allishope73

Hello people so making it
No drinking no smoking ciggaretes. After good day and one sleepless night i thought i d sleep as was tired. But only put my head on pillow started full blown panick attack from 12am to 4 18 am as looked at watch. I thought i have heart attack . But consider it might be nit only stress but acute withdrawals or both. Whatever answer managed to sleep after over 3 hours and decided if another night will be the same even for a week i just bear. No point to ask for benzos as they work as alcohol masking so i ll be after to withdraw from them double addiction. Read a bit on anxiety stress and self medicating and alcoholism . The impact on gaba and dopamine system and no way i will mess it up even more. It mist be shattered after last year expieriences and alcohol intake. So sticking here. Day 3 . If i cannot sleep even for months i just bear and wait till body heals. I m cooking for my friend who is struggling with stress and it will give me focus for today to do smthg for others. So she can rest. Anxious but here. Had sweats as well so good body cleaning. As wrote during day was good in countryside. Nights are hard alone in house . It is only day 3 after 3 years binge stop binge stop so what to expect. It is gonna be hard. But clean only coffee i m still drinking ...this one will go as last vice . Just trying to reduce to 3 cups a day. Anybody had such long pannick attack at nights . Thank you. Have all great day

Dee74

Sometimes I cant sleep - not exactly panic attacks but wound up about something or some such - so I empathise.

The dawn seems to bring me back into normality tho - I hope it does for you too allishope

D

allishope73

Hi Dee ...i see .. i am actually good at not thinking at nights but it is above my head. What i do switch to self talk ...saying to myself to withdrawn from other staff focus on recovery. I think about other stressors when strong enough and sober long enough. I will try to do gym cook meet friend. Attend tom appointments and tommorow would be day 4 so hope with every day easier. No seizures no halluscination only pannick attacks and insomnia. I f i ask staff for sleep i know it is not the answer as after i would be to square one with withdrawals from them ...work the same as alcohol so not the way for me. I wish to give time brain to learn new pathways. Thank you for answer. You know that talking to me means a lot when i am alone. It helps thrrefore i always write posts like essays just talking ha ha. God bless . Talking good tool x D

allishope73

i m so sorry to hear there are night you struggle with insomnia . It is a torture. How long have you been sober Dee ? What was most difficult at the beginning. For me not cravings but panick or fatigue. Prepared myself they occur long time in sobriety. Not to be caught again. Made list off all past triggers and possible post acute withdrawals so i know if these come i must do whatever just not to drink. I can do nothing but not drink . And post here .Basically . For beginning. Do not have cigg cravings at all... i think more psychological again stress response. Definitely ciggaretes not made me calmer ahaha only more skint . Thanks Dee. I m putting myself into positive mood even putting make up xxx

Dee74

Been sober since 2007 allishope. The hardest thing at the beginning was the not drinking - I drank for everything...but the more things I did sober, and the more situations I faced the easier it got

The insomnia is more recent - its not always connected to me being wound up - I was trying to empathise with your experience

Happens to some of us with age and chronic pain and many meds...it comes and goes - I can live with it

D

DontRemember

I'm well over my drinking,but just quit cigs and wow!!! It brought back how I felt the first few days when I stopped drinking..I must say..I'm over 2wks now cig free and am sleeping better than ever,so just keep going..it does get easier and better! Just like quiting drinking. I mean...who would think that when we stop intaking posion into our bodies that we feel better? How strange!?! Seriously..keep at it.

Edit: Just like quitting the drink after 3-4days off of cigs, I felt waaayy better.

allishope73

Thank you .Well done for not smoking. I noticed ciggs did not help with sleep pattern as i d smoke even at night being sober. Another stress response behaviour
It was less difficult for me as i was on them only year. Started at 44 when had an alcohol binge. And after smoked even when sober between binges. But its done. I managed to sleep 6 hours. What a relief. And cooked for friend last night. Helped her as she is not a drinker but struggling the same as some of us with life anxiety and deppression. So seeing life is so hard to other people as well make me see my problems shrinking. Day 4 it is . Bring it on X D

allishope73

I see Dee. I do not know chronic pain ... only know pain sometimes but personally for me i can deal easier with pain ..physical as i m still in control . With anxiety i m loosing control freeze and thats how i started vicious circle. You are so right first no drinking as it makes everything easier to bear when sober.

