He died 8 days ago at the age of 49. I found him downstairs unresponsive and called 911. I pulled him off the couch and started cpr. When the paramedics came and took over I asked if there was a heartbeat and they said no. They worked on him while I went upstairs and had the kids go to the neighbors. Then they came up and told me they were sorry. I was in shock I guess but oddly calm. I knew this day was coming for years. You don’t drink all day like he did without repercussions.

Medical examiner said toxicology reports are still pending but his organs all showed severe damage from advanced alcohol abuse. I asked if he didn’t drink if he would be alive today and they said yes, he would be alive.

The funny thing was was he was about to start a amazing job. He also had oddly gone around and made peace with his brother, sister, best friend, me in the past two months. I remember thinking “wow the guy I married 14 years ago is back”

He never cheated, never hit me, wasn’t a ‘mean drunk’. In the past 5 years he just was always gone either physically or mentally bc of his drinking. His friends seemed to be his 2nd priority after alcohol. Everyone knew and loved him. I hated having to compete with his friends. I hated having to get his attention by drinking, it was not something I could do after having triplets. So I became a ‘nag’ instead of his party buddy.

Im relieved that my kids will never be embarrassed of him. They won’t be ashamed that he stinks of alcohol at soccer or when meeting their prom dates. I won’t have to worry anymore if he is going to slur while talking to their teachers or bring a drink to the bus stop. They are going to remember that there was 400 people at his service talking about how wonderful he was.

I am going to talk with them when they get older about his addiction and how that can make a person act or do things they normally wouldn’t do. I know his mom doesn’t like that but I am going to be honest. Even though they are just 7 years old, they felt the effects of his drinking and will continue to do so.

Anyway- I didn’t write here a lot but wanted to post a update here.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I really hate this disease. Prayers of healing for you and your children.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

This disease is so terrible. It takes people we love the most. So often they’re “gone” before their gone. I’m glad he made peace with you. I hope you find peace with your family.

Big hugs to all all of you