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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
Help
2 days ago I was a happy man living with a beautiful and caring wife, doing what I love, happy for the future.
Then I went to this company party and got blackout drunk. I remember that I did very stupid things, but I dont even have the courage to call someone and ask.
My wife is destroyed, I'm skipping work, emberrased in front of my co-workers sitting at my home almost crying and thinking that this is it, the concequences hit so hard I don't even imagine recovering from this.
I feel really helpless, I can't go through this alone.
By the way, a week ago I started to reduce my anti-depressent madication and all my anxiety and depression came back. Combining this is overwhelming.
Then I went to this company party and got blackout drunk. I remember that I did very stupid things, but I dont even have the courage to call someone and ask.
My wife is destroyed, I'm skipping work, emberrased in front of my co-workers sitting at my home almost crying and thinking that this is it, the concequences hit so hard I don't even imagine recovering from this.
I feel really helpless, I can't go through this alone.
By the way, a week ago I started to reduce my anti-depressent madication and all my anxiety and depression came back. Combining this is overwhelming.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Justin,
I don't know if your tapering off meds with a dr's assistance, it might sound trivial but asking the dr for help while your in the midst of alcoholism really kept me on track accountability wise and doing this ensured i was tapering safely.. make sure you do the taper safely Justin esp with anti depressants friend.
As for the shame & embarrasment that's pretty par for the course i remember days weeks months & years of trembling in fear because every time i drank i was getting worse and it is a deadly spiral for anyone with alcoholism or an addiction.
Up to you Justin but accepting this is the obvious way forward - it's not a bad thing we don't drink there is no shame and embarrasment from waking up sober (Shout out to my friend Least)
Just accept that drinking is so last century & that were way better off sober in recovery
Hang in there and start journalling get your feelings off your chest and on the page that still helps me today
I don't know if your tapering off meds with a dr's assistance, it might sound trivial but asking the dr for help while your in the midst of alcoholism really kept me on track accountability wise and doing this ensured i was tapering safely.. make sure you do the taper safely Justin esp with anti depressants friend.
As for the shame & embarrasment that's pretty par for the course i remember days weeks months & years of trembling in fear because every time i drank i was getting worse and it is a deadly spiral for anyone with alcoholism or an addiction.
Up to you Justin but accepting this is the obvious way forward - it's not a bad thing we don't drink there is no shame and embarrasment from waking up sober (Shout out to my friend Least)
Just accept that drinking is so last century & that were way better off sober in recovery
Hang in there and start journalling get your feelings off your chest and on the page that still helps me today
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I absolutely know how your feeling Justin, I had quite a few mornings where I woke up after a work function and know I drank to much and blacked out and can't remember everything. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, the embarrasment and shame and not wanting to show your face. Wanting the world to stop so you can get off for a bit.
Firstly, like Soberwolf, I hope you are reducing your meds with the support and assistance of your doctor? From your old posts I can see you have been on them for a few years so please do make sure you are doing this with the right support in place. Alcohol is a depressant so drinking whilst taking these meds isn't giving yourself the best chance to be able to manage your depression and anxiety.
By now I think you are aware that drinking is not something you are able to moderate, maybe it's time to give sobriety a try? Did you start going to AA as you had mentioned before?
Firstly, like Soberwolf, I hope you are reducing your meds with the support and assistance of your doctor? From your old posts I can see you have been on them for a few years so please do make sure you are doing this with the right support in place. Alcohol is a depressant so drinking whilst taking these meds isn't giving yourself the best chance to be able to manage your depression and anxiety.
By now I think you are aware that drinking is not something you are able to moderate, maybe it's time to give sobriety a try? Did you start going to AA as you had mentioned before?
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I am not asking about AA to put you on the spot or make you feel bad if you didn't start going so please don't worry that you are being judged. It's just easier to offer advice if we know where you are at in your journey and what has and hasn't worked for you so far. I personally don't do AA but do do the online SMART meetings and they are working well for me. We are all different but we all have one thing in common which is a desire for a better life and to be happy. x
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Justin,
It is total lunacy what booze does to people. Add meds to the mix and it is even worse.
The high from the booze and the meds is stronger than just one or the other...seems obvious.
The detox is stronger.
Normally even tempered, calm, quiet folks can change when under the influence. They can make poor choices..e.g. trying to entice a co worker into a sexual situation at a social function...been there.
Many folks know this...but totally forget when they have had a couple of drinks.
Sr is a great place to be reminded of this.
I quit drinking pretty much well over 3 years ago. I haven't had any issues w flirting with my wife's girlfriends etc since then. My wife really appreciates that.
