Hello all. Slipped after 2 years. Frustrated is an understatenent
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 6
Hello all. Slipped after 2 years. Frustrated is an understatenent
Hi all. I decided to have a drink after 2 years sober. I don't exactly know why I'm compelled to write in here but I am feeling the cripling depression. I've done this before and I am straight back to living without alcohol.
I guess I needed to check. I read that falling of the wagon is very common but I'm not prepared to use that as an excuse. Nothing has really changed in my life. I am a fool for doing that again. I am paying the price just now with this feeling of disappointment and general unhappiness with myself. I will get over it in a few days. I will be sober again. Raging 😡
I guess I needed to check. I read that falling of the wagon is very common but I'm not prepared to use that as an excuse. Nothing has really changed in my life. I am a fool for doing that again. I am paying the price just now with this feeling of disappointment and general unhappiness with myself. I will get over it in a few days. I will be sober again. Raging 😡
Welcome Rayzor!
So glad you are here.
Choosing to drink after two years doesn’t erase that sober time, so congrats on that time free of alcohol.
I can tell you have the fortitude to do this again, perhaps maybe explore why you did choose to drink.
I do not have experience in being sober for that long of a period of time and then going back to it, I was only sober three weeks before in 2016, but didn’t think I had a problem back then so it was just a purposeful timed break. What killed me though is that I quit drinking on May first of this year, and then came onboard here on May 10, and my ABF came over about a week later and offered me some wine and I partook. Bam! 10 days daily drinking in a flash. I thought “WTF, this is insane...”
A really good post here to read is a post by member ‘lessgravity’. That member wrote a great post about drinking in moderation. If you can find it, I think it was a good read .
Welcome aboard!
So glad you are here.
Choosing to drink after two years doesn’t erase that sober time, so congrats on that time free of alcohol.
I can tell you have the fortitude to do this again, perhaps maybe explore why you did choose to drink.
I do not have experience in being sober for that long of a period of time and then going back to it, I was only sober three weeks before in 2016, but didn’t think I had a problem back then so it was just a purposeful timed break. What killed me though is that I quit drinking on May first of this year, and then came onboard here on May 10, and my ABF came over about a week later and offered me some wine and I partook. Bam! 10 days daily drinking in a flash. I thought “WTF, this is insane...”
A really good post here to read is a post by member ‘lessgravity’. That member wrote a great post about drinking in moderation. If you can find it, I think it was a good read .
Welcome aboard!
Ray,
I agree that 1 night of drinking doesn't erase sober time, see my signature, but it does crack the armor.
I got away with drinking just a teeny bit 2 times...I might be able moderate.
That is what my av whispers.
Sr offered me feedback to the contrary. I listened to sr.
I am coming up on a personal best in November, seems silly to be chasing sobriety milestones, but I feel deep down all clean addicts do.
My coworker has been clean 15 years. He quit cold turky. No aa or rehab. He sometimes offers offhandedly his sobriety date. I can sense his pride.
Bottom line...booze is a neuro toxin the will weaken us and eventually contribute to an early demise. The brain quickly, if not immediately, craves the alteration for life.
The crave lives in my emotions. I stay sober with analysis. I know better. I don't want my reality to be altered ever again.
I want to live sober.
Thanks.
I agree that 1 night of drinking doesn't erase sober time, see my signature, but it does crack the armor.
I got away with drinking just a teeny bit 2 times...I might be able moderate.
That is what my av whispers.
Sr offered me feedback to the contrary. I listened to sr.
I am coming up on a personal best in November, seems silly to be chasing sobriety milestones, but I feel deep down all clean addicts do.
My coworker has been clean 15 years. He quit cold turky. No aa or rehab. He sometimes offers offhandedly his sobriety date. I can sense his pride.
Bottom line...booze is a neuro toxin the will weaken us and eventually contribute to an early demise. The brain quickly, if not immediately, craves the alteration for life.
The crave lives in my emotions. I stay sober with analysis. I know better. I don't want my reality to be altered ever again.
I want to live sober.
Thanks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 6
Hi Free. Thank you for replying. I will try search out the post when no get time. I tried drinking in moderation for years but found that I would reward myself for 'normal drinking with a little more alcohol. It wasn't long before I was drinking to much, to often again. I'm frustrated with myself right now because I was very proud of 2 years sober. I think that is why I'm so low. I don't miss the alcohol nearly as much as I miss the sobriety. I guess I'm lucky to that extent. A high work load meant I stopped going to the gym and my diet has been affected. Those 2 things alone I will be fixing straight away. They are the key to my wellbeing and as a consequence, my urge to drink was practically non existent. A good diet and exercise are so crucial for me personally.
As to why I drank. Tricky one. I don't really know what flicked that switch. It's still their though, I can feel it. I've done this before and I will do it again. I'm going to force myself to go to the gym for a run.
As to why I drank. Tricky one. I don't really know what flicked that switch. It's still their though, I can feel it. I've done this before and I will do it again. I'm going to force myself to go to the gym for a run.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-drinking.html (Great advice for moderating your drinking)
Ahhhhhhh. Persistence! The key to posting links and the key to freedom from the addiction.
