Once upon a time....there was alcohol...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 3
Once upon a time....there was alcohol...
Once upon a time. Isn’t that what all girls dream of. That Prince Charming that comes into their life and from that moment on everything Is rainbows and butterflies. I know. Were all laughing at this. We all know this doesn’t exist.
We all prepare ourselves for the normal relationship problems. The toilet seat left up. Not answering texts fast enough. Getting bored. Cheating. Etc.
But we don’t prepare ourselves for the real hard stuff.
I’ve been with my man for 12 years. 12 years I’ve grown to know all his faults and all his weaknesses as he has known mine. And over ten years some of his Demons have gotten worse rather then better.
He’s always drank from the moment I met him. I never thought much of it back then to be honest because we were teenagers and that’s what they did. They had bonfires and they drank too much. But he was different. Over time he just kept drinking. It went from weekends to binge drinking to a couple every day. Then we’d have a fight he’s admit he had a problem and he’d quit for a couple weeks and they would be the best days. Then he’d binge. And he’d binge hard. Then after he felt like **** and we’d fight he’d quit again. Just for the process to repeat. And again. And again and again. I’ve always stood by his side because he’s always been “my person” and I never wanted to face a day without him even if it wasn’t exactly him that day. But times have changed.....
We are expecting. It’s not about my love for my man anymore. It’s not about my devotion to sticking by his side anymore. It’s about this baby that is growing inside of me. That needs two strong parents that would never let it down. That needs stability and trust and love and dedication and everything good in this messed up world.
I thought when I peed on that stick that this would change him. I thought being that he’s always wanted a child that this would make him realize and fix his problem. But I fear that he will never change. That I’m fighting a losing battle and I don’t know how I can take care of a child and myself when I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to smell of beer and stumble in after a binge.
He has never been a violent or mean person when he drank. Never. Hes never physically hurt me and I honestly don’t think he ever would. He’s never been unfaithful that I know of. The hurt I feel is emotional. It’s the constant fear and worrying and wondering and trust and never feeling like I’m enough. Like this man tells me he loves me. He tells me he has a problem. He tells me he needs help. He tells me that this baby means everything to him. He tells me all of this but yet he makes the same mistake.
I wish someone could tell me I’m not alone and understand where my heart is torn.
Sincerely,
Broken Cinderella.
We all prepare ourselves for the normal relationship problems. The toilet seat left up. Not answering texts fast enough. Getting bored. Cheating. Etc.
But we don’t prepare ourselves for the real hard stuff.
I’ve been with my man for 12 years. 12 years I’ve grown to know all his faults and all his weaknesses as he has known mine. And over ten years some of his Demons have gotten worse rather then better.
He’s always drank from the moment I met him. I never thought much of it back then to be honest because we were teenagers and that’s what they did. They had bonfires and they drank too much. But he was different. Over time he just kept drinking. It went from weekends to binge drinking to a couple every day. Then we’d have a fight he’s admit he had a problem and he’d quit for a couple weeks and they would be the best days. Then he’d binge. And he’d binge hard. Then after he felt like **** and we’d fight he’d quit again. Just for the process to repeat. And again. And again and again. I’ve always stood by his side because he’s always been “my person” and I never wanted to face a day without him even if it wasn’t exactly him that day. But times have changed.....
We are expecting. It’s not about my love for my man anymore. It’s not about my devotion to sticking by his side anymore. It’s about this baby that is growing inside of me. That needs two strong parents that would never let it down. That needs stability and trust and love and dedication and everything good in this messed up world.
I thought when I peed on that stick that this would change him. I thought being that he’s always wanted a child that this would make him realize and fix his problem. But I fear that he will never change. That I’m fighting a losing battle and I don’t know how I can take care of a child and myself when I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to smell of beer and stumble in after a binge.
He has never been a violent or mean person when he drank. Never. Hes never physically hurt me and I honestly don’t think he ever would. He’s never been unfaithful that I know of. The hurt I feel is emotional. It’s the constant fear and worrying and wondering and trust and never feeling like I’m enough. Like this man tells me he loves me. He tells me he has a problem. He tells me he needs help. He tells me that this baby means everything to him. He tells me all of this but yet he makes the same mistake.
I wish someone could tell me I’m not alone and understand where my heart is torn.
