makinachange

Well, I finally decided to admit that I have a drinking problem and need to get sober. It all started about 8 years ago with presure from college and my busy life. Then it got worse and worse. I was drinking more and more. Now, I think I am real sick. I am tired of feeling sick and tired all the time. I confronted my husband today. I told him what I think and just sat down and cried. I is so great and will be a big suporter. I really got tired of hiding how much I drank. Hiding booze bottles around the house. Using cash to pay for booze so he can't track how much I spent. Well, my day today went down like this. Feeling sick from drinking a pint of vodka last night, I woke up and did a shot at about 1am. 3am another one. 5am and I realized that I can't do this anymore. I poured the booze down the drain (of course after doing another shot). But hey, ya gotta start somewhere. When I did wake up today and looked at my tired sick eyes in the mirror, I knew I hit my lowest. Monday will be my first real sober day in a long time and I am committed to making a big change. The good part is that I never drink and drive and I always show up for work (even if I have to throw up from a hangover before I go). I love my life. I am a competetive skater and tennis player and I would like to think how much better I would be if I just stopped poisening myself.

Well, thanks for reading and please leave feedback. I really could use some buddys to help me get though this. Tomorrow I am calling the doctor and setting up a physical and talk to him about where to get help. The church will do me no good since I am not and never have been a religious person.

Lompocian

Welcome!

Okay, so you're not a religious person... nor am I.

May I suggest attending an AA meeting? I've trained staying sober on my own before and eventually I would always pick up again. I finally gave AA another try 5 1/2 years ago and I've been sober ever since! Do you have the honesty, open-mind and willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober

I honestly don't believe I could have made it to today these past 5 years without the meetings and people I have met in the rooms of AA. They told me I wouldn't have to do it alone... neither do you!

michski

Hiya Makin! You've made a decision that will change your life for the OHSOMUCH better! I remember those nights when I got up every few hours .. anxious and alone, desperate for some good rest. I began drinking in the middle of the night because I knew I needed my sleep but alcohol backfires on us in the late stages of our disease. We can't sleep unless we drink and when we drink we can't sleep for very long.. if you want to call passing out sleep. It sucked. I sincerely hope that you can make that scary phone call to your doctor and make arrangements for your detox. It sounds like it's time for you to claim your life back again and AA has the program to help you get on your feet, deal with your past and have some faith for the future. It's a fabulous program and you don't need to be religious but you will become spiritual. Good luck and keep coming back.

Frost

That you've admitted you need help is a tremendous step in the right direction. It is this honest admission we all must make for ourselves that allows us to open the door to recovery. I'm glad you're here! The next step is getting to a meeting. My home is NA but you may find yourself more comfortable in AA. You are welcome in either. Without a program, I would not be clean right now. With a program, one day at a time, I never have to use again. Keep coming back. We're here for you.







'In the end, only kindness matters.'

mikee

Hello Makinachange!
You found a great bunch of folks here at S.R., that can help you 'make a change'.
Mostlikely your Doctor will shed some light on (possible) heath problems concerns. Fingers crossed for nothing serious!
mikee

cfrey5666

Hi Makin,

You sound exactly like my story. Literally, I still find bottles hidden in some very unusual places. My husband has been extremely supportive, but has just about had enough of me. I don't blame him. I've had enough of me to! How has it been going?

Hugs,

Cindy

ted

WELCOME YOUR IN THE RIGHT PLACE FOR SUPPORT.
I USED TO HIDE BOTTLES ALSO,FORGETTING WHERE THEY WERE MOST OF THE TIME.
A.A. IS A GREAT WAY TO GET A SUPPORT GROUP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRINK ANYMORE.
STAY STRONG ...................ted

Ama

That was ME last Tuesday night Wed Morn....but I finished it.....drank every single last solitary drop.......

