DAY 1 - Time to appreciated what I have left and to WANT to abstain
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 5
DAY 1 - Time to appreciated what I have left and to WANT to abstain
Hi everyone,
Today is my day 1. I'm determined to do this and I need to have an 'all' approach to recovery. Like lots of other people, I have an 'all or nothing' attitude to everything. I recently shared a meme on Facebook of a light switch with 'completely uninterested' or 'all consumed and wrapped up to the hilt'. That's me. I've never been able to cope with a mediocre approach. To anything.
I had a huge drinking binge yesterday; the best part of a 70cl bottle of high strength vodka I poured down my neck when I had an unexpected gap at work. I spoke to my workplace when I'd been doing this; I obliterated my own reputation in the process. I got kicked off the university campus and my job is now probably in ruins. I then turned nasty with my partner and he drove me back to my county to my parents' place; two counties away from where I've been living with him. He took my set of keys as understandably doesn't want me back unless I'm sober and heading in the right direction. I'm devastated today. I've messed my life up yet again. I am looking to abstain completely for a fortnight then asked to be prescribed Nalprexone and I am also already on Sertraline and would like my dosage increased.
So far, I am hungover from yesterday and cravings haven't kick in for that reason. My partner has agreed to come and see me tomorrow. I love his bones and the thought of not being with him scares me a lot. When I'm with him I'm at my happiest. I already have an acquired brain injury owing to falling down the stairs drunk a year ago. The worst thing I can do with this brain injury is drink.
There is only 1 AA meeting a week in my town, on a Thursday night. Therefore I'll be talking to other alcoholics a lot online.
Thank you for letting me vent.
Today is my day 1. I'm determined to do this and I need to have an 'all' approach to recovery. Like lots of other people, I have an 'all or nothing' attitude to everything. I recently shared a meme on Facebook of a light switch with 'completely uninterested' or 'all consumed and wrapped up to the hilt'. That's me. I've never been able to cope with a mediocre approach. To anything.
I had a huge drinking binge yesterday; the best part of a 70cl bottle of high strength vodka I poured down my neck when I had an unexpected gap at work. I spoke to my workplace when I'd been doing this; I obliterated my own reputation in the process. I got kicked off the university campus and my job is now probably in ruins. I then turned nasty with my partner and he drove me back to my county to my parents' place; two counties away from where I've been living with him. He took my set of keys as understandably doesn't want me back unless I'm sober and heading in the right direction. I'm devastated today. I've messed my life up yet again. I am looking to abstain completely for a fortnight then asked to be prescribed Nalprexone and I am also already on Sertraline and would like my dosage increased.
So far, I am hungover from yesterday and cravings haven't kick in for that reason. My partner has agreed to come and see me tomorrow. I love his bones and the thought of not being with him scares me a lot. When I'm with him I'm at my happiest. I already have an acquired brain injury owing to falling down the stairs drunk a year ago. The worst thing I can do with this brain injury is drink.
There is only 1 AA meeting a week in my town, on a Thursday night. Therefore I'll be talking to other alcoholics a lot online.
Thank you for letting me vent.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome back! I have found reading and posting here daily very helpful. You should join the October 2018 class, you'll be surrounded by others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety.
You can do this!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Good luck startingagain02! This is a great place to get support, to seek answers, or to just vent. Most of us have been through some pretty rotten experiences ourselves, so we aren't likely to judge. Many of us can also relate to the "all or nothing" approach that you describe. That is one of the traits that tends to lead us down a path of addiction, but it also leads many of us to accomplish cool things. You can do this! Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
I’m really sorry to read about your situation. I felt really bad too after my last binge a year ago. One thing that has helped me stay sober has been reading and posting to SR. I also joined one of the monthly classes last year too. I can’t say it’s always been easy but my quality of life has improved so much since I put down the drink and I owe a great deal of my recovery to this site. Best of luck in your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
I'm really glad you're here, too. I can completely relate to the all or nothing mindset, I am very rarely mildly interested in anything: Either completely riveted or bored to tears. 
Recovery is one of those things that you need to be completely committed to, but only the not drinking part. Much to my shock, we actually have to pace ourselves with the rest, and not try to fix everything that's wrong with us all at once. Just don't drink, take care of yourself, rest, and be easy on yourself as much as you can. We're in it with you.
Recovery is one of those things that you need to be completely committed to, but only the not drinking part. Much to my shock, we actually have to pace ourselves with the rest, and not try to fix everything that's wrong with us all at once. Just don't drink, take care of yourself, rest, and be easy on yourself as much as you can. We're in it with you.
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