Walkedon

My daughter spent a month in rehab and was supposed to go to a long term dual diagnosis rehab 90 to 120 days.
Three days in to the program she ran away,caught a ride to a hotel and called me. She is back at my house. She is on meds but hearing voices and showing other signs of delusions.
Thats bad enough but the real problem is she continues to have contact with her former friends. I can't convince her how dangerous this is to her sobriety.
When I say anything to her,she says I dont want to talk about it. Well Truthfully, I dont want to talk about it either. What am I supposed to say? Take your! Meds,grow up. Stop being mentally ill!

atalose

Clearly she is not interested in the help that was provided. Are there any counselors or therapists that you can talk with for YOU and getting help for YOU in how to deal with this.

I have never personally dealt with someone hearing voices or showing signs of delusions, that has to be scary for you and I am so sorry you are facing this.

What kind of boundaries have you set for her in returning to your home?

Walkedon

I do go to counseling every two weeks,which does help. Things change so quickly with my daughter I feel like I am constantly playing catch up.
What kind of boundaries should I be setting.? Suggestions are welcome from any one. I dont give her money,she has to go to her appointments and take her meds.
I am going to get her an apartment because I need her out of my home.I can't breath with her there.

biminiblue

You're getting her an apartment?

How will that work? You pay for it? She does what she wants? Has anyone over that she wants, does drugs there, and you pay for it? If so, that's not a good solution for either of you.

I think I would give her (say) three days to find somewhere else to live or I would pay for a few nights in a hotel. No apartment where you would be responsible for damages and utilities. She checked out of inpatient care - doesn't sound like she's ready to get well.

atalose

Maybe see if you can add some extra counseling session in there and discuss with your therapist a plan to put together some healthy boundaries for yourself.

I agree, I would not pay for an apartment for her at this point in time. She’s really not demonstrated responsibility yet. She left long term rehab after only 3 days, not a good sign she will stay on a good recovery path.

I understand how frustrating this must be for you and how difficult it must feel to keep trying to control her and how she should be living her life.
Have you given any thought to support groups like al-anon, nar-anon, celebrate recovery? There may even be a support group in your area for mental health issues with family members.

Walkedon

I agree I should not rent her an apartment.but...
She was in a pyschward for 30 days and a dual diagnosis for another 30 before being transfered to the long term rehab.
At this time she is sober and trying. I have told her this her last chance with me.

atalose

Maybe one of your boundaries could be in setting a time frame for when she needs to get out on her own, and then stick to that. 3 months? 6 months? She will need a job in order to support herself, so that could be another boundary. She needs to be employed full time by_________. Another boundary could be in paying you rent once she obtains a job, even if it’s only 25 a week, it’s something to keep her accountable and responsible.

She may become too complacent and cozy doing minimal for herself while living off of you.

Walkedon

I had the discussion with my daughter about getting an apartment. When I began to tell her that I would be stopping by when ever I choose to check on her things she became angry.
I don't want to control her,but I do want to protect my financial interest. By her reaction today I feel she is setting her self up to fail.
I guess we will see how this plays out. Everything with her is like a tornado.

atalose

So I take it your discussion was that you would get her an apartment, pay for it with the understanding that you could come and go at will because you are paying for it? Is that right?

On one side I see your position on protecting your financial interest and the simple solution to that is DO NOT PAY FOR AN APARTMENT FOR HER.

On her side I can see how intrusive and controlling that would be and I wouldn’t like it either.

You can’t have it both ways mom, her out of her hair in her own apartment and you trying to control her, it’s never going to work for either of us. It hasn’t this far has it?

suki44883

I agree with atalose. This is not going to work out well for either of you.

Walkedon

I agree it wont work.I know it won't.I agree she haa to do this on her own. There in lies the problem. Telling a person to pick themselves up by their boot straps when they dont have any boots.
I have tried so many things in the past year. I have called the police on her. I have called her probabtion officer.I have had her involuntarily committed. I've taken her voluntarily to the mental hospital.
This is the longest that she has made it sober almost three months now.
I see it all unravelling and I guess I just want to try harder this time.
I know I can't control her. I will back off. Let her go find some boots.

suki44883

She had a chance when she was in the long-term rehab, but she chose to run away. You chose to bring her back into your home. Now, you are both right back where you were. I don't say this as a criticism, I say it to help you see that allowing her to come back was not helping her at all.

Is there any way you can convince her to return to the rehab? She might have a chance to get better; but, if she chooses again to leave early, she needs to understand that you will not allow her to come back to your home.

Do you think this is possible?

Walkedon

I wish she would return to The rehab but she is refusing that. I am hope that her therapist or IOP may be able to get through to her. No matter what I say she refuses.
She will be leaving my home soon. She can't stand to live with me.,the feeling is mutal.

Walkedon

My daughter is doing better. Her antidepressant kicked in and she is so much better. She is finally sleeping at night . She is willingly attending IOP and therapy . She is even joking and socializing with her sister.
She started a part time job today. Hopefully we are moving forward. I'm holding my breath but so far this is different .

suki44883

That is good to hear! Hopefully, she will continue to do better. There is nothing wrong with being cautiously optimistic.

Seren

Hello Walkedon,

I'm glad to hear that there has been some improvement for your daughter. None of this is easy!

I wish my stepson would attend treatment and therapy, but that has not been the case. My late husband and I tried everything, too.

And so I pray...

You and your daughter are in my prayers as well for continued recovery!