4thegirls

I have a actually been on here at night often but not posting. Too ashamed. Two afraid of failing again. My mom was very sick all year and I was caring for her around the clock, though she was totally abusive and insulting to me and my family. In the end I found she had given full power of attorney to my brother, who would not even let me talk to her doctors, who I found had stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars from mom, and who had convinced my mom to write me out of most of her Trust. She died in late August, and at her funeral her best friend told me my Mom had no respect for me and thought my work is meaningless. The day after her funeral my brother locked us out of Mom's house, which was our family home for 50 years, and has now given me 2 weeks to clean it out and sell everything or he will throw it all in a dumpster. My daughter and ex husband were living with mom amd caring for her at night, and they have now been sleeping on my couches for 2 months. I am also still trying to singlehandedly hold my business together and homeschool my younger daughter. Needless to say I have been drowning myself in wine, vodka and kratom tea, every day promisimg myself I will stop. I thought when she died I would fimally have a chance to get well, but it is a never ending nightmare. I tell everyone I need some time, I need a doctor, and they say, oh yes, yes take care of yourself. But no one steps in to pick up the slack at all, to answer calls or emails, let me rest or read my meditations. I am supporting 4 people myself while trying to deal with my mom's estate, my vicious brother, bipolar disorder and PTSD, .... and my grief, all doused in gallons amd gallons of alcohol. But I am determined to just say enough. I am going to tell my family in the morning that I am taking 2 weeks to rest, grieve, see a doctor and start to get well. I will be doing the barest minimum of work and putting the liquidation of my mom's house in someome else's hands. I will come on here, eat healthy food, drink water and juice, and create an "out of office" message for my email and voicemail.<br />i have had horrible insomnia, stomach pains and acid reflux, side pains, fatique, tingling in my limbs. I am ao tired of not being cared for and not caring for myself, feeling sick, exhausted and totally relied on by everyone. I need some help

Charli23

PhoenixJ

Prayers to you.
All I know for me- when I was at my lowest, after being clinically dead x 3 (burns- blackout-booze-ciggie + plastic arm splint), abandoned by family, homeless and nearly dead from self neglect, with a truckload of mental stuff...alcohol made it worse. Also meetings helped, as did seeking out support from a GP.

SnazzyDresser

Life has a way of piling these endless complications on us, it can wear you down if you let it. That's awesome that you're taking some time to sort things out and take care of yourself. These problems that all seem so overwhelming can be dealt with but it takes a lot of time and energy and wisdom. Hang in there, 4thegirls! SR is always here to talk you thru things when it gets tough.

Numblady

That’s a lot. And I can understand how you feel in terms of life not slowing down for a minute to focus on all the healthy stuff you might do if you didn’t have so much responsibility. Good for you to try it although it must be difficult with all the plates you are spinning. I hope that time will help and maybe a better option or two for some of this will shine through to you. All the best, and may you find some peace and healing soon.

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation. If your brother has full power of attorney, it seems there would be no reason for you to be dealing with your mother's estate and all that it involves. Why not step away and take care of yourself?

Jules714

Im really very sorry for your loss. Tremendous amount of heart break.
I guess what has been done eith the estate is done. I'd cut those toxic people all the way off. Alcohol has not helped in any circumstance here and it never will. You really do need to put yourself in the list (imagine that!) Moreover at the top or you are going to die. Alcoholism or stress induced heart issues but one cannot survive in this chaos with this level.of grief and loss (the betrayals of family too?!)
These are things that sadly happen to us in life its learning to deal with them with a solution that is not at all alcohol. I hopr you see you are worth this time and really commit to yourself to stop adding to harms done to you. You can do this & you are going to be so proud of yourself and your strength on the other side of this. Can't wait to hear from you then!
Jules

PalmerSage

I'm really sorry you're going through all this. it sounds incredibly stressful and draining. But also, don't do what I've done in the past and intermingle your life challenges with your need to drink. Sure, these circumstances don't help the issue, but it can be so easy to get into a cycle of rationalizing your behavior. When you stop drinking completely, you will be SO much more capable of dealing with these issues.

4thegirls

I would like to try to save some of her things. He doesn't care about any of it, just the money. So he has given me a little bit of time, but my e. Said he would move out what I want to keep. He said if I jusr tell him what I want he will handle it, and a friend actually emailed me today who owns an estate sake company and hes going to hold a sale Thanksgiving weekend so I have some help coming!))

mariposa

entropy1964

So I'm not an attorney but I have power of attorney in my family. That has nothing to do with their will and trust. Well, not nothing, but it is separate from the beneficiary designation.

The last thing I'm suggesting is getting all wrapped up in contesting your brother. But I think a copy of the will and an outside attorney's opinion may be worth it. I dunno. If he was embezzling money from your Mom that is a serious offense.

If she wrote you out of the will and you understand why she did that, then it is what it is. Attorneys are usually pretty good about knowing if someone is under 'duress' or not in the right frame of mind to make decisions.

I guess what I'm saying is if you feel your brother is at fault, or you feel your Mom was not in a sound state of mind when she was 'convinced to write you out of the trust', coupled with your brother literally stealing from your Mom, you might want to get some outside counsel.

Otherwise, let it go. Take care of you. Drinking will only make matters much much worse.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss and the bad situation with your brother.

You need to take care of yourself tho for your own sake and your own family kids etc.

However much you want to believe that drinkings helping you cope - it's not - it's actually contributing to you being less and less able to deal with the ups and downs of life like this.

You're stronger than you know. Drinking won't change your brother or lessen your grief.

Quit.

Do it for you - do it for your moms memory and do it for your own family.

I really believe you can do this 4thegirls - make this your turning point - quit and then put together a action plan to stay quit - find support and use it and start making changes in your life that reflect your desire to be sober.

You won't look back

D