Ahhhhhhh. Persistence! The key to posting links and the key to freedom from the addiction.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 6
Hi D
I'm still having the craving to go get drunk but I am experienced enough now to know that it will fade.
I was drunk when i initially decided enough was enough. I went 2 years without any problem. I am worried now that my determination is eroded. That devil in my head is content at the moment. I will fight it head on with a trip to the shops and a walk down the booze aisle. It's very satisfying to have that urge and not to act on it. Particularly if it's strong in my mind. A show of strength like that that has helped me a lot previously. Im annoyed at the slip but i am going to go straight back to it.
I will build myself up to it of coarse. And my reward will be satisfaction. Satisfaction that I can and will live my life.
I'm not going to say live my life alcohol free. That's not life. Alcohol has no place in my life.
I'm going to live my life.
I'm still having the craving to go get drunk but I am experienced enough now to know that it will fade.
I was drunk when i initially decided enough was enough. I went 2 years without any problem. I am worried now that my determination is eroded. That devil in my head is content at the moment. I will fight it head on with a trip to the shops and a walk down the booze aisle. It's very satisfying to have that urge and not to act on it. Particularly if it's strong in my mind. A show of strength like that that has helped me a lot previously. Im annoyed at the slip but i am going to go straight back to it.
I will build myself up to it of coarse. And my reward will be satisfaction. Satisfaction that I can and will live my life.
I'm not going to say live my life alcohol free. That's not life. Alcohol has no place in my life.
I'm going to live my life.
2 years sober is a tremendous achievement, Rayzorst. Don't be too hard on yourself now if you get help it, get that sober frame of mind feeling going again, the positive healthy groove, and ride it forward into many new fresh years of sobriety.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Hi D
I'm still having the craving to go get drunk but I am experienced enough now to know that it will fade.
I was drunk when i initially decided enough was enough. I went 2 years without any problem. I am worried now that my determination is eroded. That devil in my head is content at the moment. I will fight it head on with a trip to the shops and a walk down the booze aisle. It's very satisfying to have that urge and not to act on it. Particularly if it's strong in my mind. A show of strength like that that has helped me a lot previously. Im annoyed at the slip but i am going to go straight back to it.
I will build myself up to it of coarse. And my reward will be satisfaction. Satisfaction that I can and will live my life.
I'm not going to say live my life alcohol free. That's not life. Alcohol has no place in my life.
I'm going to live my life.
I'm still having the craving to go get drunk but I am experienced enough now to know that it will fade.
I was drunk when i initially decided enough was enough. I went 2 years without any problem. I am worried now that my determination is eroded. That devil in my head is content at the moment. I will fight it head on with a trip to the shops and a walk down the booze aisle. It's very satisfying to have that urge and not to act on it. Particularly if it's strong in my mind. A show of strength like that that has helped me a lot previously. Im annoyed at the slip but i am going to go straight back to it.
I will build myself up to it of coarse. And my reward will be satisfaction. Satisfaction that I can and will live my life.
I'm not going to say live my life alcohol free. That's not life. Alcohol has no place in my life.
I'm going to live my life.
There is lots of information about it here on SR in the secular connections and permanent abstinence subforums.
Here's one of my favorites.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html (AVRT Explained (long))
Sorry to hear that you started up again. That sucks. But learn from it and use it to strengthen your resolve to never touch it again.
I just passed 18 months. I have felt the same temptations. My AV still cackles inside my head from time to time. As much as I want his lies to be true, I call them out immediately and reject them. It would certainly mean a fall if I toyed with any of those whispering.
Stay strong!
Stay strong!
Welcome Rayzorst
falling off the wagon maybe common but obviously its still something to avoid
You'll find a lot of support and good ideas here
why not check out our October support thread - its for anyone quittign this month
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-2-a-2.html
D
falling off the wagon maybe common but obviously its still something to avoid
You'll find a lot of support and good ideas here
why not check out our October support thread - its for anyone quittign this month
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-2-a-2.html
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 6
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I am already past the strongest cravings to drink.
I guess it confirms to me that, although I did not want to drink for that time, I didn't fully appreciate that whether I want to or not, I can't. No harm was done to anything other than my own pride so I guess i am one of the lucky ones. There will be people reading this that are not so fortunate.
Being here is such a huge achievement. Places like this are so important and I'm glad to have found somewhere that gets it. Somewhere I can learn more, because that has been my biggest ally throughout this journey. Knowledge. You all have my very best wishes going forward.
Ray.
I guess it confirms to me that, although I did not want to drink for that time, I didn't fully appreciate that whether I want to or not, I can't. No harm was done to anything other than my own pride so I guess i am one of the lucky ones. There will be people reading this that are not so fortunate.
Being here is such a huge achievement. Places like this are so important and I'm glad to have found somewhere that gets it. Somewhere I can learn more, because that has been my biggest ally throughout this journey. Knowledge. You all have my very best wishes going forward.
Ray.
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