Did I Hear My Name Called??

Old 10-23-2018, 07:26 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
CentralOhioDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Did I Hear My Name Called??

Hello , Friends!!

So, I heard that you guys were asking about me since I disappeared for a while, and then the thread got shut down - sorry about that!! Be it known that I REALLY appreciate the thoughtfulness of you guys and wondering how I'm doing. I finally have a minute at work to sit down and give an update of my goings-on since I last posted sometime who-knows-when.

When I logged in today, I saw lots of new posters here, names I do not recognize. Welcome to you, and I hope you stick around and have an open mind to hear/read the sometimes harsh realities from the 'veterans' who know, and care, so much. The pill is sometimes bitter, but we all come at it from a place of wanting to spare you the kinds of things that we've already endured, and/or still enduring (in my case!). This forum has gotten me through so many ups, and downs over the past 6+ years, I appreciate all of you.

So, on to my home life: since I don't remember where I left things with you all, I'll give a quick recap. Filed for divorce back in January, the week AW was going to be served, her mother died. Even though AW thinks I'm the biggest pr*ck in the universe, I postponed service and let her grieve. Her drinking did not pick up any more than before, but she definitely was even more depressed. I was as supportive as I could be, but after 6 years of this, my compassion level, in regards to her, is almost nil. Obviously, whatever I do is NEVER enough for her, so I'm still the biggest pr*ck in the world.

Late spring came and I began coaching DS8's baseball team, so that kept me VERY busy, and things at work were hectic, so I was in a better place not worrying about AW and her daily antics. I suggested to AW that she see someone about her depression and the unresolved issues with her life growing up ACoA - but naturally she is a special snowflake ad no one understands her or what she's been through or how to help her - anyway, she can handle everything on her own, she doesn't need any help. (sounds like a typical A, right??). One night I heard a thud and I come down and she is face-first on the kitchen floor. The next morning I say something to her and her response is: "I was tired and fell asleep!! Can't I just be f-ing tired without you always getting on my case?" Umm, lots of people get tired, and no one I know has ever face-planted themselves on the kitchen floor! There's that snowflake again!

About a week or so later, she is leaning over the kitchen island passed out, but standing up. Around 9:45 I hear a loud bang, wait about 5 minutes, and go downstairs. She has fallen backwards against the cabinet doors under the sink, out cold. She appeared to be breathing, so I let her be. (Before joining SR, I would have frantically woken her up to check on her, now I let her sorry a$$ lie there). The next morning When I go downstairs, I realize the has busted out the front of the cabinet. I said, "So, what happened there?" She said, "I know you don't give a sh*t about me, but my back, head, and butt hurt!" I said, if it was an 'accident', then I would be concerned, but we both know it wasn't. She called me later in the day and said that she's not handling her mother's death well, and will call her EAP. (To note: as of today, 10/23/18 - I do not believe that has happened). I also gave her our EAP number since she has benefits under my company. Of course, after those bumps wore off, she probably never did any follow up.

Over the past week she is ramping up her drinking again to the tune of 1.5 bottles of wine /night. This, coming on the heels of proclaiming just 3 weeks ago that she was "only going to drink on the weekends, and exercise EVERY day!!" Umm, the exercising lasted less than 2 weeks, and abstaining a full work-week only happened the first week - every week the work-week gets shorter and shorter!! By this week I'm sure no breaks will take place. She even had to suck down a half-bottle of wine before going to the high school football game with me and DS last Friday. I will revisit the whole divorce thing after the first of the year.

So to sum it up - she's still a train wreck, and most likely progressing into a bigger train wreck. The good news is, thru my 'training' here at SR, it doesn't affect me as much as it used to, I can handle things better. The bad part is - living in Ohio and with my SAD kicking in, not sure how I am going to do going forward thru the winter season.

