Anxiety and Worrying
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Anxiety and Worrying
Funny I recall when I was young I worried about things. My mother would even refer to me as a worrier. My tendancy to be anxious is deep inside me.
Despite this I became a professional civil engineer and project director for some huge infrastructure projects around the world. In one way my tendency to worry help me be a good engineer as I was very thorugh in examining and resolve the conflicting individual needs to find the best solution. My speciality was feasibility studies and preliminary design. That is where the most creativity is to be found.
However, it has been a huge barrier to my ability to be happy and content. Second guessing and predicting outcomes on a roads or water supply is one thing, but when you do that with everything in your life stress levels rocket.
Despite this I became a professional civil engineer and project director for some huge infrastructure projects around the world. In one way my tendency to worry help me be a good engineer as I was very thorugh in examining and resolve the conflicting individual needs to find the best solution. My speciality was feasibility studies and preliminary design. That is where the most creativity is to be found.
However, it has been a huge barrier to my ability to be happy and content. Second guessing and predicting outcomes on a roads or water supply is one thing, but when you do that with everything in your life stress levels rocket.
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Location: France
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I also worry about things that haven’t even happened, I’ve had to teach myself to live in the present and not to overthink things, forget the past and don’t worry about the future is how I think now, good luck
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
I share similar qualities. And I share similar perspectives that my tendencies toward worry are simultaneously a strength as well as a weakness.
I'm actively working on perspective and expectations as a means to manage it. I sense that a significant - almost complete - change in perspective on things is required. A few examples - becoming more aware and at peace with the understanding that the point of life is not happiness persay, but fulfillment. Struggle is to be expected. That said, allowing those times of anxiety and worry to flow a bit more freely without having as negative impact on me - cycles of rumination, tightness in the neck and back, frustrations simmering just under the surface for hours...
How does one maintain some control in order to design a purposeful life while simultaneously letting go so as not to grip too tight? I don't know.
I remind myself that it's likely a skill that required practice and effort and time.
-B
I'm actively working on perspective and expectations as a means to manage it. I sense that a significant - almost complete - change in perspective on things is required. A few examples - becoming more aware and at peace with the understanding that the point of life is not happiness persay, but fulfillment. Struggle is to be expected. That said, allowing those times of anxiety and worry to flow a bit more freely without having as negative impact on me - cycles of rumination, tightness in the neck and back, frustrations simmering just under the surface for hours...
How does one maintain some control in order to design a purposeful life while simultaneously letting go so as not to grip too tight? I don't know.
I remind myself that it's likely a skill that required practice and effort and time.
-B
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
My forms of worry and anxiety have for years centered around two things: 1) the fear of being judged as inadequate; 2) a propensity to future time things into the possibility of inevitable poor outcomes.
For the first part, there has been little evidence that I'm an inadequate person at all. I have led a successful life both in schooling and in my career path (up until the alcohol overwhelmed me). Still, I was always very sensitive to criticism by others, even when that was only the normal corrections we receive from others to improve ourselves. I would avoid circumstances where I faced unknown potentials for being the subject of being less than perfect, or I would become defensive. Since we are seldom flawless in either character or in execution, I was constantly set up for failing along the way, in my mind. The result was constant, painful anxiety that I found I could temporarily relieve by drinking. I omit all the circumstances where anxiety was a pure result of my drinking, as I think we've all been there.
The other aspect for me, which is no doubt related to the first, has been a habit of predicting failure or catastrophe. I would imagine that things were going to turn out bad from the outset, perhaps related to low self-esteem. Because I was certain that things would not turn out the way I wanted them to, I found ways to sabotage myself into such an outcome, mainly through drinking over the perfectionism. My imagination controlled my reality, which is really kind of backwards, isn't it? If I was successful at things, it just served to shore up a weak ego that tended toward narcissism, again an odd combination.
I still work on these things today, but I find I am doing better at not allowing the anxiety to push me into reticence of dealing with existing or new situations in the same ways. Self-contradiction of judgment in the face of ability, or of the self-destructive tendency to set myself up for failure are inconsistent with happiness. Giving up the alcohol has gone a long way in allowing me to work toward reducing these mental aberrations and in seeing a different set of possibilities.
For the first part, there has been little evidence that I'm an inadequate person at all. I have led a successful life both in schooling and in my career path (up until the alcohol overwhelmed me). Still, I was always very sensitive to criticism by others, even when that was only the normal corrections we receive from others to improve ourselves. I would avoid circumstances where I faced unknown potentials for being the subject of being less than perfect, or I would become defensive. Since we are seldom flawless in either character or in execution, I was constantly set up for failing along the way, in my mind. The result was constant, painful anxiety that I found I could temporarily relieve by drinking. I omit all the circumstances where anxiety was a pure result of my drinking, as I think we've all been there.
The other aspect for me, which is no doubt related to the first, has been a habit of predicting failure or catastrophe. I would imagine that things were going to turn out bad from the outset, perhaps related to low self-esteem. Because I was certain that things would not turn out the way I wanted them to, I found ways to sabotage myself into such an outcome, mainly through drinking over the perfectionism. My imagination controlled my reality, which is really kind of backwards, isn't it? If I was successful at things, it just served to shore up a weak ego that tended toward narcissism, again an odd combination.
