I Finally Think I am Ready to Leave :-(

Old 11-14-2004, 03:51 PM
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I Finally Think I am Ready to Leave :-(

Hi Everyone, I have been visiting here for awhile deciding on what I should do. I think I have finally decided to leave my AH. We have been married for 2 1/2 years now. He keeps promising to quit but has only once and that was during the first year we were married. He quit drinking for 3 months and everything was great. Christmas eve he decided he could be a social drinker and guess what it hasn't stopped yet. It has gotten to were he pees in the bed at least once a week. Last night he peed in the bed and today I went to my son's soccer game and I guess he drank too much today and peed in it again. I have done Alanon but I don't think it is doing me any good probably because I know as long as he keeps drinking and getting drunk I am not allowed to have my sons here to visit. I don't want them seeing him that way anyway since they think the world of him. My ex wants me to move back in with him and our sons and try again. He wants to know what I find so exciting here with a drunk and a step daughter that hates me and goes out of her way to cause trouble. I tell him I really don't know. I think though it is time for me to go. I just hope I can love my ex again I know he won't put me though the hell I have been going though for the last two years.
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Old 11-14-2004, 04:16 PM
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good for you, if you already have someone who you know will treat you better, do what's better. i've been with my alcoholic/drug addict bf for four years, and beleive me although it can get better, it gets worst. you're sons deserve a father that can be there for them...you'll do only good for you and ur sons if you decide to leave. be strong, although it's hard, you'll get through it. it hasn't been easy for me but i've broken away two months ago and my life is so much nicer and clamer without all that insanity. do what's best for you.

hugs
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Old 11-14-2004, 05:42 PM
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ttigress, good for you! Sounds like you have a plan. I fell out of love with my AH for about 1 1/2 years. He was in a very bad car wreck with our children and i just lost all respect for him which almost turned into hatred. But, i fell in love with him again. Although things are bad for him right now, I did fall in love with him again. So, i hope you can fall in love with your husband again. Sounds like he wants to try again and he is not an addict - big bonus! I just happened to be in the bookstore and there is a book that i can't recommend as I haven't read it, but it may be good for your situation... Good luck in whatever you choose to do. It is titled "Open Hearts"...
i copied and pasted this info from the bookstore...

#6797 Open Hearts

Open Hearts Renewing Relationships With Recovery, Romance & Reality by Patrick Carnes & Mark and Debra Laaser

Have you tried over and over to fix your relationship?

We understand. We know what it's like to struggle with communication, parenting, finances and sex. We also know no situation is hopeless.

In Open Hearts, you'll learn how to:
-Overcome "coupleshame" -Fight fair -Understand your family "epics" -Set healthy boundaries -Break free from the same old battles -Form a spiritual bond -Renew your early passion

Through revealing exercises, honest insight and stories drawn from hundreds of others in the recovery movement, this workbook offers a hopeful path to any couple seeking healthy and fulfilling intimacy.

"Guides us on a tender journey to fulfilling the highest potential of a loving relationship." Claudia Black
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Old 11-14-2004, 11:27 PM
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Tigress, just a thought: what if you spent some time alone, just concentrating on you and your well being for a while?

It sounds like you've made up your mind to leave the A, but you also said you hope you can love your ex again...

If you're able, this could be a great opportunity for you to get to know yourself again, be sure about getting back together with the ex, etc.

All the best,
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Old 11-15-2004, 06:17 AM
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Tigress... I have to agree with Rainy. My first thought on reading your post is why do you have to move in with your ex? You say you hope you can love him again. Is that enough for you or him? Isn't that settling for less? Isn't that a little unfair to both of you?
Have you thought of living alone and working on your issues? Going to Alanon and working the 12 steps for you... not for them. Perhaps getting a counselor so you can learn why you make your choices?
It's scary, I know. But it's so worth it. Please keep posting and let us know how it goes. Big Hugs.
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Old 11-15-2004, 09:55 AM
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Good luck to you in dealing with the scary changes that lie ahead. I don't mean that what you are going to is scarier than what you have been living with, just that change all by itself can be scary. Once you've made the decision and act on it, I'll bet you discover that you've made a positive choice. Imagine a life without all the chaos that goes with alcoholism! What a calm, peaceful existence is possible if you are brave enough to reach out and take it.

Good for you!

SJW
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Old 11-15-2004, 10:01 AM
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i also think that some time to discover yourself would be a good thing, but not knowing the circumstances that may not be realistic. i don't think compromising because your ex wants to try again should be the answer. that wouldn't be good for your boys either, but if you really think it's something you both want then it's your choice.

good luck to you and keep up your recovery!
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