hummingbird358

Loved one should have 38 days sober today. Not sure though because we live in different states.
Completed a 30 day treatment program last week. Refused sober living. Says his depression is getting worse. Told me that he has unhealthy copings skills again and started to cut.
Anyone else have someone go through this?
I read that cutting is a common practice with addiction and depression.

D122y

Humm,

The military taught me to try to know when things are beyond my control.

Someone thinking about self harm is way out of my area of knowledge.

Recommend notification of medical staff immediately.

Thanks.

Wamama48

Depression, being newly sober and having unhealthy coping skills are a recipe for disaster. Its not surprising he is having a very difficult time coping. If he won't/can't ask for help, someone needs to mention to his doctor or person in charge of caring for him after discharge, that he is having a very hard time. If he has no coping skills, it will only get worse. Hopefully he will accept help.

maia1234

Hummingbird,
What support is he getting? You are not an addict and can not "identify" with his issues. He needs to reach out to someone who has walked in his shoes, that understands him and can recommend ideas and suggestions for him to deal with his issues. It sounds like its a matter of time before he relapses.

I would Highly recommend to you that you hit some meetings or a therapist yourself. Addiction is a one man game. Us enablers can not help our addicts, we just are not the right people to do it. But you can reach out for support and try and find out why you are in this situation in the first place. Find out why "we love someone so much" that we accept unacceptable behavior. Seek support for you and you will come out better in the end, him I am not so sure.

Sending prayers that he stays sober and works a healthy program!!

hummingbird358

He is going to intensive outpatient 3 nights a week and AA meetings as well through out the week. He did schedule to meet with a counselor this week to talk about his problems.
I am seeing a counselor. She told me not to give him advice which is really hard.
I also had gone to Alanon and just don't really get anything from it.

Seren

Hello hummingbird,

I can only imagine how hard this is being so far away. Perhaps his rehab has a "follow up" program? If so, is there someone there you could let know about his thoughts or actions of self-harming? I'm afraid there are no magic words I can offer to keep him safe.

It sounds like help is available to him, he just needs to reach out for it. Unfortunately, you can't do it for him. Perhaps encourage him to seek help as you can...tell him you love him, and that you believe he can do it!

trailmix

The idea of Alanon is to set yourself free (in a nutshell).

If you didn't find the meeting you attended was helpful, perhaps try a different meeting, they can all have a different focus to them.

Giving him advice is pretty useless I imagine. I'm sure you have given your Son lots of advice in the past, did he take it?

Alcoholism is one thing, mental illness is another (although they can both be classed as mental illness to my mind). I can't remember if you said he went to a dual diagnosis facility. He obviously needs help. The alcoholism is a symptom of something else. Getting him that help might be a challenge but perhaps that is where your support can help. Let him know there is help.

You can't counsel him, well you can but as you know it probably falls on deaf ears. Be strong, let him know he can vent to you but keep steering him back to professionals that can give him the tools (and perhaps medications) that he may need.

Hang in there.

Sleepyhollo

I can tell you that my RAH was not ready to come home after 30 days of rehab. As far as the alcohol yes, but not as far as coping skills and also insight to his manipulative ways. His counselor there did not start making a lot of progress until he was about 6-7 weeks in (and that was multiple counseling sessions a week and lots of meetings). 30 days is nothing when someone has had a lifetime/many years of no coping skills other than alcohol. He needs to close outpatient follow up and part of that should definitely be individual counseling with someone who has an addiction background. Why did he refuse sober living?? I don't know much about that but it sounds like he would be followed pretty closely and have services more readily available?? You don't cure addiction in 30 days, that is just the tip of the iceberg. And it requires a lot of meetings/counseling especially early on. They say 90 meetings in 90 days at minimum, more if needed.

NYCDoglvr

Depression and alcoholism go hand-in-hand and, from what I've experienced, plague many in recovery. It's normal.

Mango212

hummingbird,

I also encourage you to give Alanon another try, or other recovery programs such as Celebrate Recovery.

Alanon has many different meetings and people. Having an open mind helps immensely in picking up nuggets of information that may help. Our own recovery from this Family Disease of Alcoholism/Addiction can and does make a difference.