Can't break out of orbit....
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Can't break out of orbit....
Hi SR friends,
On Day 2 here again, failed at the last go around. Serial relapser, and then some...
I'm having a hard time figuring out how I really break through the early days of sobriety and make things stick. I try and learn from each experience and adjust as I go. For example, I have found, contrary to some on here, that going to AA meetings actually makes me feel more despondent and want to drink more. Posting here seems to help. "Drawing a line in the sand" and saying no more drinking doesn't seem to work, as when I get to the evening and I am the most depleted from my day, my firewall collapses. I have an action plan, but maybe I need to adjust it. Just trying to sole the mystery...
A few things - strangely enough, over the last week I went to get my two bottles of wine, brought them home, and would find the next morning I only drank one of the two. That is new, and I'll take it as a small victory. I am on Campral now, and I have heard it can help cut down on drinking. But half stopping is not enough.
Staying at home, closely monitoring my nutrition and water intake, taking vitamins, going for a walk and posting here seems to help. But I have to REALLY stay on top of it. Like eat every two hours- and healthy but with protein. Drink water and then double it. Do a five minute mini-meditation and check in every hour - like set my watch. Catch the the AV when it's creeping in. Remember my gratitudes. Go to bed at 7. It works, but man it's work...and I am largely sequestered at home.
One of my triggers is loneliness, so the strategy above seems counter intuitive, but it feels like I need a week of feeling better, THEN I can break out of orbit and do the real work of addressing my underlying reasons WHY I am lonely (self esteem, etc.). I feel in Week 1, even Week 2 I need to just...stay....sober...then I can go get living and work on my triggers.
Other days I feel I need to do the opposite, just get living, screw the rest, immerse myself in humanity and the triggers will evaporate. But, then if I forget the small but critical self care steps (hydrate, be present, eat every two hours for the hypoglycemia, take medication, etc.) I'll be screwed again. Trying to do both just feels overwhelming.
Sorry, I am rambling, making I am making sense to someone? My highs of what could be often get intertwined with the incredible amount of time I spend thinking about, and battling this disease.
On Day 2 here again, failed at the last go around. Serial relapser, and then some...
I'm having a hard time figuring out how I really break through the early days of sobriety and make things stick. I try and learn from each experience and adjust as I go. For example, I have found, contrary to some on here, that going to AA meetings actually makes me feel more despondent and want to drink more. Posting here seems to help. "Drawing a line in the sand" and saying no more drinking doesn't seem to work, as when I get to the evening and I am the most depleted from my day, my firewall collapses. I have an action plan, but maybe I need to adjust it. Just trying to sole the mystery...
A few things - strangely enough, over the last week I went to get my two bottles of wine, brought them home, and would find the next morning I only drank one of the two. That is new, and I'll take it as a small victory. I am on Campral now, and I have heard it can help cut down on drinking. But half stopping is not enough.
Staying at home, closely monitoring my nutrition and water intake, taking vitamins, going for a walk and posting here seems to help. But I have to REALLY stay on top of it. Like eat every two hours- and healthy but with protein. Drink water and then double it. Do a five minute mini-meditation and check in every hour - like set my watch. Catch the the AV when it's creeping in. Remember my gratitudes. Go to bed at 7. It works, but man it's work...and I am largely sequestered at home.
One of my triggers is loneliness, so the strategy above seems counter intuitive, but it feels like I need a week of feeling better, THEN I can break out of orbit and do the real work of addressing my underlying reasons WHY I am lonely (self esteem, etc.). I feel in Week 1, even Week 2 I need to just...stay....sober...then I can go get living and work on my triggers.
Other days I feel I need to do the opposite, just get living, screw the rest, immerse myself in humanity and the triggers will evaporate. But, then if I forget the small but critical self care steps (hydrate, be present, eat every two hours for the hypoglycemia, take medication, etc.) I'll be screwed again. Trying to do both just feels overwhelming.
Sorry, I am rambling, making I am making sense to someone? My highs of what could be often get intertwined with the incredible amount of time I spend thinking about, and battling this disease.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The obsessive and spinning thoughts died down for me - but it takes time.
You sound very much like I felt when I was still drinking and for the first few months of sobriety.
Months.
It takes time and continuous unbroken sobriety.
You sound very much like I felt when I was still drinking and for the first few months of sobriety.
Months.
It takes time and continuous unbroken sobriety.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR 
I have an action plan, but maybe I need to adjust it. Just trying to sole the mystery...
And that in itself is really what a "plan" is - finding ways to face life and face our challenges without hiding in a bottle.
