Pilipili1

Hello everyone.

I was here a number of years ago and managed to stay sober and happy for 3-4 years.

Drinking crept back here and there, I knew it was a dangerous thing to do.
Last weekend a slipped up again and binged: starting out socially but ending up by myself (on purpose) in a few bars.
I fell with my bike and have a nice bump on my forehead and some blue bruises. Could have ended up a lot worse.

Of course I hurt my loved ones who were expecting me back home.
My husband had packed his clothes and left, luckily for me he decided to return the next day and he's still hurt but he's forgiven me.

I'm hating myself at the moment, got to get through those first few days again.
Was having such a great, sober week with lots of excercise I don't know why I have this self sabotaging mechanism but it's there.

My husband proposed to only drink when he's with me, but I know that's also a bad idea. Best thing is to stop completely again so the cravings end as well and I don't have to try and "manage" it.

So this is where I "stand" at the moment, will be joining the October group.

Take care everyone.

RogerD

Hang in there. I think it's probably best for you to stop altogether. You had a few years of sobriety. What helped you stay sober then?

Look at the bright side. You have another opportunity at sobriety. It's all about getting back up and working towards a better you. Take it one day at a time

Nonsensical

Welcome back!

Joining the October Group is a great idea! What else do you think you'll do to help you stay on the sober path?

Pilipili1

Thank you for the kind words Roger,

This site helped tremendously then, so I definitely plan on spending more time here again.
And being grateful of having zero bad feelings due to alcohol and being able to tackle everything with a sane mind.

It also became a way of life, but at the same time the danger is you stop investing in yourself and the ongoing recovery sometimes. So that's something to be on the lookout for.

But like you say, getting back up at the moment and managing this day sober is the priority right now.

Pilipili1

Hi Nonsensical, thanks I have
Considering going back to AA, I've done a few meetings in the past. It feels like a big step again but it's important to get real with myself.

Spider

Sorry you stumbled. Sounds like your perspective is good and you have at least one relationship where you are valued and you value.

GreenSweater

Thanks for your story. I'm glad you only got the bruises instead of worse. Can totally relate to your post. I'm impressed you got 3-4 years sober before this relapse. How did you get that sober time the first go around?

Sunflower79

Yep it is definitely important to get real with yourself! AA helps me with this. Meetings remind me that I do have to be completely honest with myself, it gets me out of my own head and reminds me of where I was when I started. Plus I’ve made some really awesome friends.

Dee74

Welcome back

D

Pilipili1

Absolutely, my husband and my son mean the world to me.

The last time I went sober I was single and in a way that was easier because now my husband does not want to accept (yet) totaly that I'm an alcoholic. Even though he was worried sick when I wasn't coming home. When I told him I signed up on this site he said but you don't have a problem with alcohol, you just get really stuborn sometimes (exactly!!).
The reason he doesn't see it yet is because he doesn't have the same problem and I don't drink everyday, 9/10 I do ok but then the 10th time is a complete disaster.
I try to explain to him that not all alcoholics are drunk 24/7 but I have a problem with alcohol nonetheless or the 10th time wouldn't happen.

ChloeRose63

Maybe your husband needs to get some info on alcoholism. I am glad you are here for support.

Pilipili1

That and the shame , but yes a more unlucky fall and it could have been a lot worse.

I was on this site a lot, posting and reading and I started jogging 2-3 times a week working up until 10k.
Did some AA meetings in the beginning but not that much as I was a single mom with little time off.
Also things got a lot easier after all the firsts a first christmas, a first party. People get used to it and I realised that after a few drinks people only care about themselves and stop asking if you want one lol. And I still had fun and danced, biggest difference once I felt I was tired I would just leave instead of going overboard.

Dreading the firsts again,but have to work my way through.

Also then I realised that a lot of things, like listening to music etc are a lot better without alcohol.

Pilipili1

Yours was the first name I saw on the site again, very comforting Dee.
Thanks for still being here

Pilipili1

Hi ChloeRose,

Thank you.
Great idea, I have to look into that.