Newme2018

So it's my nephews birthday party this Saturday...all my family and possibly my Mother and sister in law may be there. I messed up big this past weekend to the point my husband will hardly speak a word to me. I doubt he will be attending the party...as some sort of punishment or maybe he's just not in a festive mood. Im dreading this day. I don't want to go but I feel I have to...its my nephew and Godson. I'm dreading everyone asking where he is? I'm dreading seeing my family I let down...and everyone talking about me of finding out what's really going on? I know this may be nothing to worry about compared to the hurt I've caused my hubby....but it does worry me...im dreading Saturday. I don't feel like having a whole party talk about me...or having my mom cry in front of anyone because I've let her down again.

Any thoughts? Just venting..thanks for listening! I hate that ive ruined everything!!! 💔

Anna

Well, it seems to me you have two choices. You could go and give little or no information about your husband not coming and about your drinking issues. You could simply say you're not comfortable discussing the subject and spend the time playing with your nephew. Do you feel that you need to apologize to all for last weekend? If so, make it brief and sincere. Or, you could not go which would relieve the stress and strain at this time, probably help you to remain sober. You could put off dealing with the family members until you feel stronger in your recovery.

Newme2018

Hi Anna thanks for replying and your advice. I just feel the need to apologize to my Mom and Brother whom I've been avoiding all week. I may break out in tears. But I feel I must go...its not his fault or my sister's that I have these issues. And I feel not going might make it more obvious. But man I do wish it wasn't this weekend. Staying sober is not a problem for me this weekend. Guess I gotta face everyone sometime. But you are right...i don't have to explain myself to everyone! Just my immediate family I do since they witnessed my most recent drunken state.

Dee74

whatever you decide I wish you well NewMe

Newme2018

Thank you Dee! ❤

DontRemember

I've found that there was nothing to 'explain' when EVERYONE(except me) already knew the "why".. It's a slap in the 'reality face/ego' for sure,but..what else can you do?... except, take your 'licks' and own up to it/deal/fix with it(me)? It's not going away without work...Just my experience.

Newme2018

So true Don'tRemember! The ego...hard to let it go! How can I have this problem? How can I be an alcoholic? An addict? I have my stuff together for goodness sakes! Lol...sounds so silly! I'm the biggest hippocrite I know...gossipping or judging others I know...their drug use...leaving or losing their children...and yet here I am! However in the back of my mind I did always have sympathy for them.

DontRemember

It's really as 'simple' of never having another drink(booze/drug) again..That's all it is and it's not that bad once I/you/we get past the notion that we 'deserve it'..Off the top of my head; when's the last time you blew a balloon up?..That's really how 'silly' it becomes, with some distance. (no offense meant to people with balloon ocd stuff)..

Guener

Yes, there is a difference between self-esteem and egotistical behavior. I am of the opinion that, for the alcoholic, we all become egomaniacs eventually, or at the least we behave like a narcissist. It's harder to leave the behaviors behind when we believe we have our s*** together. Paradoxically, recovery may require being selfish to the point of laser-like focus upon our recovery, together with a new attention to how we affect others by how we conduct ourselves.

Newme2018

Makes sense! This weekend I believe is the first time I truly didn't feel sorry for myself that I cant have a drink again. I accept I am different. Im wired differently than normal drinkers and well thats ok. Just like someone is lacto intolerant, I am alcoholic...i simply can't have alcohol like they can't have dairy. I've been fighting for so long something that just is and won't change. I know I have alot of work and hard times ahead....but my perspective has shifted just recently and well it puts me at ease a little more. Thanks Don'tremember

Newme2018

So true Guener! I've been so selfish trying to chase my high I've been hurting all those I love in the process. Im looking forward to being the person I was always meant to be without alcohol. And I know I would like the Sober me! Thanks Guener