Doesn't matter if AA or SR or Smart or AVRT is part of your plan, or even if you use multiple pieces and parts. What does matter is that at some point in your day a situation is going to come up where you have to choose to deal with it, or drink. And choosing NOT to drink is always an option for everyone - regardless of what type of recovery plan they have.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I could see how AA meetings alone could fuel the thoughts of drink. The key thing for me,and I was 'forced' into AA by the courts,was acceptance and working/implementing the steps into my life in some form or fashion that 'fit' and worked for me. I didn't have a sponsor,ect.. but I had connections and numbers I could/would call if I needed. A few guys still call me occasionally to check in and catch up. Hell..I've even talked a couple guys outta drinking and given them my opinion on whatever they were wanting to drink over/at. For me the main tipping point that I can remember was just accpetance of the fact I can no longer drink and I don't miss it at all really. My entire life has changed for the better with not drinking or hanging around with troubled drinkers. it's 'easier',if you will.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Hi Scott, I have a pretty detailed action plan broken down from 6 months to every week to every day. Spiritual, physical, mental. Daily morning routine, gratitudes, journal, meditation, etc. And I take action on it daily.
The problem is, it's not working. So, that calls for revisiting it and my application of it.
If sobriety is my top priority, what top priorities will keep me sober? That's what I am struggling with.
While we as alcoholics share a lot of common experiences and traits, I also do believe we all have to take into account our own culture, personalities, physiology and other circumstances to find our own right path to sobriety. I just haven't yet found mine.
Do I have blind spots in my approach to this?
Posting here is super helpful- and I am not giving up until I get this!
The problem is, it's not working. So, that calls for revisiting it and my application of it.
If sobriety is my top priority, what top priorities will keep me sober? That's what I am struggling with.
While we as alcoholics share a lot of common experiences and traits, I also do believe we all have to take into account our own culture, personalities, physiology and other circumstances to find our own right path to sobriety. I just haven't yet found mine.
Do I have blind spots in my approach to this?
Posting here is super helpful- and I am not giving up until I get this!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR
Hi Scott, I have a pretty detailed action plan broken down from 6 months to every week to every day. Spiritual, physical, mental. Daily morning routine, gratitudes, journal, meditation, etc. And I take action on it daily.
The problem is, it's not working. So, that calls for revisiting it and my application of it.
If sobriety is my top priority, what top priorities will keep me sober? That's what I am struggling with.
While we as alcoholics share a lot of common experiences and traits, I also do believe we all have to take into account our own culture, personalities, physiology and other circumstances to find our own right path to sobriety. I just haven't yet found mine.
Do I have blind spots in my approach to this?
Posting here is super helpful- and I am not giving up until I get this!
The problem is, it's not working. So, that calls for revisiting it and my application of it.
If sobriety is my top priority, what top priorities will keep me sober? That's what I am struggling with.
While we as alcoholics share a lot of common experiences and traits, I also do believe we all have to take into account our own culture, personalities, physiology and other circumstances to find our own right path to sobriety. I just haven't yet found mine.
Do I have blind spots in my approach to this?
Posting here is super helpful- and I am not giving up until I get this!
On a very fundamental level though, I think one has to accept/acknowledge/surrender/proclaim that drinking any amount of alcohol is not any option - EVER. At least not if you don't want the consequences that come along with it. That's a pretty fundamental element of any recovery program or method, even the ones that are completely self-paced/secular/etc.
On a practical level, think about the evening that you last drank. What part of your plan addresses the urge to drink at night? Do you have a go -to activity that you could choose instead of drinking alcohol? Maybe log on to SR and share about your day and what frustrated you - maybe someone else had the same kind of day. Or if you are still working with AA, call a phone number. Or maybe just take a walk and get some ice cream?
I personally planned out my day to almost OCD like levels so that I never had idle time to let drinking become an option. I had a calendar that had an activity listed for every hour of the day that I was awake - literally. Even if all that was on the list for the hour was "read on sr" or "do the laundry", it was a planned activity that was not drinking alcohol. An idle mind gets us in trouble just like a little child left alone with the cookie jar so to speak!
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I personally planned out my day to almost OCD like levels so that I never had idle time to let drinking become an option. I had a calendar that had an activity listed for every hour of the day that I was awake - literally. Even if all that was on the list for the hour was "read on sr" or "do the laundry", it was a planned activity that was not drinking alcohol. An idle mind gets us in trouble just like a little child left alone with the cookie jar so to speak!
I remember meeting a guy several years ago that had "ADDICT" in big letters tattooed to his arm. I'm not a tattoo kind of guy, but I get it...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I agree with you that we all have to have a plan that works for us and we're not all the same.
For me, an obsessive type, I had to simplify my life. I made a list every morning of things I wanted/needed to accomplish in that day - laundry, making phone calls, going to the library - and I'd cross things off one by one. At the end of the day, I knew I had accomplished something.
