Sobermich

Hi guys. My first post and unfortunately it is not a good one. I've been an alcoholic for years. Am now 51. Longest sobriety was 18 months. Just kept on returning to the demon. On Thursday I got very drunk and in thus drunken state took 25 xanor and 25 serdep. Then proceeded to cut both my wrists and my neck. My boyfriend came over and I live in a cottage with my brother so they were here. I am so tormented by what I've dobe. My scars are bad...I cannot sleep read or watch TV. I feel physically ill still as well. I hate what I've put my partner and family through. I'm ashamed guilty scared and in real torment. Oh if I could only turn back the clock

Numblady

I am so sorry. I know you will find tremendous support and encouragement if you hang around here. You may not be able to turn back the clock but you can make sure the minutes, hours and days that tick away from here on out don’t involve the torment of alcohol. It sounds like you may also need/want to consider some professional assistance if you at all can. Much support to you. Please keep coming back!

entropy1964

I'm glad you are ok and have loved ones around to support you. I have tried to kill myself and have self harmed while very intoxicated. I relate.

The exciting part is, you never have to do this again. Never. Read around here about how people have maintained abstinence and start a plan for your new life.

It's hard at first, as you are very raw. Regret and shame can feel debilitating. But they will fade and pass. As each day goes by that you are sober and make better decisions for yourself, you will start to heal.

But nothing changes if drinking and use continue. That's just the deal. If you want to feel better, you make better choices. If you want to feel lousy, make lousy choices. Just kinda how it works.

Hang in there.

Jules714

In my opinion medical attention to your wounds, your withdrawl symptoms and your emotional state can only help. You need support as do your loved ones.
Alcohol depresses us and we lose rational thinking. We have all done atricious things while drinking. Dangerous things we wouldn't ordinarily do.
You need tender, astute support and a strong plan of action to heal many facets. We all do. If you cant watch TV maybe write a plan? What worked for 18 months?
You deserve this and furthermore can do this.
Take gentle care, big hug.
Jules

Anna

I'm glad you're okay and that you have people supporting you. I do hope that you talk to your doctor about your wounds and about your addiction. I also hope that you are ready to stop drinking, and if so, you will find lots of support here.

Sobermich

Thanks So so so much to ask who replied. Yes I'm committed to staying clean...x

PhoenixJ

51 was when, because of booze I was clinically dead x 3. Welldocumented- will not prevaricate- but just a few words to show you I can understand the extremities booze takes us to. You have a partner and a bro and a place to live. I lost all that- so you are in a place where you can learn and grow. I saw a GP, got a counsellor, started going to meetings and posting here every day- since July 2016 nd have only missed 2 nights- from computer stuff and a power blackout. It is hard work, but if you start now- your future will improve.
My prayers and support to you

Dee74

I'm sorry for what you've been through sobermich but this can be your turning point...you never have to feel this way again - honestly

Many of us here have survived similar, and wear the scars...they fade in time, or we learn to see past them

D

Sobermich

You guys are amazing. Thanks so much

PhoenixJ

How are you, SM

Gerard52

Sobermich I am sorry for what you are going through. You can get through this.

Verdantia

Welcome Sobermich, and I hope you are well today. This is a great place with lots of understanding and helpful people.
I attempted to take my own life nearly 3 years ago; I smashed my car into a concrete barrier; it was horrifying for my friends and family and I still regret putting them through the pain and worry. It must have knocked some sense into me though because I have been sober ever since. It will be 2 years, 11 months next week.
You can do this! It seems impossible (at least it did for me) but just keep putting one foot in front of the other and walking in sobriety. A beautiful life awaits you. I hope you stick around and keep posting.

Midwest1981

I am so glad you are okay.....you are meant to be here for a reason!

Rose7788

Sobermich

Hi guys
thank you so much for your beautiful words. I've been embarrassed to come back but the good news is I am clean and sober since the event! 2 weeks now. I am so grateful. Xxxxx"xx

PhoenixJ

NEVER be embarrassed to come back, SM. I know people who clean their house, before they pay to have it cleaned. The place to deal with your feelings and drinking- is here, or at meetings or with a professional- in other words with people who understand.
Support to you, well done and keep posting.

ReadyAtLast

Congratulations on 2 weeks. Please don't ever be embarrassed to cone back. Why not join us in the November class of people getting sober this month .?

sorry I can't link it ☺

Verdantia

Hi, Sobermich. Two weeks is awesome! Keep going and never be ashamed to come back. I'm very glad you're here and posting, and I also think joining the class of November would be a great idea; lots of support to be had there.

Kaily

Well done Sobermich.

Be kind to yourself.

Fearlessat50

Sobermich, it is so awesome that you are alive and you are back here and 2 weeks sober! I hope you never feel ashamed to post here. Read some of the stories and you will know that you are not alone. This is a very supportive forum. By staying connected here, we have all continued to help ourselves while helping others. Your story can inspire others struggling.