BlueSkies27

Hi from my pret post your see my X came back on the scene and yes he was an Alcholic and I’d notice he’d srinking had got worse,
So I cut him off I wasn’t nasty just wanted a quiet escape.
Anyways I have some drunken messages which I’ve ignored and some short and polite I’ve recently had a message off his previous ex telling me his dating a 23 year old girl and maybe I should be concerned that he was in contact with my 20 year old daughter, I explained it wasn’t like that and she was no longer on contact with him because of his drinking etc.
She then told me how abusive he was to her something I’d never witnessed myself when i was with him 3 years ago but I had noticed how aggressive and angry had had become as a person hence me no longer having contact with him.
After me explaining we had dates a different man I told her to move on she would be better off as I was and she agreed she was doing that.She then told me that when she was with him he’d told her I had issues Jensen we never worked out and that he’d told this was due to me being rapped ( which did happen when I was very young) I felt angry and hurt that he had told her this and blamed me for his wrong doings on our relationship.
With this building and building inside of. Me the anger I phoned him and he answered and I just let rip at him which I’ve never done I told him some home truths.
Your an Alcholic I screamed you need help it’s not any of the 5 women u constantly put down its you with the issues.
I told him his life was a mess and a joke and that he was fooling himself if he thought he had control over his drinking.
I told him that he destroys any women he meets and has no remorse for how he treats people and his only true love relationship is with alcohol o said some hurtful but truthful stuff as I was so angry.
With all this he started crying which shocked me and saying I’m sorry I’m going to get help
I’m going to speak to someone to get myself better ( all of this I don’t believe at all) and I still never let up on what I said o felt nothing no sympathy nothing for him.
As he had told people something that was so painful to me like it was nothing !!!
I told him never ever to contact me again or my daughter and that I felt sorry for the young girl he was dating as she has no clue what too come. He is 38 she is 23 he has nothing to offer this ooor girl except a life of misery and o told him this
I have never ever been like this with him and I think my days of enabling him are over.
So why am I sitting here feeling so bad as he couldn’t speak as he was so upset.
I don’t feel bad about cutting him off but hearing him cry which I never have really shocked me.

hopeful4

I am a tough old bird, so excuse me while I say this. Talk is cheap, and tears are too. I have seen my XAH bawl his eyes out and talk until he is blue in the face with excuses. Thing is, his behavior, which is what matters, never changed. It was just....cheap talk.

Be strong. You deserve only good in your life, and I hope you recognize that. If someone truly wants help in life, it's out there. It does not have to come from you.

Hugs. I say this all kindly.

BlueSkies27

Hi yes I totally agree i feel
As if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders I really do. As deep down o one whe has a drink problem when we dated 3 years ago ! This site made me realise more about his illness and if it wasn’t for this site I prop wooodnt have walked away I would have remained his friend his enabler because I actually didn’t know I was one until reading on here .
I know he won’t get help and I know it’s all talk. He got worse not better I’m not an angry person but I couldn’t. Help myself just human reaction maybe to saying such hurtful things to someone I once cared and loved just never heard him cry and I was strong enough not to break or to say sorry but human reaction to feel bad maybe

Thank you

trailmix

I suspect you feel bad because you yelled and screamed at another person and they started to cry?

That kind of seems perfectly normal to me.

I'm not saying you were right/wrong or making any judgement here but that probably isn't your normal behavior so it probably makes you feel bad about yourself, rather than bad for him?

It's good he is out of your life now.

Glenjo99

Because as a codependent in an alcoholic relationship one is not used to saying how they feel. It has to always be about them, their feeling, their emotions, their behaviours, their needs, their wants. We learn to stuff our emotions down and not say how WE are feeling and it makes us sick. Sounds like you found your voice, listened to your own need to be heard and said what you felt. Although a lot of people advise not to do this and look after yourself, detach from them, I have to say I have wanted to do it so many times so I kind of admire what you did. That said I also wouldn't fall for tears etc, it can be all part of the act, even if not consciously to him, hopefully he gets help.

BlueSkies27

Thank you ok not a nasty person bit felt pure anger towards him.
I think I was codependent and always hoped things would change when we was together but always thinking after everyone I’ve done for you the picking you up to make you feel better you tell new girlfriends that it was me and not you, and yes o know Alcholics never admit it’s them, it’s always everyone else’s fault.
I feel better today a lot clearer and his blocked on every now.
Hos problem his life his mistakes to make in just glad that my life is a happy one and will continue to be so as for him his life is just on repeat the same mistakes he will make over and over again not my problem anymore.