Another thing is to be sure to add happy/fun things to your day whenever you can. It might be something as simple as taking your dog for a walk, but it's important to nourish yourself.
For me, an obsessive type, I had to simplify my life. I made a list every morning of things I wanted/needed to accomplish in that day - laundry, making phone calls, going to the library - and I'd cross things off one by one. At the end of the day, I knew I had accomplished something.
Another thing is to be sure to add happy/fun things to your day whenever you can. It might be something as simple as taking your dog for a walk, but it's important to nourish yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
over the last week I went to get my two bottles of wine, brought them home
examine this choice and action. there was a decision to go procure alcohol, some method of transportation to get to the establishment selling the alcohol, putting the alcohol in the cart or basket, going to the check out line, taking the bag holding the alcohol back to your house.
how many opportunities did you have to make a different choice?
sobriety calls for an absolute commitment to not drinking no matter what. it is simply not an option. and we do whatever it takes to uphold that commitment. we do not give ourselves permission to drink under ANY circumstances.
examine this choice and action. there was a decision to go procure alcohol, some method of transportation to get to the establishment selling the alcohol, putting the alcohol in the cart or basket, going to the check out line, taking the bag holding the alcohol back to your house.
how many opportunities did you have to make a different choice?
sobriety calls for an absolute commitment to not drinking no matter what. it is simply not an option. and we do whatever it takes to uphold that commitment. we do not give ourselves permission to drink under ANY circumstances.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
In that sequence, Anvil, several. But once I reach the yes/no tipping point and say yes to the alcohol, there is no resistance to the rest. It’s like the drinking problem “being removed”...in this case the action to drink “being decided”....
I think you said it in your last paragraph- there is commitment AND....some action to uphold the commitment. If 100 percent commitment to NO itself was enough I’d be happily sober now. So for me it’s the AND part I’m working on. I am 100 percent committed to finding the solution that will keep me 100 percent sober and to not giving up.
I am home now, sober as a stone, stocked up on groceries and staying close here...Day 2 coming to a close.
I think you said it in your last paragraph- there is commitment AND....some action to uphold the commitment. If 100 percent commitment to NO itself was enough I’d be happily sober now. So for me it’s the AND part I’m working on. I am 100 percent committed to finding the solution that will keep me 100 percent sober and to not giving up.
I am home now, sober as a stone, stocked up on groceries and staying close here...Day 2 coming to a close.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
You have to really want to be sober, more than you want to drink. Otherwise, any trigger will overcome your resolve.
When feelings of wanting to drink come up (they will), you need to do something different instead: Journal. Walk. Eat junk food. Read.
Treat yourself like you are recovering from a serious and life-threatening illness. Try not to snowball all of your "should dos" and things you "need" to fix into a massive and insurmountable barrier. REST as much as you possibly can.
Tune out all the noise. It is simple (not easy). Just don't drink today.
When feelings of wanting to drink come up (they will), you need to do something different instead: Journal. Walk. Eat junk food. Read.
Treat yourself like you are recovering from a serious and life-threatening illness. Try not to snowball all of your "should dos" and things you "need" to fix into a massive and insurmountable barrier. REST as much as you possibly can.
Tune out all the noise. It is simple (not easy). Just don't drink today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Many people fall for the ideas life will always be this hard - of course its not or no one would sever stay sober and happy.
Your life will be great - but probably not right away...this is the decris from however many years of drinking. It will take you a while to get through - but you will
I think supports really important - if you're not connecting with another alcoholic or addict at least every day, maybe thats something to step up a little?
Your life will be great - but probably not right away...this is the decris from however many years of drinking. It will take you a while to get through - but you will
I think supports really important - if you're not connecting with another alcoholic or addict at least every day, maybe thats something to step up a little?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
When I had finally had enough booze, and I was pretty broken, I gained a completely different view of "craving" and drinking thoughts. "I could drink" would flash through my head, and the unbroken part of my brain would react with, "Are you fccking insane? You could also slam your hand in the door, but why would you?" The negative finally outweighed the (false) positive. It felt like I was craving death and destruction, not comfort and relaxation. And since I'm not completely crazy...
I don't know if that's helpful at all; it's just what made this quit different from all the many, many others I've had in my life. Drinking equals pain, and I'm a big wuss.
Hanging out here was also really helpful, so I know you can do that much! You write very well, and I hope to read more from you...what will you gain from another bottle of wine?
I don't know if that's helpful at all; it's just what made this quit different from all the many, many others I've had in my life. Drinking equals pain, and I'm a big wuss.
Hanging out here was also really helpful, so I know you can do that much! You write very well, and I hope to read more from you...what will you gain from another bottle of wine?
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