The Shack by William P Young. It helped me to forgive a person who has harmed me in a very bad way and whom I thought I could never forgive.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
anyone who finds out a partner has spent 25 thousand dollars for any purpose not in the budget in the past year would be upset. and it would take a whole lot longer than 2 days to get over it.
cut yourself some slack, you just got ran over by a convoy of semis. absolutely nothing you do in the next 24 hours is going to CHANGE the current events. but what you have done is reached out for help. which is commendable.
welcome.
cut yourself some slack, you just got ran over by a convoy of semis. absolutely nothing you do in the next 24 hours is going to CHANGE the current events. but what you have done is reached out for help. which is commendable.
welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,670
I was/am the alcoholic who lost my families trust- and in the end, my family altogether.
For an addict to truly be repentant, means honesty and evidence over time, that trust can be given....
Look after yourself first, and seek support for you. I know all too well the dependence I had on my family for support- when I should have been looking outside the family for that support- as they had their own issues to deal with.
My prayers and support to you, your family and your partner.
Addiction sucks.
For an addict to truly be repentant, means honesty and evidence over time, that trust can be given....
Look after yourself first, and seek support for you. I know all too well the dependence I had on my family for support- when I should have been looking outside the family for that support- as they had their own issues to deal with.
My prayers and support to you, your family and your partner.
Addiction sucks.
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