Now, on to me!! Life has been VERY busy both at home and at work, so I have spent no time around this forum, and I need to. In the spring we started baseball, and being the head coach with two worthless assistants, was challenging!! But, we only lost one game during the regular season, and made it to the championship game, which was lost by just two runs!! This happened after having a team with several kids having zero baseball experience, I was proud of them. After the regular season, I was tapped to coach an all-star tournament, of which DS was a part, and then to coach two tournament teams after that! This took me all the way to the end of July. After all of that, I was kinda ready for a break from baseball, which lasted exactly four weeks when we started fall ball! This time I hand-picked two guys who became my assistants, so we had fun and had a pretty successful season based on the fact we had even less talent than I had in the spring!

DS tried out for, and was accepted to, two travel baseball teams for next spring! He could only choose one, and I feel he made the right choice. Oh, and he made a triple play this summer at one of the games! In my many years of life on this earth, I have never seen a triple play at any level, including the pros! And he did it all just on instinct (or good coaching from me over the years!! ) I was proud of him.

We also found out that he was designated as gifted in math, science, and reading just recently. In turn, he is getting additional work and tutoring at school along with some other kids. This was awesome news. I knew he was seeing some special teachers outside of his regular class, but didn't know why. We found out the day of our teacher conference a couple of weeks ago. He's really good kid, dad is VERY proud of who he is, and who he is becoming. He still sings in the church choir, and is now helping younger kids, even though he's only in his second year. He can actually focus when he wants to!!

Anyway, for an Introvert, that was a lot of stuff coming out, but I know some of you have been wondering about me, and that warms my heart. I'll try to stick around more often and keep up with things, but I can't guarantee that - but know I think about, and pray for you guys - daily.

COD

CentralOhioDad is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 08:09 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Hi, I'm one of the newcomers been here since June. Read your post and one thing stood out to me that I'd like to ask about. I too feel my SAD coming on at the moment, do you do anything for it? Each year I say I will but I try to crawl through it.
Glenjo99 is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 08:17 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 57
I take vitamin D for my SAD 5000IU and a Vitamin B12 sublingual. I've also found rescheduling my get up times to doing some cardio early in the morning, taking a little walk at lunch to get sun, and then following an evening workout with about 15-20 minutes in the sauna helps big time. I won't lie that one of the hardest things about this breakup is also dealing with the sudden cold! IN the past I've actually put a countdown to spring on my fridge but now I'm trying to just fill the days up as they are so I'm not letting myself get lost in the weather. It's tough though sometimes - am definitely having a hard time getting moving this am.
fightingfair is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 08:19 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
CentralOhioDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by Glenjo99 View Post
Hi, I'm one of the newcomers been here since June. Read your post and one thing stood out to me that I'd like to ask about. I too feel my SAD coming on at the moment, do you do anything for it? Each year I say I will but I try to crawl through it.
Hi Glenjo,

Last year around Sept. I tried several different anti-depressants, which have sometimes helped in the past. With everything going all last year, I felt I needed something. One made me more tired (which I did NOT need with as much going on as I had), several did nothing for me, and 2 gave me REALLY bad headaches. By then it was January, so I gave up.

A friend uses one of those special lights you can put on your desk at work, he said it helps him a bunch, and he got it off Amazon. I'm considering that.

Hope that maybe helped a bit. Good luck with it.

COD
CentralOhioDad is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 08:24 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
atalose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
So glad to hear from you COD, we’ve missed you!!! I am really proud of the way you have detached from the alcoholic’s behaviors. And it’s so great to hear your son is doing so well in school, that’s great.

You have been good busy and doing for you which is wonderful!! So glad you are back.

I bought daylight -light bulbs for all my lamps and that helped with the SOD.
atalose is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 09:19 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,371
Missed you COD--thanks so much for the update.
Hawkeye13 is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 09:22 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
YAY - you checked in!

Sounds like DS is doing wonderfully & AW is continuing her progression..... how bittersweet. The best part here though is you getting comfortable with detachment & not getting enmeshed in her consequences... that's got to feel good!

