Guener

I have been thinking about how the desire to drink, the AV, it comes in so many forms, it's like the Chameleon. In my venture into sobriety I have had so many opportunities to drink, taken a few, and wondered why I could see these chances in so many faces, with so many places, and in so many things that I was processing in my mind. Almost anything can present itself as a an opportunity to pick up a drink, especially in early sobriety, when things become rough situationally, and when we are not thinking clearly. Why are we fooled?

Hardinge

I'm not sure. But at the risk of sounding redundant, I think maybe some people forget to focus on the immediately positive aspects of stopping drinking.

For me, I didn't stop drinking just for the long term advantages it would provide. I stopped for what stopping gives me right *now*.

I try to keep in mind that anytime I drink, I'm going to immediately sacrifice those things that sobriety provides for me that very day.

I like those things,...energy,...good sleep,...no dreading the morning after.

I don't want to trade them for drinking. Not even for one day.

Hopeforme2014

Derringer

Its been baffling people since alcohol first showed up in human history.

Some 4000 years ago in Greece.

Another mystery is why can some quit with apparent ease, some not so easy, some with major struggles and some not at all ?

Varying degrees of alcoholism mean various recovery plans.

Often the one we are attracted to isn't the one. Most people start off thinking they just have to gather all their forces and not drink.

Some can, some can't. Some just need social support (AA meetingsetc),
some need a drastic overhaul of their life, actions and thoughts (AA Steps)

So looking back, what have you tried, what has failed and how bad do you want to get over it for good ?

What are you prepared to do ?

Guener

Thank you for the response, Derringer. Working on my sobriety I have needed both social support as well as change in how I perceive and react to the world around and within me.

I have been through a short (28 day) stay in rehab, as well as a periods of time where I was in a situation of being unable to drink (jail, homelessness). From each setting I have learned more about alcohol and about myself through AA, by reading, through alcohol treatment (IOP), CBT, and in therapy. I think the only thing that wasn't suggested to me was either Antabuse or Naltrexone.

In the past three years, I have had two relapse periods, each less severe than the previous in terms of amount I was drinking, length, as well as in consequences. The last time I was drinking, I was "only" making my depression and anxiety worse than it can be, and thanks to medication and therapy, that helped me to realize that I no longer wanted to drink anymore. I didn't give up on myself, and neither have the few friends I have left.

Today I try to follow the principles of AA with diligence. As an atheist I do find them compatible with sobriety and good character. I use my CBT to manage my thinking when I am in rough circumstances, and I seek out support in the same. I need to continuously improve upon how I subscribe to these principles in my daily affairs, but number one is that I do know that I am powerless over alcohol if I pick up a drink.

My AV is largely dormant, but recently I had an occasion to have it hit me unexpectedly strong. Out of left field, so to speak, there it was suggesting to me that a drink would sound like a nice thing to have. In the past I probably would have come close to drinking if not outright gone on a binge, as many things served to suggest to me that alcohol was going to be fine and either a relief or spirit lifting. Part of what I have learned from AA as well as in therapy is that our minds can deceive us if we are not circumscribed by a recall to reality. I need to be wary of how my AV wants to lead me back to using and to be alert to the warning signs, whatever they may be.

Hence my question to the group about how they recognize their own, using the analogy of the Chameleon.