Sincerely,
Broken Cinderella.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 106
You are not alone!!! I'm crying typing this to you because you are so not alone. There seems to be many of us who are standing by these men , waiting and hoping and doing anything we can to be there for them. Meanwhile they take it all for granted and the "words" never turn into "actions ". I've been with my guy for 6yrs and the cycle is the SAME. He has admitted he needs to get help , but he never gets it, instead he will say things like he is going to cut back on drinking etc , he'll juice for a week and be "healthy", but then it's back to the drunk nights out late at the bar having a good time while I'm at home wondering when he's coming back sick with worry and even more sick when I see how drunk he is. I've heard every excuse and lie. It has emotionally drained me to my core. I told him today I can no longer be there for him. We live together and the life I want with him is just a fantasy in my head. Of course like you mentioned those couple wk when he is sober are some of the best times. Same for me those moments I try to catch and prolong them as much as I can. But then the wknd comes and he's stumbling home drunk or sometimes he doesn't come home at all because he loves to hang out drinking with his buddies. That lifestyle comes first. I come second. I would like to have a child but I don't dare because of his condition. Like you said , you need 2 Strong parents who respect each other and work together as a partnership. That will never exsist when he is drinking. I find myself having to become self righteous and somehow remove myself from this toxic cycle. I want a healthy life with a healthy man. And right now all I've got are wasted years. Please stay strong and keep in mind you have the right to live a meaningful life and feel good and be cared for. Xo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Hi and welcome to SR, so sorry you are in such a painful place but congratulations on your soon to be baby!
You're right, you need to look after your child and bringing a child in to a household with an active alcoholic is harmful to them. The words you said:
"It’s the constant fear and worrying and wondering and trust"
That is how they will feel. When that door opens they will have that same stomach drop you feel and the fear, they will learn to walk on eggshells when he is around. They will worry about what will happen when he gets home and shatters the peace. They will wonder if there will be another fight tonight. They will worry about you if there is a fight.
That's the reality of a home with an alcoholic in it. Unless you want this for your child, you might want to consider a separation until such time as he seeks sobriety and real recovery.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh for a first reply, but it's the truth as I understand it so no use beating around the bush. Please remember, you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's)
Lots of wisdom at SR and I'm sure others will be along as well to reply. We also have an excellent library of threads/posts you might want to look at, found in the stickies section at the top of the forum. This is a good place to start:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
You're right, you need to look after your child and bringing a child in to a household with an active alcoholic is harmful to them. The words you said:
"It’s the constant fear and worrying and wondering and trust"
That is how they will feel. When that door opens they will have that same stomach drop you feel and the fear, they will learn to walk on eggshells when he is around. They will worry about what will happen when he gets home and shatters the peace. They will wonder if there will be another fight tonight. They will worry about you if there is a fight.
That's the reality of a home with an alcoholic in it. Unless you want this for your child, you might want to consider a separation until such time as he seeks sobriety and real recovery.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh for a first reply, but it's the truth as I understand it so no use beating around the bush. Please remember, you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's)
Lots of wisdom at SR and I'm sure others will be along as well to reply. We also have an excellent library of threads/posts you might want to look at, found in the stickies section at the top of the forum. This is a good place to start:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Optimism.....you definitely are not alone. There are, literally, thousands of real life stories, here on this forum....of people who have/are struggling with an alcoholic loved one.
I suggest that you begin reading in the articles that trailmix gave you the link to...there are over 100 excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones. There is sooo much to know. You are going to need to know how alcoholism works, so that you will, realistically, know what you are up against.
Knowledge is power.
You are going to need lots of support....so, I highly suggest that you begin going to alanon….there, you will find people who understand beyond mere words….as they have, also been through it...…
The pattern that you describe, could go on for years...it is not uncommon for many members, here to have gone through this cycle for 10--20--30 or more years, before coming here.....
It will not correct itself.....from now on, because of the little one, your life will have to be based around actions...not mere words. Words are cheap. Anyone can say them...and it is easy to make promises in the heat of the moment...but, without solid intent and action...those words fade like dew in the morning sun....
I know how you feel...I have had three children. Once pregnant, one's life takes a major shift....and life becomes, to a great extent, focused around the best welfare for the child. The best way to care for the child is to care for it's mother.
I don't know how far along you are, in the pregnancy....but, you will need to prepare your support and plans for the birth and the post-partum period....regardless, you need to have the birth and newborn period to focus on your needs...and make this the positive experience that it should be....a good memory to have, forever. Regardless of what your husband does.