I also use the daylight bulbs in my office & love the salt lamps I've added both there & at home. I bought them after having such great experiences in local salt "caves". If you've got something like that around they can be surprisingly helpful. (anything generating negative ions will likely be soothing)

'course, you can all just hop on the Codie Bus & head on down to FL for some sunshine & beach time over the winter too. (I'm semi joking but for reals - a sunshiny-tropical vacation over winter isn't a bad idea if you suffer from SAD)
FireSprite is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 09:29 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
aasharon90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,201
COD ...Im excited to hear about your baseball
fun and how your kids are excelling beautifully.

Good going baseball dad..!!!!!
aasharon90 is online now  
Old 10-23-2018, 09:43 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
trailmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,564
Hi COD! glad you checked in.

trailmix is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 09:50 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
LovePeaceSushi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
Good to hear from you, COD!!! I fell off of here for a while, too, and wondered when I came back what had happened with you and your wife. I'm glad you checked in - - don't be a stranger, now!
LovePeaceSushi is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 10:22 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
COD!!!! I am SO GLAD to hear from you! I am the one who started that thread...whoops lol!!!

It sounds like you and your DS are doing great. What an amazing little man you are raising, he is so lucky to be your son!

I have a friend who has one of those lights you talked about, she swears by it. I hope if you give it a try it works for you as well!

It's really, really good to hear from you friend. Keep taking good care of you and your DS!!!!
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 12:01 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 23
Hi COD!

I'm a Newcomer, as well, but have read your prior posts. As I've said to the other veterans here, thank you for sharing! I wish I wasn't part of this "club", but the support and education here at SR has helped me tremendously.

Oh and I suffer with SAD too...my go to's are essential oils (especially citrus oils), epsom salt baths (the magnesium helps a ton) and working out (there's so much goodness in working up a good sweat).

All the best to you!
Valentia is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 12:27 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
CentralOhioDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by Valentia View Post
I'm a Newcomer, as well, but have read your prior posts. As I've said to the other veterans here, thank you for sharing! I wish I wasn't part of this "club", but the support and education here at SR has helped me tremendously.

All the best to you!
Yes, we grow up wanting to 'fit in' and be a part of something, and then we end up here!! Be careful what you wish for!!

But this place has been a tremendous help over time, though I fully wanted to resist at first!! And resist I did.. I mean, what did these (mostly) women know what "I" was going thru!?!?!? I mean, seriously, I was in a 'special situation', my home life was different. Found out I ain't that special! And was told that over-and-over again!! Sometimes brusquely! But I listened, and I learned.

My AW has a habit of thinking that a toilet is a play to pass out - and she does not deny that she does it, regularly!! No one in their right mind, or even my UN-right mind, would construe this as normal behavior. But she does.

Before I posted today, I looked back and wondered if I had actually made progress in the last 6+ years, and I found I had. I can handle her wacky sh*t better than when I initially came here. Now, I still wake up EVERY night about 60-120 minutes after I go to bed, and my body does that so I can go downstairs and turn off the lights, that way if DS gets up in the middle of the night to go potty, he won't know she's passed out somewhere. In the 'old days', it would have really made me mad that she did that, and then I'd be awake seething for the next 1-2 hours, and then be tired and cranky the next day. Last night she passed out again on the toilet. I woke up at 11:30, went downstairs to turn off lights, found her on the toilet, got my phone and took a pic, turned off the lights, and was back asleep in less than 5 minutes!! Progress!

When she goes into one of her rants, I now can more easily walk away from them, say I'm tired, say whatever, and go to bed and get a good sleep. Someone here (I think it was Sasha1972) said that when someone is verbally berating you, especially an incoherent alkie, to act like they are talking to someone behind you, and not directly at you - because it's their hate at themselves and the world for why they spew venom, it's probably not really you. Or, on most occasions anymore, I get a smirk on my face - realizing that she is extremely pathetic, and I know she's full of it. Although the smirk does ted to set her off even more, but at least I stay calmer throughout.

So, I guess I have made some sort of progress. Now I just need to take the next steps and get me and DS away from her, permanently.

