kiki26

Today has been crappy. On almost day 19. I’ve been in a funk all day. Depressed crying ect. My husband has been making these blaming comments constantly to me. We are missing a trip to Vegas, obviously I can’t go so new into my sobriety. He got pissed when I asked what we should say, as to why we couldn’t go, he said it’s your fault you have to be like this and we can’t go! Another one about how he has no clue how me whining to people in aa and feeling sorry for myself will help me. Or pissed I dumped alcohol out yesterday that was his, when he could have just put it away from me. I feel like no matter what I do it’s wrong.

I know I ****** up. I did. Bad. I scared my kids. I hit rock bottom. But we decided to try and make this work. And I know I’m only 19 days sober. But I’m teetering on such an emotional ****** state, these comments break me down. I know sobriety is on me. And I’m trying to focus on what I can control. It’s so hard. I’m just struggling.

PhoenixJ

Kiki my prayers and support to you. Please try to remember that we cannot make others change how they feel. A hard lesson for me- as my (now) ex and 2 sons, after 3y still do not talk to me- but my sobriety has to be for me first.

For you- with a partner and family- sobriety obviously is a game changer. Booze will just make everything worse. I know it seems the worst now, but believe me- it is not. Keep up your supports- especially meetings and SR. Part of the difficulty with addictive stuff is only those who have it really have an understanding of it's cruel effects on the user. And frankly- I for my family hope they do never get that understanding.

Remember HALTS (Hungry, angry, lonely, tired/thirsty, sad/stressed- fix it or get help) especially to et and hydrate. Use daily supports- keep in touch with your doc, see a counselor- whatever it takes.

entropy1964

It will get better over time Kiki. Sad fact that we really hurt the people around us. And when we are sober, they get to show us that if that is how they cope. Not helpful, but understandable.

What if your hub goes to Vegas without you?

BlownOne

Don't forget that sometimes threats to our new sobriety can be right in the house with us. There's nothing wrong with putting some distance between yourself and your husband if his only attitude toward you is going to be negative. Belittling someone's approach to recovery (ie his making fun of your activity in aa) isn't helpful. Take some space away from his negativity if you need to. Hugs to you.

Maudcat

Hang in there, kiki.
It gets better.
Good decision avoiding people, places, things early on.
Sounds like your spouse is not very supportive at this time. Sorry for that.
No shame in telling people reasons why you are avoiding the trip, but completely understand that you may want to keep things private just now.
When I first became sober, we went to a friend’s child’s wedding.
I didn’t feel comfortable avoiding it, but I really wish I had had the courage to say no, sorry, won’t be there, because I was miserable watching people drink.
Take care of yourself.

Anna

I'm sorry Kiki. I know how truly miserable things feel in early recovery. You and your husband have decided to try to make things work, which is great. But, he is still feeling resentment. Try to allow him those feelings and focus on you. He will need to stop being negative towards you, but it might take some more time. Take the high ground, hold your head up and be the strong woman that you are.

Atlast9999

Hi Kiki,

My husband did not like that I quit drinking. Boy, did he say and do some hurtful things. I’m rounding four months and things have gotten better, not solved, but better.

I learned that disengaging from him when he started to give me advice or gave back handed compliments was essential for me. I relied on the support from SR, not from him. I don’t discuss my recovery with him because he doesn’t get it. He is still in denial that I am an alcoholic and no amount of my talking will change that for him.

I guess my point is that I had to learn to focus on me in order to succeed in sobriety. Hang in there.