This site has been brill and I have probably driven everyone crazy but I am now 5 days sober. You should go to the doctor and get checked out. I have tried but know that it is me and only me and my intent that will work at keeping me sober.

I am still writing down "I am an alcoholic". Acceptance for the first time and its such a relief I cannot explain - a release from the shackles.....

I wish you the very very very best......and for all of us......Luvs Ama

Chy

Welcome to SR!
I promise your doing the right thing. Be strong, don't let "it" tell you otherwise when you get to feeling better, realize your disease will be talking to you daily trying to get you to have just one. We'll be here along the way, many miracles in progress happening around here, there is nothing to fear. You can do this!

makinachange

Wow, you guys so nice and kind. Thank you for all you encouragement. Today is my first sober day in about two weeks and it feels good to finally feel somewhat normal. Yesterday I was shaky and threw up last night, but I woke up feeling much better. I do not have the inclination to drink at all right now, but I know that the monster is just sleeping and can awaken at anytime. I need to wait so I can destroy it. Yes, I call it a monster. The same monster that nags at you and says:

"you cannot drive your kid to the mall today because you are going to drink instead."
"you cannot have fun on a bike today because you are going to drink instead."
"you will go to work sick tomorrow because you are going to drink all day today."
"you cannot enjoy the goodness of a sunshiney day because you will be sick from drinking."
"you will not play the piano today because you are going to drink instead."

Folks, we all need to make statements that are the opposite.
"I would rather ride my son to the mall instead of be drunk."
"I would rather win my tennis match than be drunk."
"I would rather enjoy a sunshiney day, than be drunk."
"I would rather have a good, productive day, than be drunk."
"I would rather .... than be drunk."

Oprah Winfrey once said after controlling her eating/weight problem, "nothing tastes better than thin." Right now I feel great and "nothing feels better than sober."

Speaking of weight. I joined weight watchers today. Wish me luck. I need to loose 25+ lbs. Gained it all drinking bottles of wine and tons of vodka and Jack.

Thanks for your help. I will stay on this board and report when the monster stirs. I will need a bit of encouragement and I will try to encourage others.

Ama

It is and it waits in a hiding place to pounce when we least expect unless we take precautions every day of our lives.....

You dont have to join weight watchers at all. Concentrate on the sober booze free life and let your body repair. See what your body is like without drink and then in six months when you have some healthy recovery under your belt revisit your weight. 25lbs wont kill you but booze WILL! I know that it will me if I go there again......

I am only six days dry but the boards are helping soo sooooooo much and I have started AA and got a sponser so I am going drown myself in RECOVERY instead of booze.....You take care......Loadsa Luvs Ama

subliminalurge

Be careful about taking on too much at once. I know that for myself, one bad habit at a time is all I can handle. In fact, my sponsor flat out told me that he'd drop me if I tried to quit smoking in my first year.

My advice (which is worth every penny you paid for it. ), would be to focus on the drinking and worry about the weight issues later. I think you might be surprised by what your body starts to do once you quit poisoning it.

makinachange

This weight watchers thing is real good. I stay away from fat and eat good foods like veggies, yogurt, cereal, lots of juice, pasta. You just limit yourself and eat in moderation. It really seems like much more normal eating. Much better than I was eating. I must say that sometimes I wouldn't eat so that I can drink and get a better high. So, no food, no vitamins, just booze. Not a great way to live. Weight watchers teaches you to eat healthy. Much better than that fatty adkins diet boasting low carbs. All that fat is real bad for my poor liver right now.

My second day sober and was scared that the monster was waking up but it was a false alarm. Almost grabbed for a beer and than said no f(&)(&king way. I won't let him win. Feel great today and hope everyone on this board is also feeling good too.

Ama

You are doing GREAT....I reached a week....so tomorrow I will be singing the Beatles - "8 days a Week" so heartening to hear indeed!!!! All my best wishes for you and us all Luvs Ama

Connie

Yea Makin; Yea Ama; Yea Beatles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!