I can only imagine living with chronic pain. Must be very hard to accept. Changes in life might not always be positive . I m dreading aging and physicall not well ... but it is natural and i think we should make the best you we can from situation we are in . Each age and stage happen make it work for us. And you seem to be doing it. Well done for so many years sobriety. And while still living with pain you help others. Its inspiring. When i came home . I was thinking about my friend . I forgot about myself. No panick at night. Grateful. I see red light when i m starting to be self centered diva i hate it. I noticed in stress anger appears as well. Instead of accepting circumstances. Easy said to all.of us. Alcoholics avoid pain any sort ..ironically. drinking brings more pain any sort. Some lucky are blessed to turn life around. Some not. Yesterday i visited with my friend her father lifelong alcoholic age 74. He drunk whole life non stop and drinking now sitting alone at 74 . Never wanted to quit as does not see drinking as problem . So only compassion . We checked if he was ok . I am grateful to be sober today and continue.
God bless yhis day whatever happens . XD

Plure

Yes I know exactly what this is like. My recommendation is to make sure you find a way to get sleep, even if you have to see your doc and get a sleep aid for a month or two. I had really bad anxiety about 4 years ago when going cold turkey and in retrospect had I been able to sleep, recovery would've been much better and more manageable.

I also cut caffeine at that time and again in retrospect should've tapered it down as it's really hard to cut everything all at once!

Hang in there!

Spider

I've struggled with insomnia for years. It is pure evil. However, after my binges I have had days upon days of sleeplessness punctuated by heart palpitations, hallucinations in the form of tracers, and peripheral spots, drenching perspiration, nausea, significantly and perpetual accelerated heart rate, and the shakes. This last year I needed medical detox at least 5 times. For some reason I just couldn't bear them anymore (I've experienced these for about 3 years now). It's bad...what's worse and baffling to me is that every time I pick up now my drinking is on the rails deterministically to drink as much as I can, as fast as I can for up to two weeks...no food, no water...just straight to oblivion. I'm there. Nothing disrupts this pattern and it has really scared me. I have absolutely no control over consumption and the ultimate result. I am about 4 1/2 months clean now and the sleep is better, but not good. I get about an hour of restless sleep until I wake up and am up between 3-4 every morning. It sounds like we drink similarly. I did give myself a pass after the stopped the alc....whatever I could do was ok. Food eluded me for days thereafter....my body would reject water for at least 24 hours....ginger ale too. At about the 30 hour mark, I could begin to tolerate sips of chocolate milk. Rootin for you and thanks for the reminder of where it takes me.

allishope73

Hi thank you x congrats on stopping. I m on day 5 today and yesterday i managed the crisis. I was panicky anxious since morning having meetings . I cried at one calm down had coffee
.. went to lawyer. When got to know my husbands lawyer proposal and that i would have to sell.house myself??? Etc i cried at lawyer saying i do not know is it tursday or christmss as i m struggling with constant panick and lack of safety since split and i said i bear it as i did not want to self medicate anymore. Unloaded . Made plan rest over weekend and check at google how to sell the house without money . I live on 73 pounds ...a week what lasts me for couple of days even when not drinking. Food hair staff toiletries travel . No clothing . When had binges i managed to sell smtg on ebay or do tarot for sb i aleays found money for alcohol miracle ahaha miracle like Jesus changing water in wine. So i left lawyer and bum chest pain ... histeria ... panick .... anger. I had a voice you gonna die of heart attack get some beer. But as i improved my plan and it includes whatever happens : do whatever or do nothing but no drinking. It is more respectful to die from heart attack sober than die as drunk. Got myself to gym . Started breathing as had to when lifting. Calmed down . Talked to people. Came home. Exhausted but sober. Went to bed at 12 ...like Pavlovs dog soon i go to bed automatically panick attack . My brain remembers and panicked already . I bear. I fall asleep eventually. Just woken counted 6 hours sleep . Hurray. Of course stressed soon as brain awoke but managable. Sooo i clearly see anxiety panick is sitiational response to stress. Alcohol made it worse. I numed pain and developed very dangerous pattern drinking on benders as could not stop as anxiety. Vicious circle. But i stopped it is day 5 i carry on . And i do not know how but i ll sell this house . Start new life . Heal from both alcoholism and anxiety panick staff. I learn how to be more independent and hope to develop in myself how to be my best soothing parents. Grateful to wake up sober and not smoking ciggs. Regarding medcine doctors do not have anything for sleep as all staff that works is highly addictive. I got propanalol ahaha its not working for me but at least a bit slows the heart beat so i know i m not gonna have heart attack . Therefore , in recovery keeping on counting days i need to be mindful and adress my anxiety and dependency on husband practical staff as i can yake a lot emotional staff on my chest without a wink . Letters , appointments all the change ... living by myself ..that i never did ..i was always financially secured and could gocusbon work , being wife and planning holidays ahaha. Now learning from scratch how to live. Therefore constant anxiety .. panick ... insomnia does not help . The only way is carry on. I have this site ... good brain when i m calm ...confidence and couple of new friends here. I m not lonely as year ago . Breathe and stand one step after another loke two year old learning walking. Thank you for answer. We can do it xD