Of course we all know this, but addiction, we all here likely have it for the rest of our lives, waits patiently for us.
I happily live guarding myself from booze just like I navigate the roads. I enjoy the ride, but i am always wary.
Thanks.
It is total lunacy what booze does to people. Add meds to the mix and it is even worse.
The high from the booze and the meds is stronger than just one or the other...seems obvious.
The detox is stronger.
Normally even tempered, calm, quiet folks can change when under the influence. They can make poor choices..e.g. trying to entice a co worker into a sexual situation at a social function...been there.
Many folks know this...but totally forget when they have had a couple of drinks.
Sr is a great place to be reminded of this.
I quit drinking pretty much well over 3 years ago. I haven't had any issues w flirting with my wife's girlfriends etc since then. My wife really appreciates that.
Of course we all know this, but addiction, we all here likely have it for the rest of our lives, waits patiently for us.
I happily live guarding myself from booze just like I navigate the roads. I enjoy the ride, but i am always wary.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
You can go back to work. I have worked several places where people did embarrassing things and came back to work. Over time, it was forgotten. If you have to, go to management and tell them you need rehab. You would be amazed at how supportive co-workers can be when they know you have a problem and you are working to correct it. Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
Go back to work. Seriously, most if not all, of the people have probably forgotten it already. Unless you sexually harassed someone most people don't really care and you most likely are making a bigger issue out of it than what others are really thinking. I am not trying to minimize this....get help. You can recover from this and move forward if you don't ever do this again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi Justin,
I hope you make the decision to stop drinking completely. Facing the messes we made while drinking is really tough, but it's part o the process of healing and moving forward.
Are you following doctor's orders to reduce your antidepressant? I hope so. And, I would suggest you speak to him and explain how you are feeling at the moment.
I hope you make the decision to stop drinking completely. Facing the messes we made while drinking is really tough, but it's part o the process of healing and moving forward.
Are you following doctor's orders to reduce your antidepressant? I hope so. And, I would suggest you speak to him and explain how you are feeling at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I have done many regrettable things while in the company of co-workers over the years. With different employers. I have also witnessed co-workers behave inappropriately after too much to drink. I think people generally are understanding about stupid drunk stuff at office parties as long as a certain line wasn't crossed. If you told your boss off using a bunch of expletives or inappropriately touched a female staff member, that is different. But just being drunk and silly is easily forgotten I find. I think you should just face the music and apologize. Otherwise, it will eat you up inside
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
Hi Justin,
I'm glad you are here and sober today. I have found in the past that the anxiety caused by avoiding something was much worse than facing up to whatever it was and moving forward.
Talk to your wife, and let her know your plan for moving forward. Talk to a coworker you are close with about that night so you know what you may need to deal with when you go back to work.
Make sure you are on the right medication, and definitely don't drink while taking it.
Head back to work and focus on whatever needs to b done that day.
Check in here often, it really does help.
You've got this!
I'm glad you are here and sober today. I have found in the past that the anxiety caused by avoiding something was much worse than facing up to whatever it was and moving forward.
Talk to your wife, and let her know your plan for moving forward. Talk to a coworker you are close with about that night so you know what you may need to deal with when you go back to work.
Make sure you are on the right medication, and definitely don't drink while taking it.
Head back to work and focus on whatever needs to b done that day.
Check in here often, it really does help.
You've got this!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,345
Some great advice here Justin - do go back to work - you're not the first person to drink too much at a work function.
Do see your Dr about your meds - not medicating can be as dangerous as self medicating.
I hope you'll work things out with your wife too. I wouldn;t just only talk about what happened - I'd be making some serious plans and active inroads into getting whatever help you can to make sure it never happens again.
You need never feel this way again man - go for it - make changes now - don't look back
D
Do see your Dr about your meds - not medicating can be as dangerous as self medicating.
I hope you'll work things out with your wife too. I wouldn;t just only talk about what happened - I'd be making some serious plans and active inroads into getting whatever help you can to make sure it never happens again.
You need never feel this way again man - go for it - make changes now - don't look back
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
I felt relief from reading your supportive advices. I very much appreciate you hanging in with me.
I talked with my wife and she did understand and support me. She knows my past and still has some faith that all of this can be controlled. Knowing that I got strenght to fight with my alcoholism.
I'm working from home today and will go back to work on Monday. I don't have any physical withdrawal anymore, but the thing is with me that whenever I drink I get mentally wrecked for minimum 4 days. I'm shaking out of anxiety, sobbing, can't focus, ,depressed, unsocial.
I decided to do whatever it takes to be sober. I will be updating my journey here.
