Primativo

Day 8 here.

I've had no temptation to drink all week but it seems I've been dealt another rejection by a female which is ridiculous really as I hardly know her but we seemed to get on really well and I don't know why it affects me so much. She's not replied to my message and it's driving me insane. Feel very anxious and I don't know what to do.

I honestly don't know why I am this bothered about it, but it's really getting to me. It's not normal behaviour to react and be so emotionally invested. I've drunk about 12 cups of tea today as its comforting for me but the sugar and caffeine doesn't help I guess. Really tempted to just drink a bottle of wine as I feel like I need to get rid of this negativity I am feeling.

Arrghh. I think I'd feel immediately better if I had some resolution from this woman but not hearing anything just makes me feel crap. I'm bored, have been all day, that doesn't help.

Awake61

a drink will not help you. hold on to your 8 days!

DontRemember

Why not do a positive instead of a negative? Workout,read a motivational book,go shopping,clean up you place,ect..sitting around pining over a woman and your not drinking any longer, is a fruitless endeavor.

Primativo

Thank you I had a green tea. Cleaned the kitchen too and I've now heard back from her and the anxiety has almost immediately lifted.

Feel relieved. But why am I so sensitive?!

doggonecarl

There is much wisdom in the suggestion to avoid relationships in the first year of recovery. You've demonstrated why.

DontRemember

Sorry,but that made me laugh. In early sobriety emotions are ALL OVER the place,but maybe pump the brakes or at least not invest too much into dating,until you get some good time between you and the drink. There should really only be one main focus on your mind with only 8 days.

Dandelion12

I go through that same drama. The anxiety is terrible, and thats when I'll driink.

I'd live to have the answer as to why too.

I'd never think I needed a drink again.

Primativo

It makes total sense to avoid anything which could jeapordise our emotional well being which could lead us back to drinking.

However, I'm in my mid thirties, I'm already behind my peers in terms of settling down, relationships etc I've been single for 10 years, and I've been looking for "one" most of my adult life...

I just feel if I give up dating, my life would become a boring hellhole, as I would be not even trying to find someone to be with. That wouldn't be good.

DontRemember

It's also not good to base one's happiness on another person. I've always found that I attract what I put out.. Basically.. If you/I put out desperate/broken energy..you get that back. Get yourself situated and mentally stable/happy with yourself,then go from there IMO. I mean..it's only been 8days since you've drank and you're already wanting to drink over a new chick?...come'on..writing is on the wall here.

PinnacleOR

I totally get wanting to settle down, I’m 50 and single and wonder if my opportunity has passed...BUT, I agree with doggonecarl, maybe a break to focus on you and your recovery would be best. Would you want to date someone with volatile emotions, with less than two weeks of sobriety and who was unhappy? I wouldn’t. Work on your happiness first, the rest will come more naturally.

I also have feelings of being “behind” my friends in many ways. That too is a very slippery slope. I can always find others who I perceive as better, happier, richer, more together, you name it. I can also choose to be hugely grateful for many things in my life. And...one of the wisest pieces of advice I got is not not compare my “inside” to other people’s outside. Someone may appear to have it together externally when inside they’re falling apart.

Primativo

Yeah it's true. I'll need to learn from this.

doggonecarl

I was single until I was 54. Found "the one" and we've been married nine years.

Moral of the story: You have plenty of time. But if you aren't sober, what kind of match do you think you'll be? Priorities. Get sober, learn to love yourself, learn to live with yourself, and your life will unfold as it's supposed to.

Dee74

I know what it's like to feel the biological clock ticking - but I have to be honest - I was pretty much one hot mess for most of my drinking years and when I quit.

I would have been inflicting myself on someone else.

I took the time to get sober and to be happy with that choice.

I got to know who I was - I fixed all the parts I could that I didn't like and I made peace with the rest.

I got comfortable in my own company.

Turns out the key to me not feeling lonely was an internal thing, not an external thing in the shape of someone else.

My relationships before had always been drama filled and not lasting very long. I was also hyper sensitive.

My relationships after I did all that self work - still in the same one, ten years on and counting, growing and changing together, sorting out disagreements and trusting that neither of us was going to give up over the small stuff.

I know - you want everything now.
I did too but I see now I had to do the remedial work first.

Don't be in a hurry to move on - my 2 cents is get the fundamentals down first.

D