I hate to say this, but you may not be able to count on him when the cards are down....alcoholics are notorious for opting out, when you need them the most. ..because they use alcohol to deal with their own emotions.
I once worked in a woman's hospital....and, there were always security guards...The security guards got more calls from the labor and delivery units than any of the other departments. Many of the male partners came to the delivery units, drunk...many, too drunk to be in on the actual delivery.....
I felt so bad for those poor women who ended up going through the delivery, alone....and, I knew what they must be facing, once they went home.....
Best to have a family member or girl friends ready to help you through this process...as a back-up plan...…
I get it that your dreams have centered around two strong parents...but, you may have to make a shift to planning on being a strong single parent, in case your husband does not commit to a life of sobriety...and be willing to invest the time and work that it truly requires.
I suggest that you do not buy into any promises of "cutting down"...as a alcoholic cannot do that, long term...or, any promises to "quit" or "change" once the baby comes.....
Lol...I know this sounds like a motherly lecture...because, it is! There is not a lot of time to work with, now, to face the reality of life....
I suggest that you begin reading in the articles that trailmix gave you the link to...there are over 100 excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones. There is sooo much to know. You are going to need to know how alcoholism works, so that you will, realistically, know what you are up against.
Knowledge is power.
You are going to need lots of support....so, I highly suggest that you begin going to alanon….there, you will find people who understand beyond mere words….as they have, also been through it...…
The pattern that you describe, could go on for years...it is not uncommon for many members, here to have gone through this cycle for 10--20--30 or more years, before coming here.....
It will not correct itself.....from now on, because of the little one, your life will have to be based around actions...not mere words. Words are cheap. Anyone can say them...and it is easy to make promises in the heat of the moment...but, without solid intent and action...those words fade like dew in the morning sun....
I know how you feel...I have had three children. Once pregnant, one's life takes a major shift....and life becomes, to a great extent, focused around the best welfare for the child. The best way to care for the child is to care for it's mother.
I don't know how far along you are, in the pregnancy....but, you will need to prepare your support and plans for the birth and the post-partum period....regardless, you need to have the birth and newborn period to focus on your needs...and make this the positive experience that it should be....a good memory to have, forever. Regardless of what your husband does.
I hate to say this, but you may not be able to count on him when the cards are down....alcoholics are notorious for opting out, when you need them the most. ..because they use alcohol to deal with their own emotions.
I once worked in a woman's hospital....and, there were always security guards...The security guards got more calls from the labor and delivery units than any of the other departments. Many of the male partners came to the delivery units, drunk...many, too drunk to be in on the actual delivery.....
I felt so bad for those poor women who ended up going through the delivery, alone....and, I knew what they must be facing, once they went home.....
Best to have a family member or girl friends ready to help you through this process...as a back-up plan...…
I get it that your dreams have centered around two strong parents...but, you may have to make a shift to planning on being a strong single parent, in case your husband does not commit to a life of sobriety...and be willing to invest the time and work that it truly requires.
I suggest that you do not buy into any promises of "cutting down"...as a alcoholic cannot do that, long term...or, any promises to "quit" or "change" once the baby comes.....
Lol...I know this sounds like a motherly lecture...because, it is! There is not a lot of time to work with, now, to face the reality of life....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by Optimism1234 
Once upon a time. Isn’t that what all girls dream of. That Prince Charming that comes into their life and from that moment on everything Is rainbows and butterflies. I know. Were all laughing at this. We all know this doesn’t exist.
You're right. It doesn't exist. There is no perfect relationship.
We all prepare ourselves for the normal relationship problems. The toilet seat left up. Not answering texts fast enough. Getting bored. Cheating. Etc.
But we don’t prepare ourselves for the real hard stuff.
But we don’t prepare ourselves for the real hard stuff.
I’ve been with my man for 12 years. 12 years I’ve grown to know all his faults and all his weaknesses as he has known mine. And over ten years some of his Demons have gotten worse rather then better.
He’s always drank from the moment I met him. I never thought much of it back then to be honest because we were teenagers and that’s what they did. They had bonfires and they drank too much. But he was different. Over time he just kept drinking. It went from weekends to binge drinking to a couple every day. Then we’d have a fight he’s admit he had a problem and he’d quit for a couple weeks and they would be the best days. Then he’d binge. And he’d binge hard. Then after he felt like **** and we’d fight he’d quit again. Just for the process to repeat. And again. And again and again. I’ve always stood by his side because he’s always been “my person” and I never wanted to face a day without him even if it wasn’t exactly him that day. But times have changed.....