The one thing I don't understand why I drink the same amount of alcohol as others and get blackout drunk and then I'm not controling myself. I act if it's not a reality. All my though process is turned off. I just act on pure impullse.
You know that feeling when you are having a nightmare, something really bad happened in your dream and you wake up still thinking it happened for 5-10seconds. This short period of time is pure agony until you recognize it was all a dream. When I woke up I felt the same, but it was real.
Day 2.
I talked with my wife and she did understand and support me. She knows my past and still has some faith that all of this can be controlled. Knowing that I got strenght to fight with my alcoholism.
I'm working from home today and will go back to work on Monday. I don't have any physical withdrawal anymore, but the thing is with me that whenever I drink I get mentally wrecked for minimum 4 days. I'm shaking out of anxiety, sobbing, can't focus, ,depressed, unsocial.
I decided to do whatever it takes to be sober. I will be updating my journey here.
The one thing I don't understand why I drink the same amount of alcohol as others and get blackout drunk and then I'm not controling myself. I act if it's not a reality. All my though process is turned off. I just act on pure impullse.
You know that feeling when you are having a nightmare, something really bad happened in your dream and you wake up still thinking it happened for 5-10seconds. This short period of time is pure agony until you recognize it was all a dream. When I woke up I felt the same, but it was real.
Day 2.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Ugh. My first “proper” company x-mas party with a large swanky firm went sideways on me as a result of drinking. I ended up kissing one of my coworkers fiancés (although nobody saw this), and get this - got into a fist fight with my best friend at the company and caused over $1,200 in property damage to the facility bathroom (ripped a bathroom door off the hinges... smashed a mirror) and then kept trying to get in cabs with random coworkers to go home with them (because I didn’t know where I lived I was so drunk). I woke up on one of their couches with no idea where I was, the lady was a stranger to me.
I was horrified and didn’t even find out about the bathroom incident until I went back to work on Monday. But they didn’t fire me. People talked for a little while but apparently a lot of people over did it and were probably concerned about their own actions (though not as severe as mine!) and it was forgotten/things were back to normal by the end of the week.
There may have been some judgement but ultimately I was a hard worker and asset to the firm so no action was taken. I didn’t even get spoken to or called aside. Apparently others had done things almost as bad in previous years.
You can get through this - but the only way is to go in and show up so you can get to the other side!!! I would think that not showing up may give more reason to talk and make it harder for you to go back. Bite the bullet. And we will be here for you to deal with the feelings and anything that comes next!
I was horrified and didn’t even find out about the bathroom incident until I went back to work on Monday. But they didn’t fire me. People talked for a little while but apparently a lot of people over did it and were probably concerned about their own actions (though not as severe as mine!) and it was forgotten/things were back to normal by the end of the week.
There may have been some judgement but ultimately I was a hard worker and asset to the firm so no action was taken. I didn’t even get spoken to or called aside. Apparently others had done things almost as bad in previous years.
You can get through this - but the only way is to go in and show up so you can get to the other side!!! I would think that not showing up may give more reason to talk and make it harder for you to go back. Bite the bullet. And we will be here for you to deal with the feelings and anything that comes next!
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by Justin00 
The one thing I don't understand why I drink the same amount of alcohol as others and get blackout drunk and then I'm not controling myself. I act if it's not a reality. All my though process is turned off. I just act on pure impullse
Day 2.
Your body is different than “other people” and there is no way to change that. you cannot drink like others and you cannot moderate your drinking. i cannot either. i cannot have a few drinks, i just keep going.
the remorse will continue and you will destroy your relationship and maybe your job if you contine drinking. you need more proof? just read some of the stories here.
you are not giving up anything by not drinking. it is not a reward, it is not a privelage. it is a dead end and a lie. do not buy into how great things will be and so much more fun drinking. it isn’t true.
good luck on your journey. it really is easier just to never drink again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 17
Hello, Justin! This is my first post on SR but I hope I can add to all the other great advice you’ve received.
I have done exactly the same thing. I once attended a work Xmas do as a newly promoted manager and I was so nervous before going because I knew I would have to make so much polite conversation. When I arrived, I noticed a table literally filled with bottles of red/white and pink wine for people to just help themselves to. I grabbed a bottle of white and honestly I remember nothing after the first 2 glasses. I must have had shed loads. Blacked out, my boss had to call my boyfriend and get him to collect me.
I honestly thought I could never face work again. I had flashbacks and they weren’t pretty. I went back into work and brazened it out. I’m so glad I did that. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
However, I DID start drinking after that. I didn’t learn. That was probably 15 years ago and I have had many more hideous, depressing, anxiety inducing episodes since then. I’ve been sober for 19 days. It’s early days for me, but boy do I wish I had stopped there and then - 15 years ago.
