LRM89

I was really on fire about stopping drinking about 8-9 years ago, tried AA the first time then. Tried again pretty seriously at around 26. I have tried AA, rehab, doing it on my own. I saw a post on here from a guy named Hitman. Really related with his post. I turn into a ******* MONSTER when I drink. But once in a while I don't which is enough for my brain to convince itself that it's ok for me to drink. I was sober for 11 months before. I gave up after a pretty heinous breakup with someone in the program. AA was the only thing that ever helped me to quit drinking and be kind of happy but after that incident and issues with people in the program because of it I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I can't take the people seriously enough to trust and let them help me because of the hypocrisy I've witnessed inside of AA. So without that, looking for options. I have seemingly gotten it together compared to where I was before, homeless no car. But I'm still empty. Sad. Angry person. There is some rotten energy inside that I drink to numb. And then it explodes all over everyone when I drink. I have been more and more suicidal lately. Almost 30 still dealing with the same crap from a decade ago. I'm slowly losing things again. I'm tired of feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I'm afraid I'm just a genuinely bad person. Like through and through. I don't want to hurt people anymore. Are there other options besides AA?

FreedomCA

I hope that you can find your way back before you lose anything else. Drinking just makes us more lost and confused.

rascalwhiteoak

Hi LRM. There are other options, this forum being one. I quit drinking and have remained sober since Feb. 2017 using Sober Recovery, a handful of podcasts, and the occasional book (look up This Naked Mind by Annie Grace). Additionally, I've the mindset that I'm a non-drinker — there's never going to be a good time to drink again. That's just what worked for me, your mileage may vary. It sounds like you did experience some success with AA though; maybe try a different meeting?

I also understand your feeling about something being terminally busted inside. I eventually realized that I'm an okay person, though sometimes it takes effort to remember that. I hope you can find peace and personal growth through sobriety.

least

Lots of ways to recover. I got sober with weekly counseling and daily visits here. I'm coming up on 9 yrs sober and no longer see the counselor but still come here every day to read and post and hopefully inspire someone just starting or starting over.

Here are some of the recovery methods.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

saoutchik

Hi LRM, you could look online for SMART Recovery meetings in your area (aka Smart meetings) I would have stuck with them had the quality of the meetings remained consistently as good as the best of them.