Spider

The abrupt removal of alc will have physiological effects. As I posted, I had no option but to seek medical care the last few times. I am no doctor, but I don't need to be one to advise some medical care if you're experiencing severe withdrawal. I can't quite make out if you are...maybe not if you're at the gym. It also sounds like you are faced with some pressing practical matters. I am sorry...big decisions should not be made while so raw. I also didn't understand the nature of your attorney meeting; I have to presume the attorney was working on your behalf. I truly wish you the best with that. Personally, I am not a fan of attorneys, lol...but what is striking is you purged to him/her emotionally. Do you have any resources for mental health/chemical dependency care? If so, I'd urge you to use them. I have found great utility in them and been eased by it's confidentiality. Maybe an AA meeting or other sort? Being here is a good thing, but I'd advise any future consults with an attorney be limited to empirical data. We can do it xD

allishope73

Hi ... lawyer is very good it my husband who decided to be on a power trip and i cried as it s been now years of chronic stress. My doctor says there is no magic pill for nasty divorce and previously for work burn out the advised to rest but at that point my matriage broke ...so no rest ... i know if life calms down i ll be fine ...if stress i always have anxiety such personality. I worked out myself over years and partly accepted it s my genetic make up and learnt how to cope. But in severe stress and life changes anybody would be emotional ...it my wjole life. On positive i went to gym this morning . I sang and danced in the house . I chatted to folks smiled. Did shopping cleaned all windows in the kitchen . Evicted my husband from my brain . It is gonna be hard yo learn all those things he did for me but i will do . I still have brain that functions very well if not panicking. Regarding withdrawals i always did by myself as was refused help. But i know this one was the last . I just know othrrwise i d drink yesterday . Again i reinforced new coping skills to deal with anxiety and brain learnt . I hear what you re saying but believe me i do not know why but i was refused medical assistance. Maybe doctors tought while uti i was still articulate . But i could drink 10 big beer over 3 days bender ...i mean 10 a day from 10 am till 12 pm and smoking packet of fugs and crying . I had a pattern eat at 3 pm and eat at 12 so on empty stomach but not empty. Crazy ... crazy .. i m not gonna self harm.myself like yhat anymore. I value life . It took me a year to digest 15 year old marriage when i was adored like princess well it was partly control but i also controlled him . We just married for wrong reasons but we were unawere. Sad i went ill but he lost it completely power trip ... to destroy me ...and he mistaken
I m only sad we just cannot meet and sit like human do as he is hurt . I damaged his perfect life . I m happy be myself not so perfect . And now gonna do smthg nice for myself and cook super healthy dinner. Love cooking . So thats the short cut of story. A fairy tale that ended badly but maybe it was blessing . Well see in couple of years . Thank you very much for comments . I am very grateful and will be following your posts . We make it x D

Giggler4life

I had that the last time I quit drinking. I found that rolling up a big blanket and hugging/squeezing it to my chest helped. The first night was the worst but it got better from there. I started at day 1 again yesterday and used the blanket trick last night and I fell asleep within an hour. You got this!

DontRemember

With the sale of your home,maybe check agents in your area and see if they offer a Contingency Fee type deal. I know my agent does,but I'm in the US. Basically they charge more than the typical commission,but 'eat' the up front costs on their own. Worth a shot to alleviate some stress on that front.

Spider

Good to read Hope73...keep on keepin on

allishope73

auch sorry to hear you are on day one ... terrible first two three nights ... i m just saying i m end of day 5 and brand new physically .... mentally better and can deal with anxiety better! I mean real life stressors not alcohol with. So i hope you manage and it will be also your last time. I was learning from each lapse and improved plan for good identyfying issues and it seems to work as otherwise i would drink yesterday . I chose to suffer and feel pain and today it s not so intense and i m more respectful to myself . Hang on there x D

allishope73

thanks my lawyer will try to get me property lawyer from government as they know my situation and my lawyer is shocked but case is complicated as we were married in different country but all.property is here... and life but he went for divorce where ee married knowing i was not able to come ...all saga all drama ... i m letting it go ..
When i look at it now it is insane as much as my drinking was ... silly stupid and not necessary .

Giggler4life

Thank you, I'm feeling better all ready.