I still work on these things today, but I find I am doing better at not allowing the anxiety to push me into reticence of dealing with existing or new situations in the same ways. Self-contradiction of judgment in the face of ability, or of the self-destructive tendency to set myself up for failure are inconsistent with happiness. Giving up the alcohol has gone a long way in allowing me to work toward reducing these mental aberrations and in seeing a different set of possibilities.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Originally Posted by Guener 
... not allowing the anxiety to push me into reticence of dealing with existing or new situations in the same ways.
My experience shows when I deal with needs to be done I feel better. Unfortunately my instinct is first to hide.
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Hi Gerard
You are still in AA?
I think focusing on what I can control and taking action is the most powerful tool I have in my recovery. If its out of my control, then I must mindful-fully acknowledge that.
I start to obsess on things outside of me when I'm avoiding things that need my attention. That is usually my feelings and how I'm choosing to react or respond. If its just some 'thing' then do it.
Takes practice but one step at a time, one hurdle at a time, it becomes second nature.
You are still in AA?
I think focusing on what I can control and taking action is the most powerful tool I have in my recovery. If its out of my control, then I must mindful-fully acknowledge that.
I start to obsess on things outside of me when I'm avoiding things that need my attention. That is usually my feelings and how I'm choosing to react or respond. If its just some 'thing' then do it.
Takes practice but one step at a time, one hurdle at a time, it becomes second nature.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 431
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Hi Gerard
You are still in AA?
You are still in AA?
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Guener
My forms of worry and anxiety have for years centered around two things: 1) the fear of being judged as inadequate; 2) a propensity to future time things into the possibility of inevitable poor outcomes.
For the first part, there has been little evidence that I'm an inadequate person at all. I have led a successful life both in schooling and in my career path (up until the alcohol overwhelmed me). Still, I was always very sensitive to criticism by others, even when that was only the normal corrections we receive from others to improve ourselves. I would avoid circumstances where I faced unknown potentials for being the subject of being less than perfect, or I would become defensive. Since we are seldom flawless in either character or in execution, I was constantly set up for failing along the way, in my mind. The result was constant, painful anxiety that I found I could temporarily relieve by drinking. I omit all the circumstances where anxiety was a pure result of my drinking, as I think we've all been there.
The other aspect for me, which is no doubt related to the first, has been a habit of predicting failure or catastrophe. I would imagine that things were going to turn out bad from the outset, perhaps related to low self-esteem. Because I was certain that things would not turn out the way I wanted them to, I found ways to sabotage myself into such an outcome, mainly through drinking over the perfectionism. My imagination controlled my reality, which is really kind of backwards, isn't it? If I was successful at things, it just served to shore up a weak ego that tended toward narcissism, again an odd combination.
I still work on these things today, but I find I am doing better at not allowing the anxiety to push me into reticence of dealing with existing or new situations in the same ways. Self-contradiction of judgment in the face of ability, or of the self-destructive tendency to set myself up for failure are inconsistent with happiness. Giving up the alcohol has gone a long way in allowing me to work toward reducing these mental aberrations and in seeing a different set of possibilities.
For the first part, there has been little evidence that I'm an inadequate person at all. I have led a successful life both in schooling and in my career path (up until the alcohol overwhelmed me). Still, I was always very sensitive to criticism by others, even when that was only the normal corrections we receive from others to improve ourselves. I would avoid circumstances where I faced unknown potentials for being the subject of being less than perfect, or I would become defensive. Since we are seldom flawless in either character or in execution, I was constantly set up for failing along the way, in my mind. The result was constant, painful anxiety that I found I could temporarily relieve by drinking. I omit all the circumstances where anxiety was a pure result of my drinking, as I think we've all been there.
The other aspect for me, which is no doubt related to the first, has been a habit of predicting failure or catastrophe. I would imagine that things were going to turn out bad from the outset, perhaps related to low self-esteem. Because I was certain that things would not turn out the way I wanted them to, I found ways to sabotage myself into such an outcome, mainly through drinking over the perfectionism. My imagination controlled my reality, which is really kind of backwards, isn't it? If I was successful at things, it just served to shore up a weak ego that tended toward narcissism, again an odd combination.
I still work on these things today, but I find I am doing better at not allowing the anxiety to push me into reticence of dealing with existing or new situations in the same ways. Self-contradiction of judgment in the face of ability, or of the self-destructive tendency to set myself up for failure are inconsistent with happiness. Giving up the alcohol has gone a long way in allowing me to work toward reducing these mental aberrations and in seeing a different set of possibilities.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Hi Gerard. I get it. I’m a worrier too. Someone on this site recommended a book called “Worry, Hope for a common condition”. I read it and it helped For me, it is all about knowing the difference between what I can control and what I can’t. Accepting what I can’t and being proactive about what I can. It’s not always that simple though.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
I can relate...
I've been anxious and depressed since my early teens. I was told to "relax" and "stop feeling sorry for myself" even though I have achieved way more career success than any other members of my extended family... but I still feel anxious and depressed.
Part of recovery is believing in myself... I am still not there.
My daughters are achieving way more at very young ages than anybody in our extended families have ever have... they seem very happy... but I still have doubts about myself.
I shouldn't feel this way.
I've been anxious and depressed since my early teens. I was told to "relax" and "stop feeling sorry for myself" even though I have achieved way more career success than any other members of my extended family... but I still feel anxious and depressed.
Part of recovery is believing in myself... I am still not there.
My daughters are achieving way more at very young ages than anybody in our extended families have ever have... they seem very happy... but I still have doubts about myself.
I shouldn't feel this way.
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