He’s always drank from the moment I met him. I never thought much of it back then to be honest because we were teenagers and that’s what they did. They had bonfires and they drank too much. But he was different. Over time he just kept drinking. It went from weekends to binge drinking to a couple every day. Then we’d have a fight he’s admit he had a problem and he’d quit for a couple weeks and they would be the best days. Then he’d binge. And he’d binge hard. Then after he felt like **** and we’d fight he’d quit again. Just for the process to repeat. And again. And again and again. I’ve always stood by his side because he’s always been “my person” and I never wanted to face a day without him even if it wasn’t exactly him that day. But times have changed.....
We are expecting. It’s not about my love for my man anymore. It’s not about my devotion to sticking by his side anymore. It’s about this baby that is growing inside of me. That needs two strong parents that would never let it down. That needs stability and trust and love and dedication and everything good in this messed up world.
I thought when I peed on that stick that this would change him. I thought being that he’s always wanted a child that this would make him realize and fix his problem. But I fear that he will never change. That I’m fighting a losing battle and I don’t know how I can take care of a child and myself when I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to smell of beer and stumble in after a binge.
He has never been a violent or mean person when he drank. Never. Hes never physically hurt me and I honestly don’t think he ever would. He’s never been unfaithful that I know of. The hurt I feel is emotional. It’s the constant fear and worrying and wondering and trust and never feeling like I’m enough. Like this man tells me he loves me. He tells me he has a problem. He tells me he needs help. He tells me that this baby means everything to him. He tells me all of this but yet he makes the same mistake.
I wish someone could tell me I’m not alone and understand where my heart is torn.
Sincerely,
Broken Cinderella.
I thought when I peed on that stick that this would change him. I thought being that he’s always wanted a child that this would make him realize and fix his problem. But I fear that he will never change. That I’m fighting a losing battle and I don’t know how I can take care of a child and myself when I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to smell of beer and stumble in after a binge.
He has never been a violent or mean person when he drank. Never. Hes never physically hurt me and I honestly don’t think he ever would. He’s never been unfaithful that I know of. The hurt I feel is emotional. It’s the constant fear and worrying and wondering and trust and never feeling like I’m enough. Like this man tells me he loves me. He tells me he has a problem. He tells me he needs help. He tells me that this baby means everything to him. He tells me all of this but yet he makes the same mistake.
I wish someone could tell me I’m not alone and understand where my heart is torn.
Sincerely,
Broken Cinderella.
You're right. It's not about him anymore. It's not even about you anymore. It's about an innocent child that you and he has been blessed with that should be able to depend on the both of you to take care of it. We already know he's OUT! So that leaves you.
Do NOT, ever think that an outside force will fix his drinking problem. Only he will decide if his life has been so completely affected enough by his drinking to stop the madness not for you, not for a baby, a job, <insert whatever you want here> but for HIMSELF.
Until he decides to surrender himself to recovery and makes it his life goal to remain sober every day of his life, he will be an active alcoholic and you will never have your perfect family.
A little advice I'd like to give you... Leave. Pack what you can, go back home to your family if you can or get a place of your own and watch him. He knows you've always been there. So show him what it's like when you're not and do not go back for awhile. Why? Because he needs to show you he's working a program and he can stay sober for a year before you recommit to him and feel secure enough to bring a baby into a home with him. You'll see someone wake the hell up and wonder wth is going on?! He'll find out really quick he needs to get sober or he'll be alone. You do not want to bring a baby into a home with an alcoholic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Amusic
You are not alone!!! I'm crying typing this to you because you are so not alone. There seems to be many of us who are standing by these men , waiting and hoping and doing anything we can to be there for them. Meanwhile they take it all for granted and the "words" never turn into "actions ". I've been with my guy for 6yrs and the cycle is the SAME. He has admitted he needs to get help , but he never gets it, instead he will say things like he is going to cut back on drinking etc , he'll juice for a week and be "healthy", but then it's back to the drunk nights out late at the bar having a good time while I'm at home wondering when he's coming back sick with worry and even more sick when I see how drunk he is. I've heard every excuse and lie. It has emotionally drained me to my core. I told him today I can no longer be there for him. We live together and the life I want with him is just a fantasy in my head. Of course like you mentioned those couple wk when he is sober are some of the best times. Same for me those moments I try to catch and prolong them as much as I can. But then the wknd comes and he's stumbling home drunk or sometimes he doesn't come home at all because he loves to hang out drinking with his buddies. That lifestyle comes first. I come second. I would like to have a child but I don't dare because of his condition. Like you said , you need 2 Strong parents who respect each other and work together as a partnership. That will never exsist when he is drinking. I find myself having to become self righteous and somehow remove myself from this toxic cycle. I want a healthy life with a healthy man. And right now all I've got are wasted years. Please stay strong and keep in mind you have the right to live a meaningful life and feel good and be cared for. Xo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
You're right. It doesn't exist. There is no perfect relationship.