COD
CentralOhioDad is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 01:01 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
trailmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,564
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad View Post
Someone here (I think it was Sasha1972) said that when someone is verbally berating you, especially an incoherent alkie, to act like they are talking to someone behind you, and not directly at you - because it's their hate at themselves and the world for why they spew venom, it's probably not really you.
What an excellent suggestion!
trailmix is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 07:38 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I'm tired and with a migraine at the moment, but wanted to welcome you back, and thanks so much for the update! Warmest of hugs from Kansas!
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 09:30 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad View Post
Hello , Friends!!

So, I heard that you guys were asking about me since I disappeared for a while, and then the thread got shut down - sorry about that!! Be it known that I REALLY appreciate the thoughtfulness of you guys and wondering how I'm doing. I finally have a minute at work to sit down and give an update of my goings-on since I last posted sometime who-knows-when.

When I logged in today, I saw lots of new posters here, names I do not recognize. Welcome to you, and I hope you stick around and have an open mind to hear/read the sometimes harsh realities from the 'veterans' who know, and care, so much. The pill is sometimes bitter, but we all come at it from a place of wanting to spare you the kinds of things that we've already endured, and/or still enduring (in my case!). This forum has gotten me through so many ups, and downs over the past 6+ years, I appreciate all of you.

So, on to my home life: since I don't remember where I left things with you all, I'll give a quick recap. Filed for divorce back in January, the week AW was going to be served, her mother died. Even though AW thinks I'm the biggest pr*ck in the universe, I postponed service and let her grieve. Her drinking did not pick up any more than before, but she definitely was even more depressed. I was as supportive as I could be, but after 6 years of this, my compassion level, in regards to her, is almost nil. Obviously, whatever I do is NEVER enough for her, so I'm still the biggest pr*ck in the world.

Late spring came and I began coaching DS8's baseball team, so that kept me VERY busy, and things at work were hectic, so I was in a better place not worrying about AW and her daily antics. I suggested to AW that she see someone about her depression and the unresolved issues with her life growing up ACoA - but naturally she is a special snowflake ad no one understands her or what she's been through or how to help her - anyway, she can handle everything on her own, she doesn't need any help. (sounds like a typical A, right??). One night I heard a thud and I come down and she is face-first on the kitchen floor. The next morning I say something to her and her response is: "I was tired and fell asleep!! Can't I just be f-ing tired without you always getting on my case?" Umm, lots of people get tired, and no one I know has ever face-planted themselves on the kitchen floor! There's that snowflake again!

About a week or so later, she is leaning over the kitchen island passed out, but standing up. Around 9:45 I hear a loud bang, wait about 5 minutes, and go downstairs. She has fallen backwards against the cabinet doors under the sink, out cold. She appeared to be breathing, so I let her be. (Before joining SR, I would have frantically woken her up to check on her, now I let her sorry a$$ lie there). The next morning When I go downstairs, I realize the has busted out the front of the cabinet. I said, "So, what happened there?" She said, "I know you don't give a sh*t about me, but my back, head, and butt hurt!" I said, if it was an 'accident', then I would be concerned, but we both know it wasn't. She called me later in the day and said that she's not handling her mother's death well, and will call her EAP. (To note: as of today, 10/23/18 - I do not believe that has happened). I also gave her our EAP number since she has benefits under my company. Of course, after those bumps wore off, she probably never did any follow up.

Over the past week she is ramping up her drinking again to the tune of 1.5 bottles of wine /night. This, coming on the heels of proclaiming just 3 weeks ago that she was "only going to drink on the weekends, and exercise EVERY day!!" Umm, the exercising lasted less than 2 weeks, and abstaining a full work-week only happened the first week - every week the work-week gets shorter and shorter!! By this week I'm sure no breaks will take place. She even had to suck down a half-bottle of wine before going to the high school football game with me and DS last Friday. I will revisit the whole divorce thing after the first of the year.

So to sum it up - she's still a train wreck, and most likely progressing into a bigger train wreck. The good news is, thru my 'training' here at SR, it doesn't affect me as much as it used to, I can handle things better. The bad part is - living in Ohio and with my SAD kicking in, not sure how I am going to do going forward thru the winter season.

