Let go of my "precious" wine
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
Let go of my "precious" wine
Last monday I left the hospital after a 7 day detox (for the, like... 10th time, at least). One of the first things I did afterwards was ridiculous. I bought wine, one 3 liter box (~100 ounces). So basically, I started drinking immideately after a detox. Not the first time that has happened.
I got through two glasses, but before I could even feel anything I started reflecting on how much this destroys me. "What am I doing? What did I promise myself at the hospital as I was turning, tossing, crawling in bed because of the extreme anxiety this leads to? Jumping at the slightest sudden noise, closing the drapes because daylight was too bright for me. Getting nauseous at the sight of food. Pillow drenched in sweats. Legs shaking so bad I could barely walk. Stop it. It's not too late to stop. OR, keep going and you'll be right back at detox within a couple weeks, yet again going through the torture that is withdrawals. Is this a cycle you want to continue?"
What I did was, hand over the remaining wine to my parents who live nearby. Admittedly, it did not take long for me to ask for it back, as I started feeling anxious as the alcohol left my body. However, I was denied. And boy, am I glad! I was scheduled to resume my work initiatives the next day, I wouldn't have made it, as I would have probably drunk the rest of it that Monday and the following day, then buy more as to continue and maintain, and being well on my way to yet another destructive cycle. And I do not function when I'm in the cycle.
Yes, I relapsed, but still, this was a big step for me. I admitted to my parents that I had already started drinking again, and I let go of the wine. I've NEVER done that before. I've showed up to work every day, and it has gone well. It wouldn't have, if I hadn't let go of the wine I "accidentally" bought. Been sober since then. It feels good, and I see it as a triumph!
I got through two glasses, but before I could even feel anything I started reflecting on how much this destroys me. "What am I doing? What did I promise myself at the hospital as I was turning, tossing, crawling in bed because of the extreme anxiety this leads to? Jumping at the slightest sudden noise, closing the drapes because daylight was too bright for me. Getting nauseous at the sight of food. Pillow drenched in sweats. Legs shaking so bad I could barely walk. Stop it. It's not too late to stop. OR, keep going and you'll be right back at detox within a couple weeks, yet again going through the torture that is withdrawals. Is this a cycle you want to continue?"
What I did was, hand over the remaining wine to my parents who live nearby. Admittedly, it did not take long for me to ask for it back, as I started feeling anxious as the alcohol left my body. However, I was denied. And boy, am I glad! I was scheduled to resume my work initiatives the next day, I wouldn't have made it, as I would have probably drunk the rest of it that Monday and the following day, then buy more as to continue and maintain, and being well on my way to yet another destructive cycle. And I do not function when I'm in the cycle.
Yes, I relapsed, but still, this was a big step for me. I admitted to my parents that I had already started drinking again, and I let go of the wine. I've NEVER done that before. I've showed up to work every day, and it has gone well. It wouldn't have, if I hadn't let go of the wine I "accidentally" bought. Been sober since then. It feels good, and I see it as a triumph!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad to hear that you have been able to stay sober Polaroid, I know you've struggled for a long time. I'd agree with Horn's suggestion to get involved in some kind of recovery community/plan. Even coming here to SR on a regular basis could be very beneficial.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
Thanks Horn and Scott. And Yes, I've been at it for way too long.
Looking back, "Time to quit" was the title of my first post on here, 6 years ago. Yeah, I wish I had. The majority of events since then has consisted of binge drinking on a daily basis. The hospital and rehab facilities have a designated revolving door for me, I've lost count of how many times I've been detoxed or been to rehab.
It's become exhausting, inhibited me from making any progress in life, but I think I've finally realized how messed up this really is. It still begs the question if I can do this through sheer willpower. I do have a great support system - and I use it - but in the case I get into the cycle, I disappear, I become unavailable. I isolate and just drink.
That's not going to happen again, I've never been more determined. AA or other support meetings are too far away (hours), but I've been informed by my therapist that they are going to start one up here, in my town, in mid-November. She asked me if I could help by attending. I have social anxiety (the reason I started drinking in the first place), but I need to challenge it, so I'll try to give that a shot.
Looking back, "Time to quit" was the title of my first post on here, 6 years ago. Yeah, I wish I had. The majority of events since then has consisted of binge drinking on a daily basis. The hospital and rehab facilities have a designated revolving door for me, I've lost count of how many times I've been detoxed or been to rehab.
It's become exhausting, inhibited me from making any progress in life, but I think I've finally realized how messed up this really is. It still begs the question if I can do this through sheer willpower. I do have a great support system - and I use it - but in the case I get into the cycle, I disappear, I become unavailable. I isolate and just drink.
That's not going to happen again, I've never been more determined. AA or other support meetings are too far away (hours), but I've been informed by my therapist that they are going to start one up here, in my town, in mid-November. She asked me if I could help by attending. I have social anxiety (the reason I started drinking in the first place), but I need to challenge it, so I'll try to give that a shot.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Carrboro, NC
Posts: 10
I'm also having a hard time going to AA meetings in person. However, I found a website to go to AA meetings. They are offered throughout the day at various times. They are free of charge too. They've really been helping me. Let me know if you would like the name of the website!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Good for you! I too tried to quit many times, but towards the end of this last time, I was thinking, "I don't even like this, what am I even doing?" One thing I did find in sobriety is that my social anxiety was greatly diminished when I stopped drinking...and after 10 months I wouldn't consider myself socially anxious anymore.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I came back from rehab to a wine collection of about 8 cases. I've gradually given it away or served it to guests. After 5 weeks and inpatient rehab, I found that I had absolutely no desire to drink it anymore.
And still don't, although I NEVER could have gone through initial sobriety with several cases of wine in the house,
Such is the power of a mixed method approach to sobriety and a modified AVRT.
And still don't, although I NEVER could have gone through initial sobriety with several cases of wine in the house,
Such is the power of a mixed method approach to sobriety and a modified AVRT.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 963
I'm a wine drinking alcoholic too. Wine is very cunning and deceptive. You feel sophisticated. My excuse was that I need it to go with my food. I lost my job recently because I drank wine every night. Now, I have three days.
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