Pinky1

I'm day 3 sober after stringing a few weeks here and there then binging. I'm a mess.

Long story short, I was on annual leave was sober and feeling good. Had a bad argument with my husband so started drinking the rest away of my annual leave away because he refused to speak to me because of me having wine. Arguments are always my fault ( I had the wine after) ( he doesn't understand I can't drink, thinks it's fine weekends but has a rule no drinking in the week)

He's not spoke to me for almost 2 weeks

I was in the supermarket shopping last night and he came in after work and walked straight past me and ignored me. Then did the same when he went past me at the till. ( I tried to say hello)

When I got home I said to him, why ignore me. His relpy I'm not ignoring you I'm not speaking to you there's a difference. I will answer direct questions so that's not ignoring you?

It's killing me being in the house, although he's a workaholic so not there only late evenings but even so I feel the atmosphere all the time

I tried to talk to him last night but he wouldn't even answer just said I think our relationship has run its course.

He's a very hard man, always has been ie: doesn't believe in crying showing emotion etc. If I get upset about things he feels are trivial told to pull myself together

I want to stay sober during this.

Is ignoring me and not speaking to me different?
It's killing me inside just everything

Sorry for the long post

suki44883

In my opinion, it's the same thing. It is also extremely childish. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Please don't drink over it. It won't change anything and will just give him more ammunition to use against you. Hang in there. We are here to support you!

MantaLady

I am sorry for the situation that brings you here pinky. Staying sober is a wise move, it’s not going to help you or the situation so well done for getting to day 3 under difficult circumstances. For me there is no difference between ignoring and just not speaking from what you describe and that kind of behaviour would absolutely infuriate me. I don’t know what to advise you to do, only you can decide if you too feel that it’s time to move on, and if it is start making plans to move out and get your own place. The only thing I can advise is stick with sobriety, you deserve better and it’s not going to help if you drink.

Take care and be kind to yourself xx

Caramel

I'm really sorry it's been that way for you.

Kindest thoughts to you Pinky1

Midwest1981

Don't worry about him Pinky1 and just take care of yourself!! enjoy the quiet.

good job on day 3.

entropy1964

Congrats on 3 days

If he is not speaking to you because of your drinking then, when the ice melts a bit, and you've been sober for a couple of weeks, you should probably speak to him about that specifically. But take this time to figure out what you want to do.

If you're alcoholic then the condition won't improve with continued drinking. Do you want to quit? If so what are you willing to do to stay quit?

Ladysadie

Recognize this for what it is = your husband is emotionally abusive. The "silent treatment" is one of the cruelest forms of abuse. I know, I used to be with a man who dished it out on me and my children. He was a former police officer so he felt like he was always "right", he didn't realize how cruel his treatment of us was. Once I decided to leave (we'd bought property together) he became a babbling idiot, but I had so much resentment built up that, at the point he realized he was losing me, he attempted to change. Too little too late. My children were better off without him in their lives as he never wanted children in the first place (I had been widowed).

So, my advice to you is to read up on Codependency (Melodie Beattie's book is what got me through my breakup) and stay on your sober path. Be clear headed, do not drink at him. Just plan a life without the pain of living with a silent and cruel man. Life is much better without being treated like a dog. Sending you hugs and an abundance of understanding.

ScottFromWI

His behavior is certainly not kind and you can certainly take some time to cool off yourself. Having said that, it sounds like you still haven't accepted your drinking problem if you are drinking "at him" because of an argument. And while it may not seem "fair" for him to be bitter at you because of your drinking - you are still drinking. And it's probably very frustrating for him as well.

None of the problems with your relationship can be addressed until you stop drinking completely so I'd focus on that.

Wastinglife

An ex-gf of mine that I had when I was at university always deployed the 'silent treatment' when she was mad about something. I wouldn't know I had done anything 'wrong' until she started to only give one or two word answers. I loved it when she did this because I would pretend I didn't notice and would go about making plans to go out with my buddies. She couldn't object because she was giving me the 'silent treatment'. I would carry on for days like this until she would eventually snap and desperately track me down. It is juvenile behaviour. Not healthy for an adult relationship.

DontRemember

He's pissed about your drinking habits,so in response to his way of dealing with that is to continue doing what pissed him off in the first place(drinking)...and then question why he's pissed and not talking to you...really? Own your part in this and don't drink at people,places,things. If you want to drink..drink,but don't make excuses for it.

BlownOne

So, you string together a few weeks of sobriety here and there and then go on a binge? I would gently suggest you try to put yourself in his shoes. It's not easy living with an alcoholic. Yes, people do get resentful. And no, the silent treatment is not emotional abuse. For some people, it's the only way they know how to process their frustration and get thru to another person. You can blame him for being a "hard person" and unemotional, but what would he have to say about life with someone who cannot or will not commit to sobriety? I know how I would feel. However, if you truly feel that you simply cannot go on with a man with this type of personality, then maybe it's time to consider moving on with your life without him. There are plenty of relationships out there that just won't work, no matter how much people try. Sending you hugs.

Ambuler

This.

If my husband hadn't stood firm in his boundaries and shown me he wasn't going to engage with an active alcoholic I may not have woken up. It depends on the situation, I guess.

Pinky1

Thank you all for your replies, I have taken them all on board.
I've not drank, he's still ignoring me but I'm not going to drink. I'm just getting ready for a night shift so will be day 5 tomorrow.

Pinky1

This hit home. He's not an easy man but putting myself in his shoes it must have been really hard for him. I get sober a couple or so weeks, he thinks great things are looking up I'm getting my wife back then I binge.
I think my marriage is over but also we have both strived all our lives and were in a good position which my drinking has taken away from BOTH of us

ScottFromWI

Very glad to hear that. Whatever the outcome of your conversation with him, not drinking alcohol is by far the most important thing for you right now. You'll be far better prepared to work on repairing your relationship, and if you cannot reconcile your differences you'll be far better prepared to move on in a different direction.

Finalcall

I make good decisions when i am sober and well slept.
I make not good decisions drunk and tired.