Now, on to me!! Life has been VERY busy both at home and at work, so I have spent no time around this forum, and I need to. In the spring we started baseball, and being the head coach with two worthless assistants, was challenging!! But, we only lost one game during the regular season, and made it to the championship game, which was lost by just two runs!! This happened after having a team with several kids having zero baseball experience, I was proud of them. After the regular season, I was tapped to coach an all-star tournament, of which DS was a part, and then to coach two tournament teams after that! This took me all the way to the end of July. After all of that, I was kinda ready for a break from baseball, which lasted exactly four weeks when we started fall ball! This time I hand-picked two guys who became my assistants, so we had fun and had a pretty successful season based on the fact we had even less talent than I had in the spring!

DS tried out for, and was accepted to, two travel baseball teams for next spring! He could only choose one, and I feel he made the right choice. Oh, and he made a triple play this summer at one of the games! In my many years of life on this earth, I have never seen a triple play at any level, including the pros! And he did it all just on instinct (or good coaching from me over the years!! ) I was proud of him.

We also found out that he was designated as gifted in math, science, and reading just recently. In turn, he is getting additional work and tutoring at school along with some other kids. This was awesome news. I knew he was seeing some special teachers outside of his regular class, but didn't know why. We found out the day of our teacher conference a couple of weeks ago. He's really good kid, dad is VERY proud of who he is, and who he is becoming. He still sings in the church choir, and is now helping younger kids, even though he's only in his second year. He can actually focus when he wants to!!

Anyway, for an Introvert, that was a lot of stuff coming out, but I know some of you have been wondering about me, and that warms my heart. I'll try to stick around more often and keep up with things, but I can't guarantee that - but know I think about, and pray for you guys - daily.

COD

I know we disagreed in the past as I am trying to fight for my child. See history for what is going on. Beyond that, you have been the parent I follow the most, and I am the alcoholic. It's because we have same aged kids so I felt a kinship. Yet, the moment I made a comment, you were brutal. Where did that fight go?

I'm just curious because my spouse did pull the trigger and I'm in for the fight of my life. Everyone here already knows addiction is so nuanced, etc., and my son is very attached and I've been to rehab, attending AA and I go to therapy. But have some relapses. And now I'm just fighting to put his little head down on his pillow, which can be taken away quickly. It is pure heartbreak.

My child doesn't know yet. He has asked though. We are putting it off as long as possible. My husband is going for full legal/physical custody. I loathe him for it, even though admitting I'm an alcoholic. No support ever and it's not about moving forward for the child, it is about "making your bed, time to sleep in it."

If you are going to divorce her, do it. I got served and told there was 4 years worth of evidence. How awesome to know when I had ZERO support from a spouse on mental illness/addiction, he has a digital timeline of my collapse. Yup, that doesn't already make you a paranoid freak.

Yes, I know this all isn't about me. But sometimes I feel the threads on here forget there is a HUMAN, a ME behind it all.
Babescake is offline  
Old 10-23-2018, 10:02 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
trailmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,564
Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
Yes, I know this all isn't about me. But sometimes I feel the threads on here forget there is a HUMAN, a ME behind it all.
I don't agree with that. I don't think anyone ever loses sight of the people involved here, alcoholics and non-alcoholics alike, or at least it happens rarely.

As has been mentioned before, this is the forum for Family and Friends, what you are going to read here is their hurt, their confusion and their pain and their willingness to try to understand.

You have to respect that.

You don't see F&F of alcoholics storming in to the Newcomers threads or Alcoholics threads demanding to know why they all drink and why they left home for a week on a bender and took the rent money with them. You don't see that because it is disrespectful and mean and shows a total disregard for the pain in their posts where they are trying to get help from others that understand them.

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation but why you feel the need to keep coming in here and starting arguments with people, I have no idea. If you need to vent, do you think this is really the best place for that?

I don't want to hijack this thread so if you want to continue this conversation please feel free to PM me if you would like to.
trailmix is offline  
Old 10-24-2018, 06:07 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am just going to say here that I see MANY people in the addiction forums who stay sober, for their children. They seem to be hanging on by a thread, but they do it. Because they have no other alternative and they know if they screw this up, they lose the child. I am not saying this to be cavalier about it, but you seem to want to skate over that you have "had some relapses."