I've fallen in the toilet a time or two... He'd never text me til I left him... Never a dull moment... Cheating was non-existant unless you count him trying to stroke his own ego with FB. lol
Times have changed but he's not changed. Sound right? So why don't you change things up and watch what he does? You'll see someone do a 180 when all you've heard someone do is talk, talk, talk with absolutely no action what so ever. So be that action and watch...
You're right. It's not about him anymore. It's not even about you anymore. It's about an innocent child that you and he has been blessed with that should be able to depend on the both of you to take care of it. We already know he's OUT! So that leaves you.
Do NOT, ever think that an outside force will fix his drinking problem. Only he will decide if his life has been so completely affected enough by his drinking to stop the madness not for you, not for a baby, a job, <insert whatever you want here> but for HIMSELF.
Until he decides to surrender himself to recovery and makes it his life goal to remain sober every day of his life, he will be an active alcoholic and you will never have your perfect family.
A little advice I'd like to give you... Leave. Pack what you can, go back home to your family if you can or get a place of your own and watch him. He knows you've always been there. So show him what it's like when you're not and do not go back for awhile. Why? Because he needs to show you he's working a program and he can stay sober for a year before you recommit to him and feel secure enough to bring a baby into a home with him. You'll see someone wake the hell up and wonder wth is going on?! He'll find out really quick he needs to get sober or he'll be alone. You do not want to bring a baby into a home with an alcoholic.
I've fallen in the toilet a time or two... He'd never text me til I left him... Never a dull moment... Cheating was non-existant unless you count him trying to stroke his own ego with FB. lol
Times have changed but he's not changed. Sound right? So why don't you change things up and watch what he does? You'll see someone do a 180 when all you've heard someone do is talk, talk, talk with absolutely no action what so ever. So be that action and watch...
You're right. It's not about him anymore. It's not even about you anymore. It's about an innocent child that you and he has been blessed with that should be able to depend on the both of you to take care of it. We already know he's OUT! So that leaves you.
Do NOT, ever think that an outside force will fix his drinking problem. Only he will decide if his life has been so completely affected enough by his drinking to stop the madness not for you, not for a baby, a job, <insert whatever you want here> but for HIMSELF.
Until he decides to surrender himself to recovery and makes it his life goal to remain sober every day of his life, he will be an active alcoholic and you will never have your perfect family.
A little advice I'd like to give you... Leave. Pack what you can, go back home to your family if you can or get a place of your own and watch him. He knows you've always been there. So show him what it's like when you're not and do not go back for awhile. Why? Because he needs to show you he's working a program and he can stay sober for a year before you recommit to him and feel secure enough to bring a baby into a home with him. You'll see someone wake the hell up and wonder wth is going on?! He'll find out really quick he needs to get sober or he'll be alone. You do not want to bring a baby into a home with an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 190
But what do I do when this child comes into this world if he doesn’t change.
You will do what needs to be done. People don't really tell you this, but there are two people who enter this world when a woman gives birth: a baby and a momma bear. Momma bears are ferocious. They protect their children above all else, including themselves. They have a newfound strength they didn't even think was possible.
I was with my AXBF for ten, long sordid years. It wasn't until my daughter was born that I finally kicked him out of my life. In fact, I suspect I'd still be with him, still tolerating his insanity, if she had never been born.
For me, the thought of leaving him while I was still pregnant was inconceivable. I understand you wanting to give him a chance to be a good father. You might even want to make a list of all the qualities you're looking for in a co-parent as a way of helping you to assess the situation. It took me less than three months to see that my AXBF was not going to be a good father. In fact, he hasn't been a father by any definition of that word.
