SJW

Don't you just get tired of having to "work a program" in order to be married to an alcoholic? I do!

Just feeling a little sorry for myself, I guess. And that won't get me anywhere! I get so disgusted with my husband for his self-inflicted disease.

Just needed to vent.

SJW :mad1:

journeygal

I used to, but that was before I realized I was in recovery for all the wrong reasons. My program has nothing to do with my addict husband. In fact, if anything it's allowed me to see I have choices - I don't have to stay married to him. But for my own sanity and well-being, I do need to keep working on me, whether I'm with him or not. When I stop working on me, I start drifting back into old patterns, and that's defnitely not good for me.

Remember, it's not about your alcoholic, it's all about you.

Gabe

I never get tired of working my program.
It is my lifeline to sanity.
I don't "have" to work a program.
I "want" to work it.

Ann

Yup, me too. My program stopped being about my son a long time ago, although dealing with his addiction and all that goes with it requires my program to be up and running at any given moment.

My program is about me living a healthy life, choosing healthy relationships, and staying balanced when the rug is snatched from under me. It's a spiritual connection with something greater than myself that gets me through most days a better person still learning and still growing.

Hugs
Ann

tootiredmom

heck yes I agree 100%! and yes, it is probably self pitty, but after all the crap I have been through with him... oh I mean without him, cause he was never there, I am angry like you.

Dreamsdeferred

I hear you. I am grateful there is a program out there that understand me. I used to think I was all alone.

StandingStrong

Ah and I are seperated and are headed towards a divorce or dissolution.
Guess what! I'm working the program anyways! Not for him - I'm doing it for me.
Despite if we are together or not, I have come to realize my part in this as well as the damage that was caused to me!
I work the program to have a better life. Not in order to be married to an alcoholic.
So I guess for me it's a little different.

dawn of the day

At times I get tired of working a program, I get feeling "programmed." Then wow I'll get some new insight, a little spurt of growth, a deeper understanding of myself and acceptance of others and I thank God I have a program to work. We humans do that, get "tired" at least I do, so I rest a bit stop going at so hard and let it absorb in then I'm not so tired. Who would have thunk life was going to be so much work?Dawn

Daffodil

When I started working the program I did it for me simply because I thought my alcoholics had died or moved out of my life. I still work the program today FOR me. Little did I know that my H.P. was doing for me when I could not see the future ahead.

Mr. D started drinking in 1990 and continued up until 1 1/2 yrs ago. #1 son has been drinking that long also, but has never even slowed down. Had I not been lead into alanon long before then I can't tell you where I'd be today.

It is amazing to look back at my life and journals today. The one thing I guarantee you is that you will be a healthier person working the program today than you were before. I believe without a sponsor and my journals to remind me where I was, I too would forget just how much I wanted to live a healthy life. I need a disciplined life style to grow spiritually. I also need to be accountable to what my words are with actions.

Are you sure you aren't pushing yourself to hard to "get there".

It's like weeding a garden to me, If I go at the weeds with a rush to get the job done I am sure to miss much of the weeds. If I do it slowly and to the best of my abilities I don't have to go back and do it over again so soon. I don't believe I'll ever graduate simply because each day is a new beginning, a road I've never traveled before. I use to push, rush, study, question everything, I wanted it all and wanted it right now. "EASY DOES IT" is a slogan written just for me. I know I'd rather do it as well as I can the first time knowing that if there is a next time I'll do it even better.

Get tired of working the program? Nope I don't today. It took me 45 years of living loving, and learning to get to the doors of al-anon and I think it will take me that long to get healthy. I do try to explore all my options I can see today and then wait 3 days before I make a decision on what I need to do.

I hope that helps you. I'll bet that if you were to look back before the program and ask yourself "What you were feeling and doing then. You'd see your progress for your self.

Love and prayers from one who cares,

Karivan

Good morning. I work the program because I have issues of my own that don't have anything to do with my AH. My life was a mess and I now realize that I have chosen men who are a mess. It's a codie thing.

I don't want to live in a mess anymore and I don't want to deal with other people's messes. That's why I'm in recovery.

SJW

Thank you all for reminding me of what I already know, but decided to forget, I guess! Working a program is not only about dealing with an alcoholic husband, it's about me choosing how to respond. I really have learned how much better it is for ME when I detach myself from his drinking, but, as you can see, I fall back into feeling sorry for myself.

What I have come to appreciate about Al-Anon and forum boards like this one is that the lessons I learn are about LIFE - not just about alcoholism.

Thanks for reminding me that I get to choose. Your positive responses were just what I needed to kick-start me into motion!

SJW

Magichappens

I get tired and frustrated. I don't know anyone who doesn't. But I am eternally grateful for the tools I have been given in Al-Anon. Whether I was married to an alcoholic or not, I had things that were destructive to me from my past that put me on a self destructive direction in life. Through the Al-Anon program, I have learned how to be ok in my own skin. If I hadn't been married to an alcoholic, I may not have found the gifts that have changed my life.

Alcoholism sucks. But the things in me that drove me to seek out sick people and sick relationships was there, no matter who I was with. So having a program of recovery is a blessing that came out of a curse. Hugs, Magic