Glenjo99

So finally decided to delete his number from my phone. Took me about an hour, feel really anxious as it's the last connection I have with him but I think it's for the best.

I toyed with the one last message idea, but really there's no point when all I can do is look after me now, and if he really wanted he would have messaged me.

Having his number on my phone, only gave me temptation to check if he was online. Have to accept hard facts, it's over.

hopeful4

Good for you. Onward and upward!

trailmix

That is a tough step and you did it.

I'm sure that comes with some mixed feelings. Try to think of it as freeing (if it does cross your mind).

What this really means is that you can move on now. Moving on can have a sad connotation to it but you know what, you are free! Free to do whatever you want. See other people, find out what makes you happy, travel, find a hobby that keeps you really interested. Just tons of stuff to look forward to.

Glenjo99

It does come with mixed feelings. I'm thinking back over the early days when we first met, and how lovely it was then. A lot of crap got in the way in the meantime such a shame. But I felt I needed to do it. I have to free up that space now for whoever is next to come along or just get a better relationship with me. I'm quite tearful, but to be expected.

Hawkeye13

Well done! Let the healing really begin--I think you should treat yourself to a bath bomb, dinner out, some nice thing you really like

marie1960

Congrats! Doing the right thing is not always easy.

Stand tall, be proud of your decision. It takes guts to do what you did, and it truly shows you are ready to embrace the new and exciting chapter of your wonderful life.

Hugs to you!

Glenjo99

Thanks, doesn't feel great at moment but know it's for best! A treat is definitely in order

atalose

Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You don’t have to forget who that person was to you; only accept that they aren’t that person anymore.

Mango212

Hi Glenjo,

One step at a time. One day at a time.

Some really good self-care today would be a great idea. Maybe a special cup of coffee or tea. Hit a 12 step meeting somewhere, if you can.

Glenjo99

Day at a time. Having some chocolate and chips as a treat for comfort. Going to do a little meditation later and early night.

Glenjo99

Feeling very sad today, crying a lot. Feel like I'm in pain still and it's taken me by surprise a bit, no coincidence it's since I deleted the number. Just not sure what to make of the whole thing.

What has happened to me, how did this happen and will I ever feel normal again. I am for the most part thankful for meeting him and what I've learned as a result, but today it's hard to access that. Today I feel that how it ended and who we became, was nowhere near who we were at the beginning. Feeling pain sucks.

trailmix

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time today. It will pass, hang in there. Remember that you have had some really rough days over the last month but you have come through it and had better days as well.

Do you wonder if you don't so much miss "him" specifically and individually as you miss the connection you had.

Are you the type of person that opens up to other people that you trust? Do you have those people in your life? Are there friends or family members that you can connect with, talk about real stuff with, how you are feeling, what you think etc?

I don't mean talking to them about that relationship, I mean in general.

dandylion

Glen.....go ahead and feel the pain....and, cry until you can't cry any more....then, get dressed and get out of the house for a while....
Pretty much expected that you might have a spike in the mourning....as deleting his number makes it even more real, to you...thereby, removing the last fragments of false hope and "protective" denial.....
You will feel normal again....grieving is the beginning of healing....you can't heal and feel normal unless you grieve the loss...first.....
Remember the time line that I suggested to you?

"How did this happen to me?"...….I hope, that by this time, this is a rhetorical question....lol.....Yes?
You bonded with someone who wasn't good for you....

You weren't specially selected to suffer.....lol...people do that a lot....
We are wired to bond by Mother Nature. There is a good reason for that.
We also are wired to grieve and heal.....
This is the human condition...and, you are in the middle of it.....

dandylion

Glen.....I have selected the following song for you.....for inspiration.....or, perhaps to carry you through your grieving sessions.....

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...E0CE&FORM=VIRE

dandylion

Glen..….If Alabama Shakes doesn't do it for you......I have another one with a very different tempo...…(just change the "she" to "he", in your mind)…..

https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...&setlang=en-US

While I was wandering, heartbroken, through the savannah of my grief....I played "Purple Rain" by prince....during my structured grieving sessions, at night...until I practically wore out the tape...and, the kids stole it and hid it!

Glenjo99

Thanks dandylion, both good songs, I'll be using them. Still haven't gotten to the structured grieving yet but I am going to, makes so much sense. Just been to yoga which helped take my mind off things. Appreciate your positive vibes. One day at a time, and hopefully he will be a distant memory. The person I thought I knew, wouldn't want me to feel this bad.

Glenjo99

No I don't open up very easily, have a problem asking for help (codependency)! I do miss him and I suppose it was his interest in me as well I miss, he was a good listener, good conversationalist, funny and was always interesting. Maybe his absence has highlighted the quietness of my life, which has gotten even more quiet in recovery, because I'm trying to work it all out.

Glenjo99

"When we do the kind of work we are facing in recovery, we are doing an emotional, mental, and spiritual surgery on ourselves. We're removing parts of us that are infected and inflamed, sometimes the process hurts".

From "the language of letting go" today. Very apt.

Seren

I was dating a man several years ago, before I met the late Mr. Seren, and when he broke up with me, I was devastated--out of proportion, really, with the amount of time we had been together.

Getting over that took stages of clearing things out first pictures and things that reminded me of him, then notes and little gifts he had given me, and finally all the contact information. The finality of that last stage did take me a bit, but I got there.

By the time it had been a year, it wasn't painful anymore...just a memory I had.

You'll get there!

Glenjo99

Thanks, look forward to that stage where I can wake up and he to be a memory. Actually just a day where he doesn't cross my mind would be a dream.

Strange to be saying this about someone who I thought was in my life forever. Such is life.