For now, take care of you and the little one. You don't have to make any big decisions right away. Just keep your eyes open. All will be revealed.
Big hugs to you. You're not alone.
You will do what needs to be done. People don't really tell you this, but there are two people who enter this world when a woman gives birth: a baby and a momma bear. Momma bears are ferocious. They protect their children above all else, including themselves. They have a newfound strength they didn't even think was possible.
I was with my AXBF for ten, long sordid years. It wasn't until my daughter was born that I finally kicked him out of my life. In fact, I suspect I'd still be with him, still tolerating his insanity, if she had never been born.
For me, the thought of leaving him while I was still pregnant was inconceivable. I understand you wanting to give him a chance to be a good father. You might even want to make a list of all the qualities you're looking for in a co-parent as a way of helping you to assess the situation. It took me less than three months to see that my AXBF was not going to be a good father. In fact, he hasn't been a father by any definition of that word.
For now, take care of you and the little one. You don't have to make any big decisions right away. Just keep your eyes open. All will be revealed.
Big hugs to you. You're not alone.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Optimism.....I get it, that you are so freaked out, right now that you can't absorb all that is being said to you, right now.....that is understandable.....
You ask what to do...If he doesn't change...?
Please go back and re-read my post to you....
Start reading through the 100 articles that was suggested to you....you will find the experience of others who have been in your shoes and it will help to guide you....
I suggested that you start going to alanon, right away....because you are really going to need the support that you will receive there.....
I suggested that you line up help for the labor/delivery and have help for you and the baby ready for the post-partum period. That is essential....you are going to need that!
You can't count on him for this..no matter how many promises he makes right now....he might mean it the minute he says it...but, when the emotions crop up--the alcoholic will always reach for the bottle. They use alcohol to cope with all strong emotions--good ones and bad ones.
I strongly suggest that you talk to your gynecologist...or someone on the staff and ask then to REFER YOU TO A SOCIAL WORKER....one that specializes in pregnancy. Such a social worker will know all of the sources for help for you and the baby....and, there is lots of help that you probably don't even know about. Don't try to hide reality under a bushel....tell your doctor and staff that your husband is an alcoholic and that you will need help for the delivery and post partum period.....
Like I said, I am a medical person and I have worked in a woman's hospital. I saw mothers in your same shoes all of the time.....and, there is lots of help and support, if you will just open up to them..... after all, it is their job to help you and they are dedicated to that....they will not judge you!
You ask what to do...If he doesn't change...?
Please go back and re-read my post to you....
Start reading through the 100 articles that was suggested to you....you will find the experience of others who have been in your shoes and it will help to guide you....
I suggested that you start going to alanon, right away....because you are really going to need the support that you will receive there.....
I suggested that you line up help for the labor/delivery and have help for you and the baby ready for the post-partum period. That is essential....you are going to need that!
You can't count on him for this..no matter how many promises he makes right now....he might mean it the minute he says it...but, when the emotions crop up--the alcoholic will always reach for the bottle. They use alcohol to cope with all strong emotions--good ones and bad ones.
I strongly suggest that you talk to your gynecologist...or someone on the staff and ask then to REFER YOU TO A SOCIAL WORKER....one that specializes in pregnancy. Such a social worker will know all of the sources for help for you and the baby....and, there is lots of help that you probably don't even know about. Don't try to hide reality under a bushel....tell your doctor and staff that your husband is an alcoholic and that you will need help for the delivery and post partum period.....
Like I said, I am a medical person and I have worked in a woman's hospital. I saw mothers in your same shoes all of the time.....and, there is lots of help and support, if you will just open up to them..... after all, it is their job to help you and they are dedicated to that....they will not judge you!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Almost 10 years ago I married an alcoholic who had joint custody of his infant son. We're on his 5th relapse. He stays sober for almost 2 years and then decides he wants to drink "just for 2-3 days" which turn into months until his "crisis" happens (e.g. tumbling down an embankment, waking up after having slept on the side of the interstate). His son's mother recently lost all rights to him due to her drug use. My DAH was in the beginnings of his relapse when the judge terminated her rights. Now he has sole custody...which means I'm a single parent because he's drunk and gone or sleeping off his hangover. My love for this child is what I've said all these years has kept me in the relationship. IMO being a single parent who is technically NOT a single parent is especially exhausting. I don't know where I'm going with this...this post or this relationship.
You aren't alone. There is help and support.
You aren't alone. There is help and support.
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