Sending u hugs
I have done exactly the same thing. I once attended a work Xmas do as a newly promoted manager and I was so nervous before going because I knew I would have to make so much polite conversation. When I arrived, I noticed a table literally filled with bottles of red/white and pink wine for people to just help themselves to. I grabbed a bottle of white and honestly I remember nothing after the first 2 glasses. I must have had shed loads. Blacked out, my boss had to call my boyfriend and get him to collect me.
I honestly thought I could never face work again. I had flashbacks and they weren’t pretty. I went back into work and brazened it out. I’m so glad I did that. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
However, I DID start drinking after that. I didn’t learn. That was probably 15 years ago and I have had many more hideous, depressing, anxiety inducing episodes since then. I’ve been sober for 19 days. It’s early days for me, but boy do I wish I had stopped there and then - 15 years ago.
Sending u hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,962
Justin, Be easy on yourself. We’ve all done stupid things drinking at work and other functions. Make a commitment to yourself to never drink again. Life is hard enough without alcohol. Why make it worse?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,962
Originally Posted by Tarpaulin
Hello, Justin! This is my first post on SR but I hope I can add to all the other great advice you’ve received.
I have done exactly the same thing. I once attended a work Xmas do as a newly promoted manager and I was so nervous before going because I knew I would have to make so much polite conversation. When I arrived, I noticed a table literally filled with bottles of red/white and pink wine for people to just help themselves to. I grabbed a bottle of white and honestly I remember nothing after the first 2 glasses. I must have had shed loads. Blacked out, my boss had to call my boyfriend and get him to collect me.
I honestly thought I could never face work again. I had flashbacks and they weren’t pretty. I went back into work and brazened it out. I’m so glad I did that. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
However, I DID start drinking after that. I didn’t learn. That was probably 15 years ago and I have had many more hideous, depressing, anxiety inducing episodes since then. I’ve been sober for 19 days. It’s early days for me, but boy do I wish I had stopped there and then - 15 years ago.
Sending u hugs
I have done exactly the same thing. I once attended a work Xmas do as a newly promoted manager and I was so nervous before going because I knew I would have to make so much polite conversation. When I arrived, I noticed a table literally filled with bottles of red/white and pink wine for people to just help themselves to. I grabbed a bottle of white and honestly I remember nothing after the first 2 glasses. I must have had shed loads. Blacked out, my boss had to call my boyfriend and get him to collect me.
I honestly thought I could never face work again. I had flashbacks and they weren’t pretty. I went back into work and brazened it out. I’m so glad I did that. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
However, I DID start drinking after that. I didn’t learn. That was probably 15 years ago and I have had many more hideous, depressing, anxiety inducing episodes since then. I’ve been sober for 19 days. It’s early days for me, but boy do I wish I had stopped there and then - 15 years ago.
Sending u hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 144
Day 3.
My brain is getting back to normal and anxiety have dropped significantly. I still can't believe what kind of idiot I am, not learning from the same mistake over and over again. Drinking has been the worst and only thinig which damaged my life so much.
I went to stand up with my wife last night and we had dinner. It was such a beautiful thing for me, enjoying life again, feeling normal. I started drinking when I was 13 and this was my only pleasure in life. I always associate drinking with relaxing if this would be the only thing you can do after hard week.
I know that if I drink again I will make even more damage. The next morning I have seriuosly contemplated suicide just because I had so many of these mornings I can't handle it.
Tarpaulin, thank you for sharing your story. 7/10 company parties have ended in a similar way for me when I was drinking. The ones I wasn't intoxicated have actually ended so well it helped for my career. This is such and obvious decision to stop.
My brain is getting back to normal and anxiety have dropped significantly. I still can't believe what kind of idiot I am, not learning from the same mistake over and over again. Drinking has been the worst and only thinig which damaged my life so much.
I went to stand up with my wife last night and we had dinner. It was such a beautiful thing for me, enjoying life again, feeling normal. I started drinking when I was 13 and this was my only pleasure in life. I always associate drinking with relaxing if this would be the only thing you can do after hard week.
I know that if I drink again I will make even more damage. The next morning I have seriuosly contemplated suicide just because I had so many of these mornings I can't handle it.
Tarpaulin, thank you for sharing your story. 7/10 company parties have ended in a similar way for me when I was drinking. The ones I wasn't intoxicated have actually ended so well it helped for my career. This is such and obvious decision to stop.
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