So let me ask you this, what happens when you relapse, even one time, and the child is there and you put him in danger?? I am not being smart about it, I am asking a genuine question. Children need a stable parent 100% of the time.

It seems to me your husband has likely been done for a very long time. For whatever reason. Now it really is time to move forward and see that your common link is your child. If you put the best interests of that child in front of all of your own issues, you will do the right thing.

I feel empathy for the people suffering with addiction. However, I also see that those same folks chose to have children, which makes the wellbeing of that child #1.

Just my thoughts. I say this all kindly b/c I know it's hurtful and I am truly trying to understand.


Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
I I am trying to fight for my child.

And now I'm just fighting to put his little head down on his pillow, which can be taken away quickly. It is pure heartbreak.

If you are going to divorce her, do it.

Yes, I know this all isn't about me. But sometimes I feel the threads on here forget there is a HUMAN, a ME behind it all.
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 10-24-2018, 06:35 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
dawnrising's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
So happy to hear from you COD!!! Sounds like a lot has happened for you and your DS. Triple play, traveling teams, coaching those are wonderful accomplishments! You are never going to regret all the time and energy you have spent with your son. I hope in all of this business you can find some time and some way to take care of yourself, so you don't burnout.
dawnrising is offline  
Old 10-24-2018, 06:36 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
CentralOhioDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
I am just going to say here that I see MANY people in the addiction forums who stay sober, for their children. They seem to be hanging on by a thread, but they do it. Because they have no other alternative and they know if they screw this up, they lose the child. I am not saying this to be cavalier about it, but you seem to want to skate over that you have "had some relapses."

So let me ask you this, what happens when you relapse, even one time, and the child is there and you put him in danger?? I am not being smart about it, I am asking a genuine question. Children need a stable parent 100% of the time.

It seems to me your husband has likely been done for a very long time. For whatever reason. Now it really is time to move forward and see that your common link is your child. If you put the best interests of that child in front of all of your own issues, you will do the right thing.

I feel empathy for the people suffering with addiction. However, I also see that those same folks chose to have children, which makes the wellbeing of that child #1.

Just my thoughts. I say this all kindly b/c I know it's hurtful and I am truly trying to understand.
Babes:

What hopeful said I am on board with.

I supported my AW over and over again. I cleaned up spilled booze because she couldn't bend over and do it without falling down; I made her coffee in the morning so she could be somewhat coherent to start the day; I tried hugs, talks, marriage counseling; pouring booze down the drain, hiding booze; lying to my child that "Mommy just isn't feeling well today"; spending MY time and energy going to my EAP, giving her the number to our EAP, etc., etc., and the list goes on. And the return on that? $4000 car repair bill when she drove home from a company function completely blacked out and ran into who-knows-what; broken kitchen cabinets; hate spewed at me time after time telling me what a f-ing piece of **** I am. So yes, my support and compassion are done.

"But have some relapses" - and those should be dismissed why? What if one of those relapses involved you getting trashed and knocking over a candle and burning down the house? Is that an "oops"?

Having a child by yourself is hard, I know because I'm the 24/7 parent to my DS. So, don't think that your DH is just trying to 'make you pay' - he's protecting his son, because he is the 24/7 parent, even if that makes DH's life more complicated.

Yes, there is a human behind the alcohol - a human that has the brains, and choice, to STOP drinking. I always got from your messages that you feel you deserve some 'free pass' because of your disease - it doesn't work that way. Many an alcoholic left a wake of destruction, and then comes back and says, "I said I'm trying, so cut me some slack". Sorry, no free passes.

I can't be out of the house past 8:00 at night because the AW is undependable after that point most nights. I've turned down many an invitation to: concerts, football games, basketball games, a late dinner with friends, I've had to turn down overnight trips with friends, or business trips that could enhance my career - all because of this. Where's my free pass? But I know I'm there for my son, soberly, every minute of every day. It wouldn't even cross my mind to get blasted.
CentralOhioDad is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:53 AM.